The Dish

My Addictions

2009-04-02T13:56:00.006-07:00

I’ve been obsessed with these cookies for 3 weeks. I’ve made something like 8 batches. I mean, as long as I have milk and a Stress Tab with them, what's wrong with this for dinner??

The flavor of butterscotch, pine nuts, crunchy sea salt, and a bit of black pepper…well, it’s just wonderful. I don’t know what else to say about them, without going all Jeffrey Steingarten on y'all. The pepper may a bit over the top for some (i.e. wimps), but I’ve tried it 4 times and it was just the bite these cookies needed. These are officially my favorite cookies. I do need to find a better quality of butterscotch chips then the usual grocery stuff. I’m taking suggestions or sources, please!

This is an addiction that Mama don’t want no rehab for! No, no, no.

Cracked Black Pepper and Chunky Sea Salt Butterscotch and Pine Nut Cookies

Makes about 4 dozen (not counting the raw cookie dough you eat off the spoon)
2 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 teaspoon table salt
2 sticks unsalted butter PLUS 1 tablespoon, at room temperature
3/4 cup brown sugar
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 large eggs
1 bag butterscotch chips
1 big handful pine nuts
1 tablespoon French grey sea salt
1 teaspoon cracked black pepper
1. In a small bowl whisk together the flour, baking soda, and table salt. Set aside.
2. In a large mixing bowl, with an electric beater, cream together the butter, sugars and vanilla. If too stiff (you want the consistency of butter cream frosting!), place bowl in microwave (well, I hope to hell you didn’t use a metal bowl!) for 20 seconds. Beat in eggs, one at a time, beating for 20 seconds after each egg.
3. Beat in flour, in three additions. Stir in butterscotch chips.
4. Melt the remaining tablespoon of butter in a small skillet – add pine nuts and toast until fragrant and lightly brown. Remove from heat and stir in the sea salt and pepper. Let cool for a few minutes, and then stir nuts into cookie dough.
5. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and place scant tablespoonfuls of dough onto paper, spacing about 1 inch apart….cookies will spread. Bake in preheated oven for 8 minutes. Remove and let cool on sheets for 3-4 minutes, then continue cooling cookies on racks until completely cool.

I have no idea what these guys are doing here....

"One Potato, Two Potato...."

2009-03-09T15:31:00.007-07:00

Everything old is new again.

(At least that’s what I keep sayin’ to the mirror!)

My maternal grandmother, a world-class baker and pincher of ears, used to make a version of this Sweet Potato Crisp years ago. I thought it was weird. Sweet potatoes were for Thanksgiving! With a pile of marshmallows and swimming in syrup! So I ran out the door when it came out of the oven because there was NO WAY I was going to eat SWEET POTATOES like that! I was an 8 year old with very specific ideas about how food was supposed to be. Bologna sandwiches ONLY with chocolate milk! Fish sticks on the LEFT side of the plate, not touching anything else! Fried eggs, cooked so long you could bounce them off the pink Formica! I was a picky little brat, and it’s a wonder I’m not deaf or even have any ears at all after all the pinching they endured when I was a kid.

I have an old wooden box full of old family recipes, mostly from my grandmother (my Mom mainly just tried to make sure we all didn’t die of rickets and wasn’t too concerned about recipes...she approached cooking much like a zoo keeper approaches feeding the monkeys) that I rummage around in from time to time. Every time I make the chocolate chip cookie recipe, the lasagna, the chipped beef and gravy, I am amazed how quickly I am transported back to my Grandma’s tiny kitchen and how she never gave up trying to teach me to cook and bake.

(This is not quite what it looked like....)

“Now, listen to me…and quit fidgeting! This is how you dissolve yeast! Stop eating your braid! Look at this dough, now, isn’t it just lovely….what did I tell you about crossing your eyes?? Do you want them to stay that way?? In order for bread to rise, it has to…if you don’t stop cutting the cat’s fur, I’m telling your Mother, the poor soul. Why did she marry your father anyway???”

(No, my father wasn't Paul Newman, but that pose looks awfully familiar...)

Thank goodness I grew up (everybody quit laughing!) and figured out that food and the process of baking and cooking is a marvelous, enjoyable creative thing. Thank goodness some of my grandmother’s wisdom somehow penetrated my preoccupation of trying to teach her parakeets to talk. Thank goodness she knew that some day I would want her recipe for Sweet Potato Crisp.

There has been some tinkering with the recipe (the addition of candied ginger, etc.), but mostly it’s hers. The sauce is mine – yes, thank you very much, it is fabulous isn't it? Try not to slurp it all up before you get a chance to pour it over the crisp, ok?

Sweet Potato and Candied Ginger Crisp with Coconut Caramel Sauce
Serves 6 (or just me with a big spoon)

For Crisp:
1 cup all purpose flour
1 1/4 cup oats
2 cups granulated sugar
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon allspice
2 ¼ teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup (2 sticks) unsalted butter, chilled
5 cups peeled and thinly sliced North Carolina Sweet Potatoes
2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons finely chopped candied ginger

For Sauce
2 cups sugar
1 1/4 cup canned unsweetened coconut milk

To prepare Crisp:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and position rack to middle of oven.
2. Combine the flour, oats, sugar, nutmeg, allspice, and 2 teaspoons of the cinnamon in a large mixing bowl. Using the large holes of a cheese grater, grate the chilled butter into the bowl. Using your fingertips, lightly mix until butter and dry ingredients start to come together, being careful not to over mix.
3. In another large bowl, toss the sweet potato slices with the lemon juice, the chopped ginger, and the remaining cinnamon
4. Transfer the sweet potatoes to a non-stick 8” X 8” baking pan. Sprinkle the topping evenly over the top of the sweet potatoes.
5. Bake, uncovered in the preheated oven for 45-50 minutes, or until topping is bubbly and brown and sweet potatoes are fork tender.

To prepare Sauce:
1. While crisp is baking, place the sugar into a heavy medium-sized saucepan. Heat, over medium high heat, stirring constantly, until sugar is melted and golden brown. Slowly add the coconut milk, stirring vigorously. Lower heat to medium and continue to cook, stirring, until sauce thickens slightly, about 6-8 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside to cool slightly.

To serve,
Scoop warm crisp into bowl and spoon warm sauce over top

I'll Never Tell

2009-03-06T15:43:00.008-07:00

I’m not supposed to write about this. Strict orders from the spousal unit. But you KNOW I’m going to. By now you should know I’m a trouble maker.

So promise you won’t tell a soul. I’d hate to kill anyone with my super powers.

We found native Indian relics (pot shards, etc) on our property where we are building our home. Quite of lot of them. In Arizona that could mean stopping the process of building our home and dealing with graduate anthropology students from Yale pitching damn tents all over the place, smoking sage joints, and dragging out their drums for crazy ass ceremonies honoring the dead Indians. Right on the spot where my Thermador is going!!! I’m as National Geographic as the next person, but, hell-to-the-NO to a dig on our property….I’m building my kitchen!

(I will never tell where our property is...but it's somewhere on that map...go ahead, send me to Gitmo and those weak sister water boards. I'll never talk.)

And just so you know that I am culturally sensitive (I’ve waved a few sage sticks around in my time) - we DID check around covertly about what to do about it, but generally we were told, “yeah, there’s a lot of the stuff all over the place out there”, and no one seemed particularly concerned or excited. The area is a deeply researched and cataloged area of the Sinagua people that migrated down from northern Arizona (Flagstaff area) and settled all over central Arizona (our land). And we ARE being super careful about anything we do find and respectful of the general idea we aren’t the first to think our property is pretty damn great. But it is pretty cool to look down and find pieces of someone’s cookery right there, lying on the ground, from some several hundred years ago. And it looks nothing like All-Clad.

I like wandering around, picking up shards and thinking about what it must have been like to cook back then. Well, first of all, evidently, you had to make your own pot. No running down to Williams Sonoma for a Le Creuset Dutch Oven, that’s for sure!!

First Native American: “I’m hungry”

Second NA: “Good grief, you just ate 3 days ago!”

First NA: “Woman! Go get me some meat!”

Second NA, sighs…picks up her spear, heads out. Stops to make a clay pot, and have a baby. Runs cross country about 8 miles to water hole, then crawls in the brush to ambush a big elk. Takes a breather and makes a pot. Throws her spear, then jumps on the elk’s back, wrestling it to the ground. Butchers 800 pound elk, making 12 pairs of shoes with the hide. Takes a break and nurses the baby. Packs the meat back to camp. Digs a fire pit to smoke the elk. Runs down to the crops planted by the creek and harvests corn, squash, and beans. Makes a couple more pots. Starts making dinner. Rattlesnake tries to bite the baby and she ties it in a knot. Makes some more pots.

First NA: “Isn’t dinner ready yet, woman?”

Second NA: “Pipe down, will you? It’s almost done!”

Second NA makes a set of 12 pottery plates (with artistic black squiggles) and fills one with smoked elk tenderloin with a juniper berry sauce and a medley of fresh corn and squash. Complemented by bean cakes, topped with fresh dandelion greens.

First NA: “Oh brother…elk again?”

I think that’s when the pots got smashed.

This recipe has nothing to do with anything I just wrote about. But it’s very good. And I took a picture of them perched on a big pot shard. I hope it was the one she used to bop her spousal unit on the head with.

Butterscotch and Salted Pine Nut Cookies
2 sticks butter
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup brown sugar
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
1 bag butterscotch chips
Handful of pine nuts
2 big pinches sea salt
1. Cream butter and sugar together until fluffy. Add eggs, beating well after each egg. Add vanilla.
2. Sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Add to butter mixture.
3. Stir in butterscotch chips.
4. Toast pine nuts in small skillet until barely turning brown and fragrant…toss with sea salt. Stir into cookie dough.
5. Bake for 9-10 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Cool on racks.

Is Fabio on Facebook?

2009-02-25T16:03:00.006-07:00

My muse has blown a fuse.

I continue to choose to play 12 games of Spider Solitaire in a row over cooking delights like, say, quail leg confit with lemon and basil marmalade. My food mojo has gone to hell in a hand basket. Straight to Suduku hell. No, actually my WRITING mojo has done a Fabio face plant – and it doesn’t even have a charming Italian accent to fall back on.

The FOOD part of my life continues at breakneck and gluttonous speed….I still eat and think about food all the time. It's just that I’ve just lost some of my…interest….in taking pictures of it and writing about it all the live long day. Maybe it’s this process I’m in of designing and building a house. I’m a very busy, artistic, angsty person with all the design and building books I’ve ordered from Amazon….used, of course. I mean, you can get the most gorgeous design book measuring about about 3 feet by 5 feet, weighing 78 pounds, for something like 42 cents. I have dozens!!! So many ideas!!! This is will be either the most beautifully unique house ever built in the entire world or it will look like the monkey tree house at Disney World. Yes, I am very busy with this house business. Then, of course, I have to do Facebook….I have to send people cool applications! And pokes! Hugs! And raise money for blind hamsters in Azbakistan by sending roses and lollipops and little green trolls over and over and over to all my FB friends! All this creative activity takes a lot of time!

No wonder I am having trouble writing.

The Spousal Unit was badgering me (yes, SU, sir, you ARE a badger and a mighty fine looking one at that!) about my blog yesterday. “Why aren’t you writing? I can’t believe you aren’t writing! Didn’t you just fix your blog up? What did that cost? What’s for dinner? Can I eat that cheese? Aren't you writing anymore? Are you making dessert? Where are all these books coming from?? Are those grandma panties??? Are you turning into your mother?”

So I thought I’d give it a feeble shot today. No samples of exotic wood or appliance brochures came in the mail today, so I wandered into the kitchen with an old ratty copy of a recipe yanked from some magazine somewhere…coconut cupcakes. Yes, I can do this! These are very good things to eat. We’ll start there, I guess. Baby steps, people, baby steps.

Vanilla Bean-Coconut Cupcakes

Makes 30 regular sized cupcakes
2 3/4 cups butter, room temp
2 cups granulated sugar
4 large eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
2 teaspoons almond extract
1/2 vanilla bean, split
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon each of baking soda, baking powder, and salt
1 cup coconut milk
1 1/2 cups flaked coconut
8 oz cream cheese, room temp
2 3/4 cups powdered sugar
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. In a large bowl, cream together 2 cups butter and granulated sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix in 1 1/2 teaspoons each of the vanilla and almond extracts.
2. In another bowl, combine flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. With the tip of sharp knife, scrap the vanilla seeds from the split vanilla bean into the cup of coconut milk and stir. Add flour mixture to butter mixture, alternating with coconut milk. Stir 1 cup of the coconut into the batter.
3. Fill 30 paper-lined muffin cups in two or more muffin pans about 2/3 full with batter. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until lightly golden and springy to touch. Cool for 10 minutes before removing cupcakes from pans. Cool completely.
4. Meanwhile, toast remaining 1/2 cup coconut in small skillet until toasty brown. Cool. In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese, 3/4 cup butter, and remaining 1/2 teaspoon each vanilla and almond extract until smooth. Gradually beat in powdered sugar. Frost cup cakes and sprinkle with remaining coconut.
Note: Sprinkle - oh, hell to the no sprinkles. I put the cupcake upside down into the coconut and give a twist.

Caffeine, Sugar, and Butter - Yessiree!

2009-01-29T16:00:00.011-07:00

Is this a coffee cake? Why, yes it is.

I won a California Almond contest with this recipe and with the gift certificate I won, I got a new burr coffee grinder I have been coveting AND a new drip coffee maker. Because I just have to face the facts. I am sick to death of cleaning a French press. I love the taste, but the damn grounds….so annoying to clean every day! They get on my last nerve! Oh…hell, no….! And I have a pathetic little Braun grinder that whirls coffee beans round and round without any kind of specific grinding goal, screaming the whole time like Amy Winehouse running down the street naked. I open it up and a big coffee cloud of caffeine dust wafts up in the air, way up into my nose, and there we are…back in the 80’s, damn it.

I researched burr grinders very extensively….and given the amount I could spend, this Kitchen Aid Model came out on top. It works beautifully, and looks gratifyingly studly too. And it’s not too loud! More like Eric Ripert sharpening his knife while melodiously asking me what I want for dinner. In French.

The pricier models are very cool, but for a less expensive grinder, this is greatly made. Die cast heavy metal body and a glass hopper, which is supposed to cut down on the static…which it appears to do. It doesn’t take a ton of room on a counter, and looks very industrial and capable. And while I was ordering that, I saw the Professional Line Kitchen Aid 12 cup Coffeemaker was on sale, so after briefly researching that (ok…I read just one review, from a guy who said he was a “professional barista” and this was the model he used at home), decided to pull the trigger on a new coffeemaker, thereby sending the French Press to “Catherine’s Ass Hat Appliance Abyss”. It’s not the “professional barista” European model I would have loved, but I just haven’t won any multi-thousand dollar contests lately. Ok…I’ve never won one, but J.H.C. on a half-shell, I’m working on it! When I do, I’m SURE that Eric Ripert will THEN return my calls.

My little coffee robots look very Germanic, shiny, and sensible, sitting side by side, ready to do my caffeine bidding!

Ok…about the cake. You need to have a 10” X 3” cake pan. It’s a dense, rich (1/2 pound butter!) cake…a little goes a long way. It’s sometimes hard to find (for me….in the culinary wasteland that I call the local grocery store) unsweetened ginger, so I’ve used the crystallized type and it works just fine, just cut the amount a bit.

It’s a pretty cake, all bakery looking, and it’s awesome for dessert when you have a spicy Asian dish for dinner. Switch out the cranberries for something else, if you prefer….I have done this with blueberries, cherries, and once, incorporating the ginger in the cake too.

It’s great with coffee.

Cranberry-Almond Butter Cake with Almond-Ginger Glaze

(KitchenAid Style)

Serves 8-10

For Cake:
A little butter and flour for preparing cake pan

1/2 pound unsalted butter, at room temperature
1 1/2 cup granulated sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
8 large egg yolks
2 cups PLUS 1 tablespoon (divided) all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 cup dried cranberries
3/4 cup slivered almonds, roughly chopped
1 cup buttermilk

For Glaze:
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted and cooled slightly
1 1/2 cup confectioners’ sugar
2 tablespoon milk (or more to reach desired consistency)
1 teaspoon almond extract
2 tablespoons finely chopped dried, unsweetened ginger
4 tablespoons slivered almonds (not chopped)

To Make Cake:
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour a 10” X 3” round cake pan. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl and using an electric beater, beat together the softened butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Scrape down sides of bowl. Mix in the vanilla extract. Add the egg yolk, one at a time, beating for 15 seconds after each egg. Scrape down sides of bowl.
3. In a small mixing bowl, place the 2 cups of flour, salt, and baking powder. Stir with fork until well incorporated.
4. Alternating with the buttermilk, add the dry ingredients to the butter/sugar/egg mixture, blending well after each addition. Fold in the almonds and cranberries.
5. Turn batter into prepared cake pan and level with spatula. Place in preheated oven and bake for 40-50 minutes or until toothpick inserted into middle of cake comes out clean.
6. Cool the cake for 10-15 minutes, and then run a knife along the edge to loosen. Flip pan over onto rack, and then flip back over (and place on serving plate) so rounded surface is ready to glaze.

To Make Glaze:

1. Pour the melted butter into a medium sized mixing bowl.
2. Add the sugar, milk, almond extract and mix well. Add more milk to reach desired consistency if needed. Blend in the slivered almonds and chopped ginger.

To Glaze Cake:
1. Prick warm cake with fork all over.
2. Drizzle glaze over top of cake, letting glaze run down sides of cake.

Here Comes the Sun, Little Darlin'

2009-01-28T10:30:00.005-07:00

I’m trying to talk the Spousal Unit into building our house off the grid, but he’s resisting. He’s old school (really old school) and still refers to email as “internet letters”. He can’t use the DVD without calling one of the kids for help, and he thought my IPod was a new remote control for the television.
I have to use all my super powers to try to talk him into anything that’s 21st century. Or the 20th century for that matter.

So I just bring out the bacon. A nice piece of crispy bacon calms the SU right down to the point he gets a glazed look on his face and will finally listen to reason about solar tax credits, advances in solar systems that have happened in, oh, the last century, how we won’t turn into hippies with goats eating grass on the roof, and we can actually have back-up electric tied in and have the meter run backwards. He liked that idea. And he liked this pasta.

"Peace out! Here comes the sun! And the bacon!"

Nothing complicated or innovative, but comforting, delicious, rich, and…convincing.
The pint of Guinness didn’t hurt, either.

Spaghetti with Smoked Bacon, Arugula, and Black Pepper Cream Sauce

1 pound dried spaghetti
1/2 onion, finely chopped
8 pieces smoked bacon
1 cup heavy whipping cream
2 teaspoons freshly cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon fresh lemon zest
2 cups baby arugula, roughly chopped
Salt and pepper to taste
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese

1. Cook the spaghetti according to package directions or just until al dente (about 9-11 minutes).
2. Meanwhile, in medium-sized sauté pan, cook bacon until crispy – drain on stack of paper towels. When cool, crumble, discarding any big fatty parts.
3. Pour off all but about one tablespoon of bacon fat. Add onion and cook, stirring occasionally, until onion is translucent and soft. Add 2/3’s of the crumbled bacon, the cream, and the pepper. Continue cooking until reduced slightly, about 5 minutes. Remove from heat. Turn mixture into blender or food processor and blend until smooth and creamy.
3. When pasta is cooked, drain, and turn into a large serving bowl. Toss in the lemon zest and arugula. Pour in the sauce and blend well. Sprinkle with remaining bacon crumbles and parm. Salt and pepper to taste.

Sir Francis Bacon - patron saint of off the grid solar systems

The Spousal Unit Dedication Post

2009-01-27T13:44:00.004-07:00

Hey. How do you like this new look? I'm still tweaking and re-arranging, but I'm liking it! (Thanks, Becky!)

Since he has been abused, misused, talked about and generally mistreated here at 'The Dish', I thought I'd dedicate this post to...The Spousal Unit. He's a pretty cool dude. He eats what I cook, mostly likes it, and puts up with quite a bit of derangement, noise, and confusion coming from the kitchen. He works very hard, is a wonderful Dad to our 4 kids, a great brother, son, friend, blah, blah, blah, but mostly is the best Spousal Unit I could have ever talked into marrying me. Thanks, Spousal Unit...couldn't have done anything without you. Now, would you please take out the garbage...smells like tuna cans!

Now, for an important update!!!

2009-01-22T10:38:00.006-07:00

Lack of posting exquisitely clever vignettes from my life is due to technical changes and squirrely life stuff. The good thing is I’m getting my blog re-designed by someone who knows more about this stuff than I. Once that’s done, I’m moving to Wordpress.

On the negativity side, I’ve been pretty distracted by the issues that the Universe keeps throwing at me - damn that Stephen Hawking!
My Mom is so diminished by Alzheimer’s, well, maybe I’m doing some sympathy neuron firing, cause I just can’t think straight! Ok, not that….maybe it’s my diminishing hormones…that have been known to whack a person out at a certain age. Not that I’m saying I’m a menopausal mess with a propensity to warm up my coffee in the dryer and tell the clerk at Target they are a douche nozzle! Yes. Soon I’ll be shuffling around in a bathrobe from Sears, have 8 cats and write letters to the local newspaper editor complaining about how the population sign outside of town is WRONG.

We weighed my Mom yesterday and she’s down to 75 pounds. This from a woman who was an incredible baker. If she knew what was going on, she’d be so pissed off. She was such a great baker. I can’t even touch her talent. Her lemon meringue pies were THE BEST EVER…period. Don’t even mess with that legend. I've tried to make it and well, let's just say there are certain things meringue can do that reminds me of pictures from "Travel and Tropical Medicine Manual".

Alzheimer’s is a terrible disease, and the Spousal Unit has standing orders to shoot me and drag me out to the coyote café, if this ever happens to me.

But some stuff continues to amuse me. A few thoughts….

1. That English judge from Top Chef is bad. If you try to do snark, at least be funny. He’s not. And he has a pinhead. BTW…Tom C. saved some woman’s life at an Inaugural dinner…he did the Heimlich on her! I tell ya…a guy with a bald head just has something special.

2. Leah is an idiot. Seriously, is she in junior high?? And she whacked that fish!!! What was that sauce??? Why do I watch this show? Well, besides watching Tom’s facial expressions when Carla said she’s sending “love” out of the kitchen! Seriously, Tom gives the best face!!!! Padma…not so much. She’s annoying.

3. I won a nice little contest for the California Almond Board…$500 at Cooking.com! Hormone booster! I don’t know yet what to buy…probably just random stuff that needs to be replaced, like the melted spatulas, bent cookie sheets, and burnt wooden spoons. And a cheese grater from l983. Any ideas??

http://www.cooking.com/Recipes-and-More/Feature.aspx?ty=a&id=952

4. I’m leaving a little tune here….so fun! Crank up the speakers and just leave the link open for a while…sitemeter is running!!

5. I'm going to be a grandma. Our daughter who got married in October, well, I guess she had sex with her husband. I can't believe it. Kids these days! Don't they know those things are loaded???

See you cute little bloggers very soon. Seriously, I’ll be back. I’ll be so sleek and sexy and all design-y and there will be truffles and caramelized pork belly, and pictures of Eric Ripert naked, if I can find them.

Capirotada

2009-01-12T07:58:00.005-07:00

It’s weird that I don’t write more about Mexican food. Because it’s pretty much what I grew up on and what I eat at least twice a week. Just wrap me in a tortilla when I die and deep fry me.

I used to live and work in Mexico and became familiar with the distinct culinary styles of the different regions in Mexico. And each region was quite sure that their version of whatever they were cooking or baking was the best in all of Mexico…if not the world. You do not cross a proud 80 year old tortilla maker! I got fed quite well by pretending to not understand why a certain mole, torta or relleno was better than another. Mexican cooks are fierce, competitive and love to stuff me, a silly gringa, with their mole or panaderia specialty - with me being the judge of how muy delicioso it is. Aren’t I a smart one?

I wonder if that would work with Thomas Keller. Yo, Tom! Is that lobster BLT really the best in the world??

Yesterday I was craving a bread pudding and found this very unusual recipe by Miguel Ravago. It’s a northern Sonora style of bread pudding – as in every type of Mexican cooking, there are so many differences between recipes within regions. The ingredients will surprise, if not shock you. Cheese? Cilantro? Dried pineapple? But I promise, it all works very well together. It’s just one of many bread puddings you could find in Mexican cooking. If you travelled just 12 miles from town to town, each one would have a completely different take on it. The syrup was amazing and I’d consider using it within another recipe…the anise seeds really made a nuanced difference.

Capirotada

by Miguel Ravago

For the syrup:
3 cups light brown sugar
2 tablespoons anise seeds
Cinnamon stick
1/4 cup vanilla extract
2 sticks unsalted butter, cut into tablespoons

For the bread mixture
1 loaf French bread (about 12 oz), sliced and lightly toasted
3 cups sliced bananas (about 3 large)
4 tablespoons ground cinnamon
1/2 cup fresh cilantro leaves, chopped
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup raisins
1/2 cup chopped scallions, both white and green parts
1 cup dry roasted peanuts, coarsely chopped
1 cup dried candied pineapple, chopped
6 large eggs, slightly beaten
Whipped cream for garnish, if desired

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter a 9” X 13” inch baking dish.
2. Pour 4 cups of water into a 3 quart saucepan. Add the brown sugar, anise seeds, cinnamon stick, vanilla, and butter. Bring to boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer for 20 minutes.
3. For the bread mixture, tear the toasted bread into bite-size pieces and place in a large bowl. Add the bananas, cinnamon, cilantro, cheddar, raisins, scallions, peanuts, and pineapple. Toss well. Add the eggs to mixture and toss gently.
4. Strain the cooked syrup into the bread mixture and toss gently. Pour bread pudding into prepared baking dish. Cover with foil and bake for 55 minutes.
5. Remove from oven and let stand for 5 minutes before serving. Spoon into serving dishes and to with whipped cream if desired.

All the Pretty Capers

2009-01-07T14:10:00.013-07:00

Can you believe it is “National Tempura Day” today? I know, I know...I can't believe it's that time of year again.

Did you tempura some stuff in honor of this High Holy Day??

I did, because I’m ALL ABOUT the national food days! I can’t wait for “National Creamed Corn Day”!

At first I thought I’d do liver. Tempura venison liver. But as soon as I thought about it, I got kinda sick to my stomach. I listen to and trust my supremely tuned gut. No tempura liver for you and me!

But I did read last night (or maybe the night before…it all is beginning to seem like one big coma when I read in bed – it could have been a novel by Cormac McCarthy for all I can remember) in the latest issue of Gourmet about deep fried….capers. (btw…I’m really liking the evolving style of Gourmet…for a while there it was getting just a bit too serious and pretentious and who the hell can find those villages in Estonia?)

I thought to self, “Self – deep fried capers sounds like a pretty damn spectacular idea!” Then I passed out.

But when I saw that today was such a special day, I thought, “Self – you could TEMPURA those suckers!” Yes, I had almost a full jar of those extraordinary Spanish capers – the ones that are HUGE….not those wussy little ones you drop in tuna salad from time to time.

What do these look like to you?

That's what I thought!

With a little research, I found numerous recipes for tempura, but for this experiment I stuck to the basics – egg, flour, cold water. There are many variations. Since I’m not so handy with the hot oil, I wanted to keep the recipe simple whilst I concentrate on not starting my hair on fire. One thing I gleaned from my tempura research is that it is critical not to over mix the batter and to have your oil nice and hot (whatever that means…I hate thermometers).

Here’s the very basic recipe. If you feel more confident than I in the smoking oil department, check out the many, many recipes for tempura all over the place. One flavored with wasabi sounded promising.

Basic Tempura
1 egg
1 cup ice water
1 cup all purpose flour****
1. Place capers into bowl of cold water and let sit for 1/2 hour. Drain, rinse, and then repeat for another 1/2 hour. Drain, and pat very dry.
2. Beat an egg in a bowl.
3. Add ice water to bowl…be sure it is very cold!
4. Dump the flour all at once into the bowl and stir with chopstick – do not over mix – batter should be lumpy and barely moist. Any further and just make yourself a pancake and call it a day.
5. Heat oil (I used peanut) in deep skillet until sizzling when you drop some water in there (no spitting, please). Dip caper berries into batter and fry until golden. Drain on paper towels.

****many of the recipes I found preferred rice flour to all-purpose flour.

“Self – that WAS a pretty spectacular idea!”

A New House

2009-01-06T07:47:00.010-07:00

I can spill the beans now. We’ve bought a 36 acre parcel to build our “dream” home on. We just closed escrow on it yesterday, and since I’m superstitious and believe in voodoo, UFO’s, Leprechauns with hatchets, and not stepping on any cracks anywhere in the universe, I didn’t want to mention it until it was absolutely a done deal.

It’s spectacular and we’ve been looking for something just like this for something like 10 years. It borders millions of acres of National Forest AND a Designated Wilderness area (so important for keeping the ATV riding and beer bottle throwing cretins away), has plentiful water (this is akin to a gold mine in Arizona), plenty of trees and is very VERY private. Because I’m sort of a hermit – a hermit with a Blackberry and Facebook.

I am in love with this land. We can be more self-sufficient as soon as I figure out a good deer fence around the garden. I am afraid of snakes, so I have to work on that issue. Because this land is so…wild…there will be lots of snakes just waiting for a semi-blind gardener talking on her Blackberry.

"LOOK INTO MY EYES, LADY!!!!"

I guess it’s sort of contrary to buy/build in this economy, but it has worked in our favor…good deal on the land, and supplies, equipment, and construction labor is getting very cheap. But we’ve saved and saved, and it’s definitely not a dumb thing to do, because the Spousal Unit is so…frugal...there’s no way this would happen unless it made financial sense.

I’m finding stuff like Traulsen refrigerators and Wolf ranges for 40 cents on the dollar! I may wet myself.

We’ll start building in a few months, once the weather clears. Right now I’m snake boot deep in design books, kitchen magazines and articles, a plethora of internet sites, and half-baked ideas on cocktail napkins. Cause you know, don’t you? This new kitchen will definitely make Eric Ripert want to come and visit. And, of course, he’ll fall in love with me, which will make things sketchy with the Spousal Unit, but will make for good blog posting. Stay tuned as Catherine and Eric make profiteroles together in her fabulous kitchen and Eric challenges the Spousal Unit to a dual!

My new kitchen is not going to be all disco-y and stupidly fancy and pretentiously useless. There will be no Greek columns, 3 dishwashers, or built-in niches for a small dog with a jeweled collar to sit and eat (yes, I just saw this in a magazine). It will be solidly workable and comfortable. I’ll never leave it. Which means I could give a rat’s ass about the rest of the house. Well…I care; it’s just that my focus will be on the kitchen. I guess doors and windows are a good idea. And a nice bathtub.

"Oh Eric, hand me the soap, will you??"

So, dear and gently understanding readers, that means you’ll be subjected to all manner of nonsense from me for the next year or so. Rantings and ravings, tears and fears, worries and questions – yes, a Dr. Phil show right here on The Dish. Stay tuned as Catherine rips a sub-contractor a new one!

First question for you guys….what would you absolutely NOT do in your dream kitchen? What disaster appliance, layout, or other aspect of kitchen-ness do you hate? I figure I’ll start with what DOESN’T work…then go from there. Because I’ll depend on you guys!!! I really want your opinions! Left to my own devices…well, I just don’t want to scare Eric away. You know?

Dead Meat

2009-01-05T10:57:00.004-07:00

Ok, I’ve posted before on our deer and elk hunts. There is no better way to eat meat, if you are so inclined. I far prefer elk meat over the finest beef. There is something very basic, satisfying and honest about eating the meat you’ve procured yourself. So, if you’re offended by hunting (which means you’re a hypocrite if you are a meat eater or a vegetarian…either way, we can’t be close friends…well, I can appreciate and be friends with vegetarians, but you’re probably pale and anemic, and need a nice elk roast!) you may want to pass on this post. I guess I feel a bit cranky about comments I get about hunting. Usually from people who have no problem bellying up to a $37 steak cut from a genetically altered animal shot full of hormones and kept on an extremely uncomfortable and unnatural plot of feces soaked ground on an industrialized feedlot, thousands of miles from its habitat and from your plate.

I guess that clears up my feelings on the subject in case there was any doubt.

The Spousal Unit archery shot a quite large mule deer last week. He butchered it himself, and has just completed the last of parceling cuts. We now have a freezer full of meat, which if calculated out into grocery dollars, is worth several hundreds of dollars. All organic and natural protein. Meat that was gotten with some effort, respect, and gratitude. As I said, I prefer elk, but venison is the next best thing. One of my favorite ways to eat it is prepared as air dried jerky. On my kitchen table.

We sliced up a “skirt” cut (any cut would do – but best to keep it lean) into thin strips and seasoned as desired. In the past we’ve brushed with Tabasco and lime, marinated with a little teriyaki, and done a bunch of experimentation – but simple salt and pepper is pretty terrific. We lay out the strips on newspaper to absorb the moisture and as the jerky dries, even hit it with a hair dryer occasionally to keep it moisture free. It takes about 4-5 days (but this is Arizona, very dry air...longer in higher humidity) to get a very satisfying piece of jerky dried at room temperature. There’s no right or wrong way to do this, and no one definitive “recipe”. I love the whole idea of it. No complicated process, ingredients, or utensils…just a sharp knife, some space, and time. It’s ancient, it’s nutritious, and it’s simple and honest. It's a nice change from the complications that we invent involving food.

Sometimes it's best to keep it close to home and the ground, out of the store, and without a recipe or technique.

"Do You Have A Safeway Discount Card?"

2009-01-01T11:17:00.008-07:00

I hope you all had a wonderful New Year’s Eve and nobody is in jail. That would be a bummer. Computer time is probably limited, I bet.

I never go anywhere on New Year’s Eve. It’s amateur night! I haven’t been to a party or out bar hopping since that unfortunate year that involved a folding table, strawberry daiquiris, a leather mini-skirt, a gay bouncer named Bernard, and a wig stuffed down a toilet.
It’s just not worth it, man.

So it was off to the grocery store for snacky stuff. No cooking, no company, no annoying people who shall remain unnamed, telling me my brilliant joke about a bridesmaid on a cruise boat is stupid. Just me and the person who shall remain unnamed, hanging out around the coffee table, eating a variety of Aisle 7 delights. Crackers, cheese, olives, Serrano ham, avocado, peanut butter right out of the jar, nuts, carrot and celery sticks, mayo (see, you put the mayo on a cracker, then stack with ham, olive, cheese, and a dab of peanut butter…woo!), and whatever else needs clearing out of the refrigerator. It’s New Year’s Eve for Pete’s sake! Resolutions and goals start….later…don’t be a buzz kill!

It was all very delicious.

We shared a perfect, and I mean…perfect…bottle of Swanson’s 2003 Sangiovese, Limited Bottling. I have been saving this bottle for 2 years. What a wonderful winery with a completely charming tasting room. It’s like none other I have ever visited. The Swanson girls (from the frozen dinner family!) have done very very well with their enterprise, and their wines are among my very favorites. If you ever get the chance, do visit their tasting room for an experience you won’t forget – but make reservations, the tastings are scheduled and are very popular. If nothing else, buy the Muscat….then sit down, put some bleu cheese on a cracker, pour a small glass and ponder a life that contains the wonderment of this pairing of flavors. You’ll totally write and thank me. And probably send me some money or gift cards.

I am kinda nutty (or eccentric – you choose the word) about my good bottles. I favor enjoying them in an environment that usually isn’t associated with fine wine drinking. SilverOak, 2003, Napa Valley? That got opened on a recent deer hunting trip – accompanied by a can of mustard sardines, slices of sausage cooked on a rock, and Cheetos. Or the very treasured 2003 Chateau Montrose Saint Estephe? Emptied into water bottles for a toast after a hike into the Grand Canyon. And my Christmas gift of 2005 Opus One (thanks Scott, Nancy, Robert Mondavi and that French guy!) will most likely languish for a year, then come out for some hair-brained excursion down a dirt road with no name that involves shooting beer cans on a fence. And Ding Dongs.

I believe these types of beverages, which are priced about the same as a small pedestal sink, need to be enjoyed without the distractions of fine, rich, complex food. There’s something rather…poetic…about quaffing delicious wine outside, hair in ponytail, hiking boots dirty, armpits smelly. My own personal terroir, if you will. For the life of me, I can't enjoy wine in stilletos. If I could I'd dine at The French Laundry in my pajamas. Yes, indeedy, I DID dine at FL...and yes, it's superlative and the best eating experience I have ever had. If only I would have been in pajamas. They really should have a seating for that, you know. The pajama seating. Reservations made a year in advance.

Anyhoo. A very nice New Year’s Eve. With my best friend in the world. Doing what we do best. Acting like a couple of dorks, eating crap, watching "The Twilight Zone" (the one with Agnes Moorhead and the invaders from space...good one).

Happy New Year – may we all become better people and share our good food and drink with those we love. And, Dear God, may I please quit calling everyone an asshole who just happens to make a right turn from the left lane.
Oh, hello!

Some of you have written wondering what the spousal unit looks like. Well…here he is…

My Monkey Man

I Have A Dream....

2008-12-20T09:42:00.004-07:00

Do you ever dream about food?

Ok, that’s a ridiculous question – OF COURSE YOU DO! Who hasn’t dreamt about a meerkat dining on short ribs that you’ve braised on an old stove at your Grandmother’s house, while you practice the piano for a recital in front of the whole 4th grade class? Or being chased by Sandra Lee into an alley, who turns into a giant white spider that gets stuck in the corn syrup you’ve cleverly dumped on the ground? Everyone does!

I have been dreaming about a sweet potato pizza. I foolishly mentioned this dream to my husband, who always gets “the look” on his face when I want to “share” my food dreams. He immediately nixed the idea, because his idea of pizza is something with meat with meat sauce on a meat crust. Topped with meat. Anybody got a recipe for meat beer?

But I figure dreams are meant to be LIVED, people! Martin Luther King doesn’t have a birthday vacation day for nothing!

There was nothing much in my refrigerator for dinner last night, but there were those sweet potatoes…some “emergency” refrigerated pizza dough…cilantro…and my dream.

Roasted Sweet Potato Pizza

Ingredients:
Some pizza dough (I swear to God, if anybody makes fun of my Pillsbury pizza crust, I’ll spam the comments on their blog….I was in a hurry, out of flour because of those dang Christmas cookies, and absolutely did not want to go the store, ok? Can you relate AT ALL??)

Cilantro pesto – process a big bunch of cilantro, a handful of pine nuts, 4-5 garlic cloves. Slowly add the olive oil, until the consistency of…well…pesto. Season with salt and pepper. Add a little of that Cotija cheese if you want. Or go buy some pesto. I am all about the dream - not the actual...work.

2 medium-sized sweet potatoes, sliced into 2” rounds, brushed with olive oil, and that you have roasted in a 350 degree oven until fork tender (but not mushy).

About 1/4 cup Mexican Crema with a little (about 1 teaspoon) cumin stirred in – or some other Mexicany spice – DREAM BIG!!!!

Cotija cheese, shredded or crumbled to toss on top – about 1 cup

So…you just press out that dough and spread the pesto all over. Slice the roasted sweet potato rounds into thinner rounds. Place on top of the pesto, overlapping if necessary. Drizzle the crema over the top. Scatter the cheese on top of crema. Bake at 425 until browned and bubbly.

Ok…the husband was scoffing and laughing at me. “Who ever heard of sweet potato pizza? That’s dumb!” This is our “special” way – him, making fun, me getting indignant and defensive. The wonderful dance of marriage. Then I have to kick his ass.

But the pizza came out of the oven at about the time my son, his girlfriend and their friends came by.
If a bunch of hungry, young 20-somethings don’t like it, my dream has failed. And I'll go watch re-runs of Top Chef and eat 9 Lindt truffles and some Chinese rice crackers.

But they loved it. LOVED IT!!! Even Mr. Smarty Pants grudgingly agreed it was "good".

"Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, I am free at last!"

Booty Soup

2008-12-16T14:31:00.009-07:00

About a month ago, I got quite a surprise. UPS delivered a huge box, marked “perishable”.
“Hmmm”, thought me. Who the heck would send me a box of dynamite marked as food??? (I think those thoughts because I’m very paranoid and well…there’s my history with nefariousness.)

Cautiously I pried open the package with kitchen tongs (from a safe distance of course), and found an enormous basket. “Hmmm”, thought me. Nestled in the basket was an amazing array of food and other wonderfulness. Still perplexed, I examined the box a little further. “La Tienda” – the venerable purveyor of all things Spanish, edible and otherwise. “Hmmm”, thought me, myself, and I. I was getting warmer! And my coffee was kicking in. I vaguely remembered entered a tapas contest a while ago – perhaps this was a prize!!

After some super sleuthing (I AM the Mom of a spy, you know) I figured out I was a first prize winner – not the Grand Prize winner, alas. That lucky winner received a whole tapas party at her home, complete with a tapas chef, who probably is insanely good looking and then he invites the hostess to join him in Barcelona to open a small and stellar tapas bar on his family’s olive farm that covers many acres and has 12 outdoor fireplaces and lots of cute goats. No, I’m not the Grand Prize winner. Or bitter.

But first prize was pretty freakin’ fabulous. An abundance of olives, olive oil, chorizo, a beautiful wheel of Manchego cheese, a fabulous cookbook by Jose Andres, a cool cheese board with cute cheese knives, Spanish tapa plates, a gorgeous wooden olive tray, a bunch of other stuff, and BEST OF ALL…a chefs jacket with “Olive Oil from Spain” on the sleeve! So…guess who wore the jacket to Safeway that afternoon? And pretended to be an olive oil authority in the condiment aisle? With no one listening?

" Why, yes...I DO love Spanish olive oil...and your jacket! Let's make out!"

It was all very wonderful, yet strange…I never received a call or an email letting me know I won anything. I guess that’s the beauty of a complete surprise. One minute you’ll shuffling around in your bathrobe with some Windex in your pocket, singing “I’m Bringing Sexy Back”, the next minute you’re a Spanish chef! Making out with Xavier Bardem! (But not when he was in "No Country for Old Men")

Last night I made the “base” of our most favorite soup in the world. It’s a fennel and kale concoction, and I added some of the smoky chorizo – wow. The spousal unit said it was the “best” soup he’s ever had and believe me, I’ve made that soup a zillion times. The smoked paprika was released into the broth by the brief sautéing I gave the sausage, and completely changed the soup. For the better.

Here you go. I hope you get a food surprise someday. It’s a kick in the pants.
Oh, here is the link to Olive Oil from Spain….I can’t find my recipe anywhere on the site, or even reference to the contest. It’s so weird.

Olive Oil From Spain

(thank you, thank you, thank you, oil people from Spain!)

"Booty Soup from a Big Box from La Tienda"
6 oz smoked Spanish chorizo, cut into bite sized pieces or “coins”
1 medium onion, diced
1 medium-sized fennel bulb, diced
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 pinch of red pepper flakes
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
8 cups low-sodium chicken stock or broth
2 bunches kale, trimmed and roughly chopped (about 8 cups, I guess)
1 bag dry cheese filled tortellini (I use Bertolli…it’s easy to find for me)
Chunks of Manchego cheese
This pot made 6 big bowls of soup…and it is better left on the stove overnight and re-heated for lunch the next day.
1. In a large pot, sauté the sausage until sizzling and releasing the oil and paprika.
2. Add the onion, fennel, garlic, red pepper, and thyme. Sauté for a few moments, until vegetables are soft, but not browned.
3. Add the stock or broth and bring to gentle boil. Add kale, stir around, bring to boil again, then let simmer for 7-8 minutes.
4. Add tortellini, bring back to boil, and cook for another 8-10 minutes are until pasta is done.
5. Serve hot, with chunks of cheese on top.

Semper Fi, Mamacita!

2008-12-14T10:41:00.006-07:00

One the biggest cooking pleasures I have is cooking breakfast for my kids. Now that they are adults and not fighting over the toy in the Cocoa Puffs box or letting the dog lick syrup off their faces or squirting each other with milk spit. That wasn’t cooking…that was crowd management using sugar, toys, and yelling.

So now that they are gone from home, independent, broke, buying furniture at Target and trying to scam gas money from the parents…they are much more appreciative of a big ol’ plate of bacon, eggs and toast. Especially our eldest son, Mac, a Marine platoon sergeant. Yessirree, Mom’s cooking is way better than roasted mystery animal in the Iraqi desert!

Mac is home, on a long leave, just back from a second tour in Iraq. This guy can eat. Even I, who watched him devour whole boxes of Pop-Tarts as a small child, am amazing at what he can put away these days.

So this morning I couldn’t wait to scurry downstairs and cook his breakfast. Six slices of smoked bacon. Fried onions seasoned with alder-smoked salt. Four poached eggs. Four slices of sourdough toast, pan-fried in the bacon fat. (Oh yes, I’m still lovin’ on the bacon fat….is there anything bacon fat doesn’t make better?? Huh?) Topped with deli slices of real American cheese, salsa and ketchup. It’s imperative the ketchup goes on everything, evidently. But on top of salsa? I blame the Marines.

I realize that this type of cooking isn’t approaching anything creative. But it’s disgustingly good. And it’s even better just watching the enjoyment Mac has eating it.

Damn…I’m on a slide….what's next? Fried Ding Dongs with a slurry of Fritos and Mountain Dew??

BTW…he didn’t like it much when I was taking pictures. I think it’s because he’s like some sort of military spy or something.

Cause we all know terrorists read cooking blogs.

Bringin' Home the Bacon, Baby!

2008-12-13T15:14:00.005-07:00

Well, you just knew it would be something like FAT to bring me to my senses.
It’s been a long summer, fall, and early winter, and I won’t make you clinch your teeth and roll your eyes with boredom filling you in with all the details and drama, but I find it amazing and yea, verily…natural…that a cookbook would snap me back to the truly important. Stuff like an utterly fascinating, informative, and wonderful cookbook….about fat.

Let’s think about bacon mayonnaise. Yes, you know you want to. Because I sure did…at 2:30 am, even after an Advil PM! Pondering a BLT sandwich, but not with lettuce… with arugula. And some grilled avocado. Heirloom tomatoes, that as far as I know, only exist in my 2:30 am mind, since there no decent markets around here….and some of this BACON FREAKIN’ MAYONNAISE!

Bacon Mayonnaise
Makes about 1/2 cup

1 egg yolk
3/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1 teaspoon freshly squeezed lemon juice
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
1/2 cup liquid bacon fat

Combine the egg yolk, mustard, and lemon juice in the small bowl of a food processor or in a blender and process to mix. Season with salt and pepper.
Have the bacon fat liquid, but not hot. With the machine running, gradually add the bacon fat until the mixture starts to stiffen and emulsify, about 2 minutes. Once it starts to emulsify, you can add the fat more quickly. If the mayonnaise is too thick, just blend in a 1 teaspoon of boiling water to thin it. Taste and adjust the seasoning.

From “Fat – An Appreciation of a Misunderstood Ingredient, with Recipes” by Jennifer McLagan

I love this book. I want to cook EVERYTHING in it. Jennifer McLagan is a genius and a wonderful writer.

I am so making “Salted Butter Tart” and not sharing.
(oh yes...I do not jest..)

BTW….I’ll going to try to be diligent about blogging again, but I’m not going to be actually cooking and baking and then blathering on about how good it is with really lame ass pictures. I am thinking I’d rather pontificate about food and eating, and merely offer the truly wonderful, occasional treat from my kitchen that you may actually find…useful. There are zillions of blogs with tremendously talented work going on and those are the bloggers/cooks/bakers that have the energy…I am merely semi-energized to do the same. But I do have a passion for food, for cooking, and I do want to share observations or whatever insanity manifests itself through my writing.

Let me know how it goes down with y’all. Thank you for all the kind emails about Molly, the encouragement, and yes, ragging on me to start blogging again. I appreciate it all. Yes, Liz, YOU. I’ll get up to speed…yea, verily…soon.

And make that bacon mayonnaise.

My action figure of Obama just arrived.

The Golden Child

2008-07-21T09:50:00.002-07:00

She DOES look like a little Buddha, doesn’t she?

We are home now, after 26 days in the neurological ICU and 4 surgeries (3 brain and 1 abdomen). The last surgery, to place a new shunt, was something of a big miracle, and she came out of recovery with a big smile. Could there ever be anything so amazing as that?

It’s great to be home.

Molly Kate feels “fantastic” (such a relief for her, after so much pain) and is taking things slow. Well, slow for her. She already has been to Starbucks and freaked the barrista out with her train-wreck head. And she had a few bites of a carne asada burrito. And my ears are bleeding, cause she’s talking so much. The tremendous relief she feels translates into a motor mouth that just won’t quit….not that I’m complaining….but, dang! Take a breath, Molly Kate!!

I can’t wait to cook , bake, arrange spices obsessively, start annoying people again, and blog about random stuff. But right now I need to do about 22 loads of laundry, pay bills, make phone calls, get a pedicure (seriously - remember those raptors in Jurassic Park?) and just enjoy the sweet chirping sound of my daughter‘s voice, who doesn’t mind being bald with big ol’ nasty looking scars all over….she is just so relieved to be home and feeling great. It will take some time to gain all her strength back, but this is such a terrific outcome. Brain surgery rocks!

Thanks, everyone, for your sweet thoughts and prayers, your offers of help and food, and all the other wonderfulness that kept me afloat. I promise I’ll be back up and blogging away very soon - I’m thinking you all need some crazy ass post about hospital food.

2008-07-12T08:22:00.001-07:00

I have no jazzy title to this post at all. Maybe something like, LIFE SUCKS, but, hey, I’ve gotten some remarkably kind and hopeful emails from many of you, so I don’t want to scare anyone.

Our daughter, Molly Kate, has been in the Barrow’s Neurological ICU since June 22, the day after our son’s wedding. Since then, she has gone through two surgeries, a major infection, a dangerously low white blood cell count (2!!!) and is facing a fairly big brain surgery on Tuesday, if “all goes well“, which is always a dicey thing to write at this point. On the optimistic side, she is eating well (no feeding tube!), awake most of the time, and her pain is diminishing. All the medical hoo haw is complicated and frankly I don’t want to get into that shit here. I came home for two days to wash clothes, get some sleep, water dead plants, and pretend I can walk around without paralyzing fear and anxiety. And to not hear endless beeping of monitors.

We are not strangers to this situation. Molly since birth, has had many surgeries for her condition, hydrocephalus. It’s a bitch. I have learned enough about our completely backassward and negative health care system to know that it’s in complete and utter crisis. I have learned that most doctors just want to cover their ass and will try to avoid family members and their questions at all cost. Hey, who can blame them? When their malpractice costs are above $200K per year, they have lost their passion. I have learned that you have to advocate constantly for your loved ones and be demanding and assertive 24/7 when they are helpless. But all that stuff doesn’t matter right now. I’ll deal with those issues later, probably in a future post that will make you groan and wonder what it has to do with food.

On the bright side! Barrow’s is one of the premier “brain” hospitals in the country - we are lucky it’s only two hours away, and takes our insurance. Her nurses are, for the most part, extremely, wonderfully good and compassionate. Her original surgeon, who has performed some 50 surgeries on her as a child, is back on the case, coming in from Utah to take care of “his girl”. I feel this is something of a miracle, because of his guidance and relationship with our family, he has led us away from a truly dangerous situation to a real solution. We have friends and family who pray and help - my dear sister flew in from San Francisco and helped me in a way that only she understands. Our other children are so helpful and make her laugh - even our son in Iraq calls every chance he can, which is no small thing. We have a powerful and loving circle around us. I am truly, deeply thankful.

And, I hear from some of you that have learned of this situation. Your emails and posts move me very much. Sometimes I think that a complete stranger, who has no connection with us at all, sending prayers and good wishes, is the strongest indication of human…goodness and compassion. It is surprise and wonderful revelation
Thank you.

So, I’ll end with that….otherwise this post will get stupidly emotional and really, I just wanted to let you all know what’s up and to thank you so much.

Get DOWN With Your Nigerian Bad Self!!!

2008-06-17T13:24:00.009-07:00

It's time for a short break for The Dish...(not to be confused with break dancing, which I am quite good at, btw)

We have a son getting married on Saturday, so have to shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows, find some shoes that aren't flip flops, that I can bust a move in, to "We Are Family" at the reception...besides, it’s really hot, and I don’t want to cook or bake. So you can see how BUSY I AM, OK?

What’s your opinion about hats? I mean, I found a really cool one, you know, to wear to the wedding. My sister said “you’ll look an ass”. She's just jealous I look like English nobility. But, I’m just thinking how awesome those Royal broads look when they’re going to the horse races or knighting Richard Branson, or whatever the hell they do on weekends.

Don't worry, I'll wear some blush.

Ok, I know some of you read a post I made a month or so ago about a nice Nigerian man who needed some info from me so he could send me 68 million dollars. I wrote back, saying I’d send him some fudge, but that’s about it. I never did see my money, dang him. Those Nigerians are soooo unreliable! But I'm intrigued by their...earnest persistence and apparent willfullness to trust total strangers.

So, I get an email AGAIN from ANOTHER guy from Nigeria. He’s a “Manager”…I don’t know of what, but it appears I’m in for yet ANOTHER chunk of change! For my “goodself”, I’ll get 10 million dollars. I must be very goodself! Again, I’m rather concerned about the lack of proper SPELLING instructions these Nigerian guys get in school! I guess going to school with a bunch of holy cows milling around in the schoolhouse is distracting!

I’m pretty honored, you know – this is a “TWO-Man business deal” and he thinks he can trust me. And evidently, I can see from my email that LOTS of people trust me. And generally, they're from Africa, Iraq, and the United Nations. How come nobody in the USA has millions of dollars laying around, unclaimed?? Huh? Can you tell me the answer to THAT mystery?

I’ll see you knuckleheads after the wknd!

From the Desk of:Mr.Jason Ifekadima

With great pleasure I Mr.Jason Ifekadima, working with a bank here in Nigeria as a Manager. I am writing you in respect of a foreign customer (an Oil consultant/contractor with our National Oil & Liquidified Gas Sector) whom made a US$25M depository for an investment program that has remained dormant for years now.

(Umm, I’m wondering if I can take part of my share of the money in actual GAS??? For my CAR??? Like, have you seen the price of gas in America??? Can you send some money to those OPEC guys? It appears that they need some!)

Hence, I have decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction. On my personal investigation, I discovered that the account holder died on December 2002 in the Ukrainian aircraft crash.

(Another plane crash! All these rich guys dropping like flies!!! Ukrainian?? Everyone knows those guys can’t fly!!! Doesn’t anybody fly Southwest over there?)

I made further investigation and discovered that the customer died without making a WILL on the depository.It may interest you to know that I am only contacting you as a foreigner because this money cannot be approved to a local Bank account here, but can only be approved to a foreigner with an account since the money is in US Dollars. I have decided as a matter of urgency upon this discovery now seek your permission to have you stand as next of kin to the fund as No one has ever come forward to claim this fund.

(Damn straight, Skippy, it DOES interest me! I’ll be the guy’s family, for sure! If I can find a Nigerian outfit at Target, I’ll wear it, and take a picture and send it along, ok? Do Nigerians wear…hats? Cause I found one that I like A LOT.)

It may also interest you to know that I have secured from the probate an ORDER OF MADAMUS to locate any of deceased beneficiary. In accordance to Nigerian Law, fund deposited for over a period of Six (6) years without claim will be reverted to the Government treasury, if nobody applies to claim this fund.

(MADAMUS?? What’s that? Like a ‘Madam who must’, or ‘musty Madam’? What exactly are you saying here, Mr. Jason??? I’m a little confused....and possibly insulted!)

I will like you to provide immediately your full Names and Address, Date of Birth, Occupation, Tel & Fax Numbers so that an Attorney will be able to prepare the necessary documents and affidavit which will put you in place as the next of kin. The Attorney will draft and carry out the notarization of the WILL and also obtain the necessary documents and letter of probate/administration in your favour for the transfer. At the successful conclusion of this business, your goodself shall be entitled to have 40% that is, USD$10M of the total money while I will have 55% that is USD$13.750M and 5% that is SD$1.250M for communications and other expenses. I am ready to invest a reasonable percentage of mine into any viable business you suggest as a joint partner. Your percentage will also be a source of upliftment. You have absolutely nothing to LOSE in assisting me instead, you have so much to GAIN. Be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us.

(A source of “upliftment”? Ohhhh, yeah, I’m talkin’ MAJOR "upliftment" for 10 million dollars! Extreme make-over "upliftment", if you get my drift, Jason! Dolly Parton upliftment!!!! WOOT!)

Your response is highly imperative as this is a TWO-man business deal transaction as I shall then provide you with more details and relevant documents that will help you understand the transaction. I need your assistance and co-operation to this reality as I have done my Home-work and fine tune the best way to create you as the beneficiary while I would use my connection and money to secure almost all the paperwork for this transaction which will be done by the Attorney and my position as the Branch Manager guarantees the successful execution of this transaction with you as the beneficiary to this fund.

(You can count on me, Jason! I’m your other MAN! It's a good thing you're an esteemed African 'Branch Manager'! The bank branch managers around here are one step up from Domino's Pizza delivery guys!)

I will appreciate your early reply for commencement of business. Contact me for acknowledgment by E-mail and whereby you are not interested, please indicate in your reply so that I can seek for the assistance of someone else. If this proposal is acceptable by you, I expect that you will not take undue advantage of the trust I Will bestow in you. I await your urgent response.Thanks with great regards......Mr.Jason Ifekadima

(I'd LOVE to do some "commencement of business", but, um, I'm a little busy, Jason, what with the wedding, hats, etc....I'm wondering if you could send me about couple of million just to tide me over? I promise I'll get you all the information you need pretty soon. It's just that this hat I'm looking at is a bit pricey. You can wire the other 8 million after I get my info to you, ok?)

I did find a recent picture of Jason....I'm not sure I'll ever get that money

ESPRESSO-CINNAMON SABAYON IN CHOCOLATE CUPS WITH ORANGE (SMASHED) TUILES

2008-06-11T15:18:00.009-07:00

Bonjour! Michel Roux and I will be leading the class today on the proper way to….how do you Americans say…fouet? Whisk? No matter - you will BEAT THE LIVING MERDE OUT OF THIS STUFF on your way to a lovely, fluffy, light Sabayon! And, as an added treat, we will be baking some Orange Tuiles!!! Merveilleux! Please take notes – your practical exam will test you on these techniques! Écouter!!! And, you, in the back row…yes, YOU-Miss Heather! Please see that your apron is properly cleaned next class! And no more Beaujolais in class! Scandaleux!

We will make our Orange Tuiles first. Michel! Start on the orange zest, s’il vous plait!!! We don’t have all day! And you have some foie gras in your hair!!! MERDE!!!!

Orange Tuiles – from “Michel Roux – New Techniques from a French Master Chef”
Ingredients:
½ cup plus 2 tablespoon granulated sugar
1/3 cup flour
½ cup slivered almonds
3 ½ tablespoons softened butter
Grated zest of ½ orange
¼ cup orange juice, strained

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Put the sugar, flour, almonds, butter, and orange zest in a bowl and beat well, then mix in the orange juice.
3. Take a scant tablespoon of the mixture and push it off onto a nonstick or lightly buttered baking sheet. Repeat to use half of the mixture, spacing the heaps well apart to allow room for spreading. Dip a fork in cold water and use it to flatten the mixture, roughly into rounds. The more you flatten them, the thinner the tuiles will be, but the more fragile they will be to shape when cooked.
4. Bake in the oven for 4-5 minutes, until the tuiles have spread evenly and are a pale nutty brown color. Leave the tuiles on the baking sheet for 1 minute, then lift them off with a palette knife, and drape them around a rolling pin or a tuile mold so that they set into a curved shape.
When you have molded a few tuiles, you will need to return the bakng sheet to the oven for 30 – 60 seconds, to soften the unshaped tuiles (which will have hardened on standing). Repeat with remaining mixture.

MERDE!!!!! Michel, you are SURE you have written this recipe correctly?? Would you look at this!!!! MERDE!

Les étudiants!!! DO NOT use a tablespoon to scoop the mixture!!!! A teaspoon will be sufficient!!! And definitely keep them in your oven a bit longer!!!! “Pale nutty color”???? Incroyable!!! Bake them longer!!!! MERDE!!! Look at my tuiles!!!!

Ok students, we will not panique!!!! We will simply make do. Escouffier would NOT allow this, but he would manage…he would make do. So, students…SMASH these tuiles! We will figure this out later! Oh, save the two perfectly formed ones. Those are mine. Yes, Peter - it is fair, I'm the boss here. MERDE!

Oh right, everyone settle down. It is time to prepare our Sabayon. Pas de problème – it is easy!!!! Of course, you need to whip this like a stubborn mule, but the ingredients are few and simple to put together.

Coffee Sabayon with Cinnamon - from “Michel Roux – New Techniques from a French Master Chef” (with a variation by Catherine Wilkinson a Arizona Master…oh never mind)

Ingredients:
1 tablespoon instant espresso coffee granules
¼ cup cold water
4 large egg yolks
¼ cup granulated sugar
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon

1. For your bain-marie, half-fill a saucepan that is large enough to hold a round-bottomed copper bowl or pan (or heatproof glass bowl) with warm water. Place the saucepan over a low heat.
2. Put the instant espresso and water into the bowl and whisk with a balloon whisk to dissolve. Lightly whisk in the egg yolks, sugar, and cinnamon.
3. Place the bowl over the bain-marie and continue to whisk the mixture without stopping for 10 -12 minutes. It will thicken and increase dramatically in volume as air is incorporated. The Sabayon is ready when it is light, fluffy, and shiny, and thick enough to leave a dense ribbon when the whisk is lifted. The water in the bain-marie must not exceed 190 degrees F, or the sabayon will start to coagulate; the temperature of the Sabayon itself must not go above 150 degrees. If necessary, turn off or lower the heat as you whisk.
4. Serve the sabayon in glasses as soon as it is ready. Accompany with Orange Tuiles.

MERDE!!!! MY ARM!!!! I have whisked and whisked for so much longer than 10 minutes, Michel!!! Qu'est-ce que tu parles? I don't CARE! I am turning up the heat and don’t look at me with those poodle eyes!!!! I can’t take this endless whisking!!!! MERDE!

Students! It is IMPORTANT for you to determine the best temperature for this Sabayon to cook! Too low – nothing! Too high – egg salad!!! It will depend on your particular cooktop. Mine is electric (MERDE, MERDE, DOUBLE, FRICKIN' MERDE!!!!), so perhaps that is the problème. Once I cranked the heat up a notch, it whisked up beautifully. So fluffy, light, and shiny, just as Michel promised! Il est un success! (But, MERDE - that whisking! I have the biceps of Popeye!)

Students! You have heard of this American place, "Cost Plus Marketplace"?? Il est magnifique!!! I have found there, the most interesting little chocolate shot cups.

How perfect for our finished Sabayon, yes? Take a close look, students…(and don’t breathe on them, pour l'amour du Christ!).

And now, we will address the slight issue of the failed Tuiles….we shall garnish our adorable little shots with the shards of broken dreams! Il est là!

Merci, les étudiants…merci, Michel! What a class today, no? I am worn out! MERDE! I need a nap! But, we have made a delightful dessert with very little ingredients and learned a bit more about the complexity of heat and whisking, no?

Rendez-vous demain, mes petits!

GNARLY VEGETABLES

2008-06-11T09:53:00.005-07:00

These kohlrabi bulbs look like freedom fighters from the Death Star.

I don’t think I’ve ever tasted one – but the local CSA is diligent about introducing us to new vegetables and techniques for preparing them. I have used their recipe for a kohlrabi salad, which was “purloined” from Deborah Madison, Queen of Vegetable Land. I found another recipe, that called for cream, butter, nutmeg and a gentle simmering to tenderize the somewhat tough kohlrabi, but I figured I should go for the raw version to see if I liked it. It was like – a combination of cabbage and turnip. Not unpleasant, good crunch, but next time, I’ll try the creamy, buttery version. The best part about this salad? Besides those wonderful Japanese Salad turnips? The vinaigrette is super excellent. It will go into the salad dressing rotation at my house. It’s really really REALLY good. So, take the vinaigrette recipe and put it somewhere….it’s an excellent slaw dressing.

This is a choice salad to accompany ribs, or some other slathered up hunk of meat.
Supposedly, you can cook up the kohlrabi tops, like chard, or turnip tops, but I'm just about topped out with the whole roughage thing. I'm thinking it's time for some sweet, sweet lovin' from the butter box.

Kohlrabi, Turnip, and Celery Salad with Mustard-Caper Vinaigrette

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
2 shallots, finely diced
1 garlic clove, minced
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
2 tablespoons crème fraiche
1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons snipped chives
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
3 tablespoons capers, well rinsed
2-3 trimmed and cleaned kohlrabi bulbs
3-4 trimmed and cleaned Japanese salad turnips
2-3 celery ribs and leaves
Assortment of lettuce/herbs

1. Combine vinegar, shallots, garlic, and some salt in a medium sized bowl. Let stand for about 15 minutes. Whisk in the mustard, cream fraiche. Drizzle in the olive oil, whisking vigorously until mixture is thick and creamy. Set aside to mellow out.

2. Peel 2-3 kohlrabi bulbs and cut into fine julienne strips – peeling them reminds me of peeling ginger – a little tricky. Thinly slice the turnips. Peel and thinly slice celery ribs and chop leaves. Place vegetables in a bowl with a good mix of lettuces. Toss. Drizzle in vinaigrette to desired amount and toss. Or, plate salad first, then drizzle on the vinaigrette.

I AM A GRINGO PIG!

2008-06-09T12:50:00.006-07:00

Hey. I just ate 6 fresh, hot flour tortillas straight from the woman who just opened a tiny tortilla shop nearby. And I ate them really fast, while making noises reminisce of a baby calf nursing. Because THERE IS NOTHING BETTER IN THIS WORLD THAN FRESH FLOUR TORTILLAS. Wrapped around some meat and cheese product is pretty good. But they are best with about a stick of butter, and some coarse sea salt.

So now I feel rather ill.

But it was so worth it! Back in the day, the day when I was a ramblin’, backpacking groovy kinda chick, hanging out at Mayan ruins in southern Mexico with nefarious characters, my main mission was to locate the best tortilla maker in the vicinity. When I found her (and it was always a woman, I never saw a guy make tortillas…muy mal!), I pretty much set up camp in her front yard with the chickens and waited for her to get to it. In southern Mexico, it was always corn tortillas, never, ever flour. Flour tortillas are pretty much a northern Mexico, south Texas thing. Whenever I would ask the tortilla lady if she could make flour tortillas, she gave me a look like I had just asked her to fry up her first born. I loved the corn tortillas….they were very small, thin, and sublime. I could eat a dozen at a time, no problem. I was hypnotized (or possibly a little dazed by the latest remedy for diarrhea from the Pharmacia) by the rhythmic slapping of the tortillas between her hands, then watching her quickly cook them, flipping them deftly with just one finger …there were no fancy tortilla presses, or spatulas. It remains, to me, the finest display of culinary skill I have ever seen.

But being from Arizona, I grew up gnawing on flour tortillas, (seriously, my Mom gave them to us when we were teething as babies!) and they remain my favorite. And when I can find someone who knows what they’re doing, I become an addict. I’ve made lots of my own over the years, some of the results pretty dang good. But nothing compares to the genetic wonderment and magic that flows from the hands of an accomplished Mexican woman (usually somewhere over the age of 102, with 3 dogs that hate me). Who refuses to speak English (even though she knows exactly what I’m asking for), slaps a warm dozen tortillas into a plastic bag, closing the bag with a twist that would snap the antenna off a border patrol truck, and barks the price in Spanish. And she has no change. Too bad for you, gringa! I pay up timidly, bowing all the way out of the tiny store. Once in the car, I can’t wait, and fold one into fourths, cramming it in my mouth. Ah, yes….the warm taste of flour, lard, ancient fry pans, salt, some sort of earthy slick, summer monsoons, and heaven.

The second tortilla was wrapped around a mix of ground venison, cilantro, jalapeno-smoked chorizo sausage, tomatillo salsa and Cotija cheese.

The third tortilla was buttered up and salted.

The fourth and fifth, with a little honey

The sixth is sitting here with me now – I’m tearing bits off as I type.

Yeah, I’m feeling pretty disgustingly full.

I hope somewhere, somehow, in some tiny tortilla shop next to a mercado selling beer and cashing checks, some wonderful tortilla lady will give you just that feeling.

"Roasted Orange Beets and Truffle-Honey White Peaches over Sautéed Greens"

2008-06-06T07:31:00.006-07:00

I've had this jar of truffle honey for a while now. I'm a fan of truffles, when you can weasel them out of the chef. I had a special white truffle dinner at The Toque in Napa Valley and the chef actually came out and shaved a hunk of truffle all over my plate, after I kept bugging the waiter. It was a wonderfully decadent experience, however - have you ever burbed truffle? It quite quickly loses it's appeal. I'm not doing that again - a little goes a LONG way.

This honey has an odd flavor, at first taste - like licking a tire, (long story) but once it mellows out, very lovely. I really didn't know what to do with it, other than take a taste now and then and think of bicycles. I did read somewhere that it would be a good idea to smear it on some toasted bread, with some sparky, stinky cheese. That was OK tasting, but I really thought it could benefit from some heat. And some benign and non-assertive vegetable. How about those orange beets, I thought? (It's really some sort of circus in my brain as I ponder the stuff in the refrigerator - monkeys on bicycles, wearing a fez.) And those peaches that I've haven't had time to fiddle with - I was going to do a chicken with balsamic roasted peaches, but the chicken went south....very south. Like, maybe all the way to El Salvador. On a bus. With goats. Whew.

Now, my peaches were very ripe. I do think if you consider roasting them, it would be a nice technique with less ripe peaches. Mine got a bit mushy. Also, I would consider a light brushing of the honey on those beets, before roasting. The flavor of the honey drizzled on the finished beets was outstanding.

But ultimately, this was a really nice flavor combination. Nothing fancy (well, that Italian truffle honey cost enough to make the Spousal Unit yell at me using bad
words), but flavorful and satisfying.

Roasted Orange Beets and Truffle-Honey White Peaches over Sautéed Greens

1 bunch of beets, orange or yellow is best
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 white peaches, halved, pitted, but leave skin on
2-3 tablespoons honey (I used an Italian honey, infused with black truffle bits)
1 teaspoon peanut oil
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375 degrees
1. Chop off tops of beets, cut into bite-sized pieces (removing any tough leaves) and set aside. Clean and trim beets, leaving them whole with skin on.
2. Place beets into small pan (I used a heavy bread pan) and toss with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil. Roast for 45 minutes or so, until a knife inserted into the largest beet slides in easily.
3. Meanwhile, brush cut sides of peaches with some of the honey. Heat the peanut oil over moderately high heat in a heavy, oven-proof skillet. Place peaches cut side down into skillet and caramelize those babies, until just turning brown. Place in oven, along side of beets for the last 6-8 minutes of roasting.
4. While the beets and peaches are finishing their roasting, heating the remaining olive oil in a sauté pan. Add garlic, sauté for a couple of minutes. Add chopped greens and sauté until nicely wilted and tender.
5. Serve the beets and peaches over the wilted greens and drizzle with a little more of the honey.

Serves 4

Beet Love

"Really, really, really want to shake your tree"

Portrait of An Artist As A Baker

2008-06-03T08:05:00.005-07:00

Pity party officially OVER. Time for The Dish madcap hilarity and hi-jinxity!

I am quite the serious artist. I work mainly in sculpture. Oh, I’ll dabble in watercolor, but my first love is in the primitive desire to mold something out of some resistive medium. Take pie dough, for example. Yesterday, while making The Birthday Pie (so incredibly boring), I found myself with a lump of leftover dough. Instinctively, my hands began to shape the pliable Pillsbury into life. Because it was the Spousal Unit’s birthday, I had the brilliant inspiration, nay, the GENIUS idea to sculpt a bust of his likeness. Slowly, deliberately, his countenance came to life in my talented hands. I was struck with angst occasionally (much like Michelangelo during the David phase), but ultimately the brilliance burst forth! It’s an incredible likeness. I used cake decoration for the eyes and hair, but that was my only concession to anything but the raw power of the dough. The candy eyes capture the depth of his soul perfectly!

Behold….”Man on His Birthday”

Birthday Pie – “Apple Caramel Filling in a Pillsbury Pastry Adorned by Afro-American Dancers”

Ingredients:

Pie pastry for two crusts – I’m sure you have a good recipe. If not, Google – there’s about 2 bazillion recipes out there. Me? I used refrigerated Pillsbury dough because I’m cranky AND lazy. Actually – don’t judge! It’s not bad! Especially if you have the need to sculpture!

About 6 cups golden delicious apples, cored, peeled and sliced
1-2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
¼ cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
4 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
½ cup caramel ice cream topping

Milk for brushing top crust
1 tablespoon turbinado sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
2. Place the sliced apples into a large bowl and sprinkle with lemon juice. Toss gently.
3. In a small bowl, combine the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Stir into apples
4. Stir in the heavy whipping cream and vanilla. Stir gently to coat apples.
5. Melt 4 tablespoons of the butter over medium heat in a large heavy sauté pan. Add apples and cook for 1 minute. Stir in the caramel sauce. Continue cooking, stirring occasionally for 6 more minutes or until apples are a bit tender.
6. Fit bottom crust into deep dish 9” pie pan. Turn cooked apples into shell. Top with other pastry crust – seal and crimp. Slash steam vents, brush with a little milk and sprinkle turbinado sugar/cinnamon mixture over top.
7. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Remove pie and cover edges of pie with strips of foil to prevent burning, lower heat to 350, and return to oven for 45 minutes. Remove foil during last 7-8 minutes of baking.
8. Cool on rack for at least half an hour before serving.

Since it was a birthday, it was necessary to decorate. I just love these two jiving hip-hoppers. I got them to decorate a cake I made a few years ago for an old man turning 72. Of course, it made no sense, which heightened my pleasure at watching his reaction!

It was almost as good as putting a Rabbi on top of a toddler’s bunny cake!

You can find the most awesome decorations at Pretty Party Place!!!!

This is how it always ends up, doesn't it?

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.

2008-06-02T08:00:00.009-07:00

No, I wasn't in Bali last week, opening my day spa. I wish!

For most of last week, I was at my parent's house, helping out with my Mom, who is in the very final, heart-breaking stage of Alzheimer's. My sister came from San Francisco, and we spent a very good time with my Dad at his favorite Mexican food dive. (Jenny F - "El Charro"!) We also cleaned out the kitchen and pantry, getting rid of jelly jars from the 70's, eight million coffee cups (mostly painted gifts from the all the grand kids), and generally trying to be useful in a hopeless situation. We are very blessed that she can stay in their home, with 3 excellent rotating care-givers and Hospice. I found a telling letter from my Mom to her Aunt - she is relating her...um...anxiousness...about her daughter's (me) propensity for not being...er...responsible. I think this was when I was planning to leave college, go off to some third world country with some hare-brained scheme, and generally being an ass. But, of course, she always sent me off on my wild tangents with gritted teeth support (and a check for $100), no matter what. No one else has quite understood me so unconditionally as my Mom. And no one else in my life restrained from saying "I told you so" like my Mom. She knew I was wrong and ridiculous, but she always told me to "do what you want, you'll never know otherwise".

Anyway, I'm just not in the mood for creative cooking. Or blogging. So I thought I'd post the wonderful email I got from Shanti, who runs Whipstone Farm, where I get my weekly dose of CSA nirvana. She sends an email every Monday, before pick-up on Tuesday. You might find it informative and inspiring. I sure the hell didn't know about turnip tops, did you? Just reading this makes me feel chipper! And like a farmer! I also found out that my great-great-great grandfather grew all the hay for the horses at Army forts in Northern Arizona during the conflict with the Apaches in the late 1800's. That must have been some scary ass agriculture! And I think it's a big, bad deal when I find a tomato slug.

"Well, it has been a busy week, and the future holds more of the same! We are finally transplanting all the warm crops out and hopefully this finicky weather doesn't decide to turn cold again. We had a small crew of volunteers yesterday (about 5) and with a full day, hopefully by the end of today we should have all the peppers (and maybe the eggplants) set in the ground, with the tomatoes, tomatillos and melons to follow in the next few days. Cucumbers and summer squash (seeded about 1 1/2 weeks ago) are already poking their little leaves out of the ground.
Following is the list of veggies in your CSA bag this week:

Japanese salad turnips

Radishes

Beets (Red or golden)

Head lettuce

Swiss chard

Cilantro

Dried chiles (Chile de arbol)

Spinach

Some thoughts on the vegetables: The turnips will have awesome tops this week. They are great raw in your salad or sauteed and put in with your cooked turnips. But remember to remove your tops from your roots before your store them in the fridge (this goes for the beets and radishes too). The radishes: we have a few different types out there, some red, some pink, and then the easter eggs. Easter egg radishes are a mixture of red, purple, pink and white and for some reason I just love the analogy in the name. The radishes are getting a little spicier. Radishes are best in taste and texture in the spring, and as the weather gets warmer they get spicier. Some people love them this way, though. We will still have radishes on and off for the next month, but by July, it is just too hot. Some other ideas for eating radishes. Sliced thin on buttered bread (these radish sandwhiches are dainty and almost fit for a tea party - maybe the kids will go for them). Or, slice radishes, cucumbers, maybe avocado or tomatoes and add some olive oil, vinegar and salt, they make a good base for a non-lettuce salad. The chiles you will be getting are dried from last season, they are small red peppers that store great. They are called nippon taka or chile de arbol peppers (you will see little bags of these in the mexican section of the grocery store under this name). They are spicy, but not too spicy (the really spicy ones will be showing up later in the summer). I use these peppers all winter in salsa. I just take a can of tomato sauce, add a few cloves of garlic, about 3-10 chiles depending on your heat preference, and a little water and blend it up. Place the salsa in a bowl and add chopped green onions and cilantro (which you are getting this week too). It isn't the same as salsa with fresh tomatoes but it tastes pretty good. The lettuce: we call all lettuce that isn't cut baby stuff "head lettuce". Some people refer to iceberg as head lettuce and get confused by our terminology. But we don't grow that tasteless iceberg junk, so when you see head lettuce on the list, it could mean any number of different kinds of lettuce that are full grown and all connected at the base. This week there will be green romaine and red and green summer crisp (also called bativian) to choose from. You will be seeing all of these varieties often this summer as they do especially well in the Arizona heat. Many other varieties of lettuce just can't handle the heat at all; they get bitter and they bolt too fast. Everyone knows romaine makes great Caesars salad. The summer crisp also has a very crunchy rib to it, which I personally like a lot. They make great lettuce wraps. Just cook up a little stir fry, put a hefty spoonful into a lettuce leaf and wrap it like a little burrito. Make a dipping sauce with things like soy, miso, or whatever. It is a really fun dish.That's it for now. Remember your bags and don't forget we have Rebecca Routson's eggs for sale. (I will be elaborating on the benefit of these eggs next week!)"

I'll post tomorrow about the stupid apple pie I'm making for my husband's birthday today. Not a nice frosted, cute cake, but a pie. What is it about these damn pies??? I can't make a pie to save my life, but that's all anyone ever wants from me. Pie!

Phooey!!!!

BEHAVE!!!!

2008-05-26T14:43:00.004-07:00

I will be out of town for the next few days. Try not to mess anything up here, ok? Don’t have a slumber party and try to Ouija up the ghost of Marilyn Monroe while giving each other belly button piercings and henna tattoos. Or skateboarding! Absolutely not!
And positively NO ferrets in the house! Do you guys remember last time???

Before I go, I have a favor. Does anybody know what this gadget is? My friend found it in a box of kitchen stuff at a garage sale. It is very light-weight (aluminum, I’m guessing), no trademarks or any markings on it. The two long parts push together like a tongs. When you push it together the square part goes thru a slot. It's not sharp. It's like something you'd use to cut butter, maybe? I’ve never seen anything like it. We’re hoping it is some rare implement of which there are only 3 of in the whole world, and we can then take it to “Antique Roadshow” and have it valued at $37,494.

What could this be, people????

Then, after I sell it to some Eurotrash folk-art collector, I’m totally not blogging anymore, ‘cause I’ll be in Bali, running a day spa.
So, if you have any idea, and can identify this, you get a 20% off a massage in Bali. Or a seaweed body wrap….your choice.

"The Dish Day Spa"

Also, my favorite brother-in-law, Kim, sends me the greatest emails. Ok, maybe not all of them are great. I’m pretty fed up with the ones about blondes with big boobs. And priests, rabbis, and a donkey at a bar. And why Hillary Clinton’s ankles are like NASCAR. Like……I care, Kim????? Can't you see I'm a very busy person, trying to score on Antique Roadshow???

Anyway, the photo below he sent me last week is still cracking me up. I sooo want to make this for someone someday….preferably Anthony Bourdain….if he would ever answer my emails. How many do I have to send anyway, Tony??? Listen, I can only hold that room in Nogales for another two weeks! Get back to me, dude!

"Redneck Seafood Dinner"

Pysch!

2008-05-23T09:37:00.003-07:00

In my previous post I said I wouldn’t be posting food related stuff this weekend. I’m such a liar. It’s raining, and when it’s raining I NEED to be in the kitchen doing something. Maybe it’s genetic programming that when the weather gets dicey we start to stock up on the food supplies? Or maybe it’s the warmth coming off the burners and oven?? Regardless, it’s imperative that I be in there, with pans clattering and butter softening. I’m very impressed with this rainy day baking situation. These are very very VERY good and I suggest you make them right away. I bet you have everything you need…maybe you’ll need run out for the fig jam, or just use apricot. Or invent your own damn glaze, ok? They are the perfect size for a sweet little dessert perched on a cute plate or a sweet gift (in a tiny box with a big bow) to someone you really, really like. Sorry….the rain makes me all sentimental and fluffy. Maybe it’s a genetic desire to crawl deep into a down comforter with a little....cheesecake!

Miniature Lemon Cheesecakes with Brandied Fig Glaze

Makes 6

1 ½ cups vanilla wafers (before crushing!), about 3 ½ oz
4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 – 8 oz packages cream cheese, softened
3 teaspoons finely grated lemon peel
½ cup granulated sugar
2 large eggs
2/3 cup fig jam
3 tablespoons brandy

1. In food processor, pulse cookies until fine. Add melted butter and pulse until just combined. . Line a 6 hole, oversized muffin pan with paper baking cups.
Divide mixture into bottom of muffins cups, pressing firmly. Refrigerate for about 30 minutes.
2. Preheat oven to 275 degrees.
3. Beat cheese, lemon peel, and sugar in medium sized bowl with electric mixer until very smooth and incorporated. Beat in eggs, one at a time. Pour mixture into muffin cups.
4. Bake about 30 minutes or until just barely firm to touch, a little jiggle left. Cool on rack.
5. Combine fig jam and brandy in small heavy saucepan. Heat over medium low heat until simmering, stirring occasionally. Cook until reduced to nice syrupy, glaze consistency. Strain, and let cool slightly.
6. With tablespoons, spoon glaze over tops of cheesecakes and smooth to edges. Refrigerate for 2 hours before serving.

“COOK”ing up some “ArCHARDleta”!

2008-05-22T08:35:00.004-07:00

I must say, I was surprised that Mr. Potato Head won! Both those guys were really great, but I figured the 12-13 year-old Bratz bunch had the most stamina for dialing in votes for Archuleta.

Can someone tell me what’s the deal with the wallet chains on those two? Is someone going to steal David Cook’s hair gel? Or David Archuleta’s lunch money? Really, who wears those outfits? Besides that guy down at Napa Auto Parts.

I guess I’m still miffed my favorite, that hunk of burning Australian love got voted off. His duet with the Irish chick was AWESOME!

For your viewing pleasure

Anyhoo. My CSA vegetables for the week are making a big green scene in my refrigerator (Green garlic! Lamb’s quarters! Spinach! Japanese Turnips!) so I wanted to use the very beautiful and lush Swiss Chard….my peeps at the farm said it was the best they had grown and boy, was this bunch of ever gorgeous. This recipe is from Gourmet, Feb 2008. It’s very nice, although my husband isn’t all that crazy about any hint of sweetness in greens. But he still calls email “internet letters”, so let’s just consider the source.

“Swiss Chard with Raisins and Almonds”

Serves 4

½ large onion (I used 2 large shallots), sliced lengthwise, thinly
2 ½ tablespoons olive oil
¼ teaspoon Spanish smoked paprika
2 lb Swiss chard, center ribs discarded and leaves coarsely chopped (that’s nonsense – chop up the ribs and add them to the sautéing shallots!)
½ cup golden raisins (I used regular, but I see the wisdom in golden)
½ cup water (use a little less – the chard gives up a lot of moisture)
¼ cup coarsely chopped almonds with skins

1. Cook onion with ¼ teaspoon salt in a 2 tablespoons of the oil in a 5-6 quart heavy pot over medium heat, stirring until softened. Sprinkle with paprika and stir, cooking for another minute.
2. Add chard in batches, stirring down, until wilted, then add raisins and water. Cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until chard is tender, about 7 minutes. Season with salt.
3. Cook almonds in remaining oil in a small heavy skillet over medium-low heat, stirring frequently, until golden, 3-5 minutes. Sprinkle almonds over chard.

FLASH!!! I got a very nice award from JerseyGirlCooks! Thank you so very much!

It is the "Arte y Pico Award"....!

I will be pondering who I'll pass this on to in my next post. Posting will be non-food related for the next couple of days...it's a busy busy weekend. I hope everyone has a terrific 3 day holiday!

Javanese Roasted Salmon

2008-05-19T07:42:00.003-07:00

Some lovely Wild Coho Salmon in the supermarket! It actually looked wonderful. It’s rare to see good fresh salmon up here in the land of 'filet of Gila Monster'. There are some terrific seafood restaurants in Phoenix, but as summer comes on, all I can think about is a shipping container sitting on the tarmac at the Phoenix airport in 120 degree heat. And then a truck driving up here, some 100 miles, by a guy named Buddy who stops every 20 minutes to get a Pabst from the cooler back by the fish. But it’s not that hot yet, and I wanted to make a special sauce. Something heavenly. I wanted to blog something good, not just some insane rant about my feet. You know how I get.

Heather will know about this. Hell, I know she cooks it better! But, she LIVES in a cornucopia of beautiful fresh food and I live in a place where “Whole Foods” means a bale of hay.

It’s an adaptation of Javanese Roasted Salmon from Saucebox in Portland. I don’t know if it’s exactly the same ingredients, but it’s close enough and so very good. I perched this salmon on a bed of a mix of sautéed spinach, mushrooms, and baby bok choy. And some coconut rice, but I could have skipped that. The pics look kinda disgusting…like a big bloody scab or something, but I promise the flavor of that sauce is addictive. Maybe I should take a camera class? I just can’t get capture the beautifulness of some of my kitchen action.

Oh, and there’s a picture of my pet robin. He’s a male that couldn’t find a mate this spring, and he’s been squawking his head off first thing in the morning for 2 months. He’s very lonely and comes hopping across the yard when I whistle at him. He gets pretty close before he remembers that I’m a human, then he pretends to be all busy with the grubs and bugs. But I know he loves me.

Ok, that last comment was kinda crazy. Talking to birds. And I said this would be an issue-free post. Sorry.

I just can’t post a recipe without some weirdo confession, can I?

Javanese Roasted Salmon (lifted from The Saucebox)

6 tablespoons of unsalted butter
1 teaspoon red pepper flakes
2 cloves garlic, grated into fine mess
¼ cup packed brown sugar
About 3 tablespoons fresh lime juice
¼ cup shoyu
1 teaspoon cornstarch dissolved in 1 teaspoon water
4 beautiful salmon fillets, skin and pin bones removed (I use my trusty hemostat..eh, eh, eh)
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper.

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. In a small saucepan, melt 4 tablespoons of the butter over medium-high heat. Add the red pepper flakes and garlic and sauté until fragrant, about a minute. Add the sugar, lime juice, and shoyu…bring to boil. Simmer, stirring a lot, until the sugar is dissolved and the mixture reduces slightly, about 3 minutes. Then add the cornstarch/water and boil until thick, about one more minute. Set aside.

2. Prepare a baking sheet by lining with foil In a sauté pan, heat the remaining butter over high heat. Swirl to coat pan. Sear salmon fillets until golden on one side. Flip and sear over side, about 2 minutes per side. Transfer salmon to baking sheet. Smear about a tablespoon of the sauce over each fillet. Place in preheated oven and roast for about 5 minutes or until opaque and flakey.

3. Serve over a bed of butter-sautéed spinach or other greens. Drizzle with remaining sauce.

Why No, Officer....That's Not Salt!

2008-05-17T13:24:00.003-07:00

Straight up, these are very good. Adapted from a recipe at epicurean.com, it’s yet another way for me to use my burgeoning collection of smoked salts. You guys know, don’t you, that I am a salt freak? It’s just a matter of time until I figure out a way to make a salt cake with salty frosting…on a bed of salt. With salt fondant.

What I REALLY wanted to make was a cookie with a Vosges Haut Chocolate “Mo’s Bacon Bar”….. alder wood smoked bacon, smoked sea salt, and milk chocolate. Imagine that. Bacon AND salt AND chocolate. Isn’t that just about the most perfect combination??? But my source was sold out. Probably sold out to me. I ate two bars the other day, about 30 seconds apart, with no stops for breathing. I’m thinking that will be an amazing cookie when I get around to it. A bacon and salt chocolate cookie – will the wonderment never end here at The Dish???

But I had my new $16.50 jar of Smoked Coconut Lime Salt from Artisan Salts.

I think these would be great after Mexican food.

I hope you try them out. Easy little suckers, and I just loved them.

Salty-Sweet Coconut Lime Cookies

Ingredients:
¾ cup shredded sweetened coconut
2 teaspoons grated lime zest
1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon ground ginger
¼ teaspoon baking powder
¼ teaspoon salt
2/3 cup confectioners sugar, plus about 1/3 cup for coating cookies
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, softened to room temp
1 tablespoon canola oil
2 large egg yolks
1 tablespoons fresh lime juice
About 3 tablespoons smoked coconut lime salt

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Line two baking sheets with silicone mats or parchment paper. Or spray with non-stick cooking spray.
2. In a food processor, process the coconut and lime zest until fine. Set aside. In small bowl, sift together the flour, ginger, baking powder, and salt. Set aside.
3. In a medium bowl, beat the 2/3 cup confectioners’ sugar, the soft butter, and canola oil until very smooth. Beat in the egg yolks and lime juice. Using low speed beat in the flour mixture until it comes together. Stir in the coconut and lime zest mixture.
4. Form the dough into tablespoon-sized balls and place them 2 inches apart on the baking sheets. Slightly tap them to flatten a bit. Bake in preheated oven to 15-20 minutes, or until the bottoms are moderately browned. Let the cookies cool on the sheets for a minute or two. While cookies are warm, roll in remaining powdered sugar to coat, tapping off excess sugar. Dip the tops into salt (or sprinkle over top) and let cool completely on wire rack.

Makes about 40 cookies.

***After taste tests, I’d up the amount of lime juice, say, another tablespoon. And be sure to get the salt on there while the cookie is very warm, so it kinda melts into the cookie.

It's For The Children!!!!

2008-05-16T16:15:00.006-07:00

Score!

I went to a children’s charity event last night at the swanky Valley Ho in Scottsdale. On the roof, at sunset! It’s a groovy place, a re-do of an old Arizona classic 50’s hotel. Very mod and chic.

I wore high heels, which is just about the stupidest thing in the world for me to do. They hurt after 30 seconds. My feet have…issues. Really, when WILL I learn that it’s gotta be flip flops and bedroom slippers from now on??? Probably not ever - I love shoes. The more ridiculously uncomfortable, the better. But last night was beyond my usual level of denial and I had to take them off almost immediately, roll up my pants that then dragged on the floor, and looked like a hillbilly amongst the very mod and chic crowd. Oh well.

There were many wonderful baskets of goodies, trips, tickets to pro games, jewelry, etc. on display during the silent auction. After getting the shoes off, I was better able to cruise around and zero in on my favorites. The first was a big basket of cooking stuff. I couldn’t really see everything inside due to the profusion of cellophane and ribbons. But I saw a beautiful glass bowl, some cookbooks, (one signed by Paula Deen that I would give to a friend who loves her) silicone mats, baking items, and other stuff... so I put in a bid.

Then I figured I “needed” a trip to Belize for 8 people in a beach house. Hey, it’s charity!!! For the children!!!! So I put a bid on that and tried to keep it a “secret” from my husband. But some ratfink told him what I did, and he raced over with a Sharpie to cross my name out. There was some mild threatening with a high heel, and immediately he saw how reasonable I was being – you know, it’s for the children!!!.

From there, things got tense. It was a whole hour until the bidding closed and I had to watch those bid sheets like a hawk. One lady had the AUDACITY to put a bid higher than mine on the cooking basket!!!! So I put another higher bid in. And put the basket on top of the bid sheet. FOR THE CHILDREN!!!! OK????

Then I raced over to the Belize trip. Nobody had bid after me! I had a ridiculously low bid in and my heart was racing! Fantasies of laying on the beach, watching monkeys frolic, eating mangos and being showered by gratitude from the 7 people I brought with me….but while that fantasizing was going on, somebody put down a higher bid! Frantically, I got a friend to bid and I promised we’d split the trip cost if we got it. I made him stand there and watch it while I raced back to check the cooking basket.

All this charity work makes me tired. And my feet hurt.

In the end, I did get the cooking basket. It’s awesome. See the picture of the loot? There's way more, but didn't get it all in the picture. The glass bowl is lovely. And sure enough, the cookbook is signed by Paula Deen. My friend will flip out. I don't get it, but she thinks my love for Bourdain is obscene.

We didn’t “win” the Belize trip, but the owner of the donated beach house was there, saw my idiotic maneuvering and running around, felt sorry for me (or possibly my husband holding my shoes while I ran around), and offered us (and our friends) the beach house at the same low price as the winning bid at another time. It’s a majorly awesome place at an amazingly low price, and I’m stoked! Coconuts and monkeys for everyone!

Oh yeah. There was food there. Can’t remember what it was, but since this is a food blog...I’m thinking…crackers and cheese???

Oh, hello

2008-05-15T07:55:00.003-07:00

First of all, thank you for the very nice comments, emails, and best wishes. Could there be a better bunch of food-crazy peeps on the planet? I think not! Thank you. Can’t wait to catch up with everyone on their blogs and see what’s been exploding in your kitchens.

It’s been one thing after another with no time or inclination to blog. But like an allergy to cat hair, the itch is back. I have a variety of random ideas and recipes to flog away at…but before I get on it, a few thoughts:

1. Happy belated Mother’s Day to all the Moms…whether or not your children are human or not.

2. Please get “In Defense of Food” by Michael Pollan. It will change a lot of your crazy ass notions about what food really is.

3. Tiny little container of concentrated demi-glace (1.5 oz – “Creating classic French Stocks and Sauces That Meet the Highest Standards of Culinary Excellence”) – just found some for the very first time, and I’m thinking it’s illegal. Anybody know how much time I’d do for using this stuff??

4. I won a contest on Epicurious for a Mother’s Day promotion. It’s a nice recipe, although my Dad says it’s “tolerable”. The win was a nice surprise and a needed morale booster.

5. My CSA vegetables have started to roll in and I’m telling you, if you have never tasted a white Japanese turnip, well, I’m feeling sorry for you right now. Get thee to a farmer's market, stat!

Again, thank you for taking the time to leave such welcome and warming comments.

If I could, I’d bake you all a nice big cake. Uh...not the Epicurious one...that one is just 'tolerable'.

Brief Hiatus

2008-04-15T08:00:00.003-07:00

I won't be blogging for a few days - our daughter, Molly Kate has just returned from the hospital and she's fighting an infection that we sure hope doesn't go much further...she has hydrocephalus and it would be very bad if it was in her shunt (a system that drains cerebral fluid from her brain). She has very bravely and graciously gone through 53 brain surgeries in her 20 years and we believe that the infection has been "caught". But I'm so distracted and behind in everything, that I need to focus on other things - so just felt I needed to put this "out there", because you all are so wonderfully supportive of my blog. I"ll be back with a vengenence soon, (I'm thinking of beating the living daylights out of some chicken and chopped the crap out of some unsuspecting vegetables - and then maybe punching some freakin' bread dough!) so stay tuned! And thanks in advance for what I know will be very nice and kind comments.

Big Fat White Man

2008-04-11T15:34:00.007-07:00

I found this 1953 Pillsbury Cookbook featuring all the 1952 “4th Grand National $100,000 Recipe and Baking Contest” contestants and winners. Back then the grand prize was $25,000 and the cookbook cost 25 cents. It was my Grandmother’s and I found it with my Mom’s collection of cookbooks. Sadly, my Mom has Alzheimer’s and isn’t doing any cooking or baking these days, but she was a very good baker and taught me, with only the patience a Mother can have, what she could about baking. I wasn’t much in the mood for measuring cups, wooden spoons, and rising dough, being the ruffian I was. Hang out in the kitchen for an afternoon?? No way - there were far too many bugs, cats, baby birds, lizards, and little brothers to round up and play with. Then have funerals for them. (Not my brother – I would have been grounded forever… though I did manage to get a long fake braid attached to his head).

I’d play with/train/dress up/do surgery on all these hapless creatures until they finally just gave up and expired, then I would empty my Mom’s shoes from their boxes, wrap the bodies in paper towels, nestle them in the shoe boxes with grass for pillows, and have a proper funeral service for the recently departed. Our yard was studded with the many burial mounds. My Dad couldn’t mow the yard without cursing the bumps and caved in grave sites. “J.H.C. on a half shell, can’t you kids go play in the street or something?” Making my sisters line up in their shorts, Easter hats, and patent leather Sunday school shoes, I’d deliver a eulogy that included much crying, poetry (“fly, little bird…fly, to heaven…fly, and…eleven!”), ordering everyone to stand still, even if it was 112 degrees and they had to go to the bathroom, and then host a lovely reception with Frito's and Kool-Aid, graveside. My Mom would come out and yell at us for digging up the yard, taking all her shoe boxes, and why, dear God, WHY, had she raised a pack of savages?

So, no…not much baking during those years. I was very busy with my veterinarian/animal training/funeral business.

The 1953 Pillsbury cookbook is enlightening. I’m particularly astounded by the $2,000 2nd prize winner of the Junior Contest….”By Cracky Bars”….by a Miss Yvonne M. Whyte, New Bedford, Mass. Now, Miss Whyte was a young black woman….and I’m just wondering about that name….“BY CRACKY”???? Rosa Parks was two years too late.

And how about “Peppy Apple-Cheese Bread”….peppy? I don’t see any caffeine products in this one. What’s so peppy??? Is that a euphemism for the diet pills/speed that kept frustrated 1950’s housewives from burning their husbands alive? Then I found “Surprise Zookies”…it appears to be a simple butter cookie with an apple butter filling...."Zookie"? Did people in 1952 bite into a cookie and when tasted saw apple butter, yell out, “ZOOKIE!”????

Lots of recipes with “merry”, “dreamy”, “fluffy”, “dandy”, and, of course “surprise” in the title.

But there are some simple, direct, “don’t mess with me in the kitchen or I will stab you with a hat pin” recipes – like, the very basic,“Liver and Onion Dinner” by Mrs. Robert Wellman, of Kenosha, Wisconsin. That’s right, by cracky, eat your damn liver and onion dinner, you kids, or it’s off to the barn for a strappin’ and a milking session! There’s “Parisian Sophisticates” by a Mrs. Warren H. Thorpe, of Macon Georgia. Oh, I bet she was an uppity one, wore a cardigan with a poodle broach and didn’t mingle with the ladies from “up north”.

I imagine that cook-off kitchen in 1952 was one hot and steamy mess of extremely competitive women (I counted two men….poor guys). I know that both my grandmothers held very strong opinions of how things should be done in their kitchens. Back then, maybe cooking and baking was THE one and only area where women could be extremely competitive and be rewarded for it. These ladies absolutely were the hotshots of the culinary world. There were no celebrity chefs or anything even close to Food Network…the Pillsbury Bake-Off was the equivalent of Top Chef, Iron Chef, and Next Food Network Star all rolled into one juggernaut. It was the first time amateur cooks were recognized for their baking and cooking prowess on a national level with huge prize money and notoriety. People (like me) often make fun of the down homey-ness of these old recipes, but these gals (and a few guys) were true pioneers for all of us that blog about food or enter cook-offs and contests. Can you imagine what a BIG DEAL it was to go off to the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in NYC to actually have a shot at $25,000, back in 1952? Some of these women had probably never been 25 miles in any direction from the family farm.

So toques off to ladies like Miss Lettie Spencer, Mrs. Clara Walker, and Mrs. Maude Dietrich! They help propel cooking into national entertainment and a prize worthy endeavor that blossomed into food careers for many and gave inspiration to others. They were amongst the first “foodies” who swerved this nation toward inventive cooking that was purely American. While it wasn't classically French or even approaching "gourmet", it was their “Orange Upsidaisies” and their “Pork and ‘Tater Pie” that got the average cook to be creative and excited about cooking.

There are 100 wonderful bakers and cooks gathered in Dallas as I type, readying their nerves and their Kitchen-Aids to compete for the grand prize of $1,000,000. I wish them luck. There’s a long list of previous contestants that paved the way for them.

Here’s link to recipes for the Cook-Off:

2008 Pillsbury Bake-Off Finalists

Polenta Gratin with Bison and Mushroom Bolognese

2008-04-09T07:03:00.005-07:00

I’m sorry, but this is not seasonally correct. And the pictures majorly suck. It’s supposed to be with wild mushrooms, but I used some dried morels (reconstituted first) and your run-of-the-mill-grocery-store-button-mushrooms, because it’s obviously not the season for fresh wild mushrooms. And polenta, to me, has always been associated with snowstorms, flannel, and re-runs of “Bones”. And bison – if ever there was an animal that just LOOKS like winter, it’s the woolly bison. Hanging around Old Faithful, breathing steam out their great heads, and giving me a look like, “I will gore you, girlie, if you take more step toward me.”

So don’t go all farmer’s market on me, ok??? I just needed some hearty fare, something that smelled this good, and would involve a hot skillet, a steamy pot, and some baking with cheese. I love all the spring recipes going around the bloggy world, but it’s still cold around here, and nothing much looks green and juicy. And, well, standing at the meat counter, looking at that package of organic, hormone free (it’s against the LAW in the US to even THINK about putting hormones into bison…maybe it’s because they have enough testosterone…), I just wanted some buffalo. And did I mention the pictures are horrid? That’s what you get when you get all close-upy on some meat and corn mush!

And this is Tom Colicchio’s recipe. From a book by some guy interviewing chefs about what their moms and grandmas would make for them. I found this at epicurious.com and did very little change with the exception of the addition of bison and messin’ with the mushrooms. This is what Tom’s grandmother would make. I like Tom. He’s wildly attractive (well, to me, at least…I like a guy with a shiny head!), and even though I want to strangle most of those Top Chef people, I think he’s a pretty good judge. I love his expressions when he asks those bozos if they’re “really going to do that?” It’s like he just saw them shoot heroin in their eye.

Polenta Gratin with Bison and Mushroom Bolognese

Serves 4

For the Bolognese Sauce:
2 tablespoons peanut oil
1 pound fresh ground bison
1 onion, peeled and diced
1 carrot, peeled and diced
1 stalk celery, peeled and diced
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 clove garlic, peeled and minced
8-12 ounces mixed wild and cultivated mushrooms, cleaned, trimmed and diced
1 tablespoon fresh thyme leaves
1 tomato, seeded and diced
1 cup chicken stock

For the Polenta:
Kosher salt
1 cup polenta (coarse yellow cornmeal)
¼ cup extra virgin olive oil
4 tablespoons freshly grated Parmigiana-Reggiano cheese

1. To prepare the sauce: heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat until it moves easily across the pan. Add the bison meat, breaking up with a spoon and cooking until meat is beginning to brown. Remove with slotted spoon to plate and cover to keep warm.
Add the onion, carrot, celery, salt, and pepper to skillet. Cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook for 1 minute, then add the mushrooms and thyme leaves. Cook, stirring frequently, until the mushroom are almost tender, about 3 minutes. Add the tomato, cook about 2 minutes more, then add the stock, 2 tablespoons at a time, bringing the pan to a simmer before each addition. Add the bison meat back into pan, and simmer the Bolognese until it is concentrated but not yet dry, about 30 minutes. Set aside to cool.
2. To make the polenta: Bring 4 cups of water to a boil in a saucepan over high heat.
Add a pinch of salt and gradually whisk in the polenta. Stirring constantly, bring the polenta to a boil, then adjust the heat to low. Cook the polenta, stirring occasionally, until it is no longer grainy, about 30 minutes. Whisk the oil and salt to taste into the polenta and remove it from heat.
3. Assemble the gratin: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spoon half the polenta into a medium baking dish (an 11 inch oval dish works well) and cover with half of the sauce. Spoon in the remaining polenta, spread it evenly, then sprinkle with the cheese. Transfer the remaining sauce to a small saucepan and reserve.
4. Bake the gratin until the top is golden, about 40 minutes. Just before serving, warm the reserved sauce over low heat. Divide the gratin and sauce among 4 plates, and top with sauce, and serve.

My Very Important Notes, so pay attention:
1. Too much olive oil in polenta – use about half of the recipe amount
2. Too many mushrooms with the meat that I added – if you do meat, half the mushrooms
3. Use more cheese. Always more cheese.

Why Is This Man Smiling???

2008-04-06T13:27:00.003-07:00

This is my man, Mr. Buddha. My garden Buddha. He keeps the peace amongst the marigolds, the basil, and the squirrels. He is always blissfully happy and when I pat his head in passing, I’m pretty sure he winks at me. He knows I have a conflicted interior. From a 5th generation Mormon family, who was raised Methodist, but went to Catholic school, who begged my parents to let me convert to be Jewish when I was 12 years old – it’s like the United Nations in my soul. I pray/meditate every day until something shiny catches my attention, which is about 10 seconds into it. When the bad stuff happens, I’m on my knees, making bargains, promises, and deals…when I have good things come to me, I forget to say “thank you” and just assume it’s because I’m so cool.

But my garden Buddha knows what’s up. He’s on to me, big time! That’s why he’s smiling. He’s knows what a rascal I am, how selfish and silly I can be. So he smiles at that nonsense. I think he thinks I’m the biggest hoot ever. It’s very humbling to think that a stone Buddha is laughing at your myriad efforts to be spiritual. So I decided to make a dessert while contemplating my confusing spiritual paths. Cooking has always been my best meditation. “Soften to room temperature” is a nice mantra.

This is my humble homage to my garden Buddha. I just wish he’d quit laughing at me.

Heavenly Spiced Chocolate Cakes with Ginger Whipped Cream and Toffee Topping

Makes 6 Big "OM" Cupcakes

½ firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground ginger
½ teaspoon ground cinnamon
¼ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1 large egg
¼ cup heavy whipping cream
3 tablespoons honey
2 ounces dark chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 cup heavy whipping cream
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon ground ginger
About 1/3 cup powdered sugar or to taste

6 ounces Heath bars, roughly chopped into lengths for “stacking” on cakes (see pics)

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Prepare 6 hole over-sized muffin tin by lining with paper cups or greasing with butter.

2. In a large bowl, stir together with a fork the brown sugar, flour, baking soda, ginger, cinnamon, and ginger. Add the butter, egg, whipping cream, and honey, and beat with electric mixer at slow speed until well combined. Increase speed to medium and continue beating until caramel colored and smooth. Stir in chopped chocolate.
3. Divide mixture between the muffin cups. Batter will be stiff, like soft cookie dough.
4. Bake for 30-40 minutes, until dark golden brown and springy to the touch. Cool completely before topping with whipped cream.
5. Whip the cream until peaks form. Add the vanilla, ginger, and powdered sugar. Beat a bit longer until well-incorporated.
6. When cakes are cool, slather on the whipped cream, and arrange the Heath bar slivers on top. Scatter any little pieces of toffee over the tops.

Say “Shalom”, “Om”, and “God Bless You” as you pass them around to others – because, you know, it’s important to give to others. Without expecting a nice baked treat in return.

Salt....that's all I can say.

2008-04-01T08:24:00.006-07:00

I must be out of the culinary sundries loop. Did you guys know about smoked salt? Not me! How utterly embarrassing! Maybe I did know...you know how old I'm getting (see previous post)...and I just forgot. I'm mortified. How could I have possibly missed this? Am I spending too much time with the butters? The chocolate? The bloody berries????

I saw my first jar and just about went ballistic. SMOKED SALT. Brilliant! I immediately dropped my bag of wasabi potato chips and rushed to check out with my bottle of alder smoked salt.

First off, I opened her up right in the car and took a taste. Criminy! Campfire in fall, first snow, my favorite elk hunting gun by my side. Another taste (the woman parking by me is just staring at me licking salt), and I taste flat iron steak on the grill, Argentina Shiraz, chewing tobacco, my college sweatshirt, stained with God knows what, and a leather bridle on a Grand Canyon mule (don’t ask, I like to lick stuff...cow salt licks too, although those are terrible).

Twitter, twitter, my mind is in a whirl.

I figure I better come up with some food to put this on, otherwise, I’ll OD on smoked salt and won’t that be a story for the emergency room! The best my refrigerator could do last night was to offer up some pork chops. Alrighty then, that will work just dandy. I mixed the salt (which has it’s own special shelf now)

The Patron Saint of Salt, St. Joseph (ok, I just made that up...)

with some rubbed sage, and black pepper…rubbed those suckers down with the mix, and seared them, about 4 minutes each side. Then I had some beautiful beef stock on hand, so poured about 1 cup over, covered the skillet and let the chops simmer for about 12 minutes. In another pan, I pan roasted some sliced button mushrooms in some butter and olive oil and added to the simmering chops after they browned. Served this with a nice arugula salad with tomatoes, pine nuts, Parmesan, and a very light slip of olive oil, rice vinegar, lemon juice, pepper and SALT. Oh, how I love this salt.

Ding, Dong, The Bells Are Going to Chime!

2008-03-30T19:14:00.004-07:00

I’m old as dirt. Well, I feel old as dirt. Our eldest daughter got engaged today. It was unofficial for quite a while and we all knew it was just a matter of Daniel figuring out some great way (and it was!) to actually “ask” her, but now it’s official and we have two kids getting married this year. Our youngest son, Evan, is marrying Kimber this June. Sarah and Daniel haven’t decided on a date yet, but it will definitely be this year.

So even though I’m old as dirt, I’m happy as hell. My future daughter-in-law and son-in-law are both wonderful and they make our kids very, very, very happy. Which is all we ever wanted – happiness for our children. I don’t feel the slightest sense of loss, like some parents do....I never understood that. I mean, you finally get them independent and out of the house, (can I hear a hallelujah???) and then they meet someone who loves them for who they are, and makes their life joyful and complete. They’re young, full of plans and dreams, and to see your kids that happy is just about the most amazing thing ever. What’s to cry about? Well, maybe the fact that I’m old as dirt. That, and I have to wear a dress. Two times. There better be good cake. And, no, I’m not doing it. Get your own baker, kids!!!

I really am digging this look for the wedding...what do you think? Especially the hat. I'd look like a mother-in-law IN CHARGE!

So, after a busy weekend, and the buzz of an engagement, I took a look in the freezer (I DO NOT shop on Sunday afternoon…that’s amateur day at the supermarket, and I get very freaked out at watching people wearing slippers load their carts with Kool-Aid and Lean Cuisine while screaming at their kids) and found a pound of shrimp. I remembered a recipe that’s been pinned up on my bulletin board for almost a year, one I found in Gourmet last summer – the June issue. Whenever I thought to prepare it, there wasn’t ever any shrimp around. With the shrimp out of the freezer and everything else on hand, I made this. It was really very delicious. The recipe calls for fresh corn, right off the husk, but we’re not in that wonderful corny season yet, and canned corn worked just as well.

Crispy Chipotle Shrimp with Corn and Scallions

1/3 cup mayonnaise
2 teaspoons finely chopped chipotle chiles in adobo PLUS 1 teaspoon of the sauce
¾ teaspoon salt
4 cups corn (if using canned corn, drain well)
1/3 cup water
4 scallions, sliced thin (well, dang it, I didn’t have the scallions! So I used some very thinly sliced thin asparagus, which I have lots of!)
3 small tomatoes, thinly sliced (my idea, not in the original recipe)
1 lb. peeled and deveined large shrimp (about 21-25)
1 – 1 ½ cups panko (Japanese bread crumbs)

Cilantro leaves and sour cream for garnish

1. Put oven rack in middle position and preheat to 475 degrees.
2. Stir together the mayonnaise, chipotle chiles, chipotle sauce, and salt in a bowl.
3. Pulse 1 ½ cups of corn in a food processor with the water and 2 tablespoons of the chipotle mayonnaise until coarsely pureed. Transfer mixture to shallow 2 qt. gratin baking dish (I used a glass 9” pie dish). Stir in remaining corn and scallions. Arrange tomato slices on top.
4. Toss shrimp with remaining mayonnaise to coat.
5. Put panko into another bowl, and add shrimp in small batches, tossing to coat evenly and shaking off excess. Arrange shrimp on top of corn and tomatoes, in one layer.
6. Roast in preheated oven for about 20 minutes or until shrimp are just cooked through and panko is golden brown.

Serves 4 (well, tonight it served two – that’s right, it’s just us, no kids….they’re too busy getting engaged, having fun, making plans, and doing stuff without their parents! Wait…do I feel a good cry coming on???)

Bloody Tarts!

2008-03-25T14:21:00.009-07:00

Here we go again. Bloody berries. And NO, I’m not calling them “cheesecakes”. Criminy.

My Dad wants “something raspberry” when I go visit him tomorrow. I’m not in the mood for pie or a cake, (I had an unfortunate incident in the pantry with a full bag of flour and I’m not over it) and besides, I’m cleaning out the freezer to make room for all the delights that will be coming forth in the warm, green months. So I figured something with one of the several hundred frozen puff pastry packages clogging up the freezer. And all the bags of frozen berries that have seen me through the winter.

Like a squirrel, I load up in fall, anticipating months of chill. Well, that, and the fact that my metabolism slides way down in the winter and I’m not about to venture out to the market in my flannel pajamas from 1984 unless someone caught double pneumonia and needs a prescription. And who needs a prescription anyway? What happened to the days of a Vick’s Vapor Rub poultice stuck on your chest and an afternoon of Jerry Springer? Gee….kids, these days! Did I complain when I walked 12 miles in snowdrifts just to volunteer in the nursing home when I was 6 years old? No way! Suck it up, Gen X, Y, and Z and quit sending people to get your antibiotics!

(See what happens when you take antibiotics???)

Warm Raspberry Mint Puff Pastry Tarts

Serves 6

1 (10 oz) package frozen puff pastry shells, thawed
1 (8 oz) package cream cheese, room temperature
½ cup powdered sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 teaspoons finely chopped fresh mint
Milk for brushing shells
Turbinado sugar for sprinkling shells

½ cup granulated sugar
1 ½ cup frozen raspberries

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Lightly grease or parchment a baking sheet
2. Beat the cream cheese with electric beater until fluffy. Add the sugar and beat again until fluffy. Stir in the vanilla and mint. Set aside.
3. Place the pastry shells on the prepared baking sheet. Brush with milk and sprinkle with turbinado sugar.
4. Bake in preheated oven for about 12-14 minutes, or until golden brown. Remove shells from oven. Use a fork to remove the top for each shell. Set tops aside.
5. While shells are baking, place 1 cup of the raspberries into a small saucepan with ½ cup granulated sugar. Heat over medium high heat until bubbling. Reduce heat slightly and cook, reducing raspberries to a syrup, about 7-8 minutes. Remove from heat, and strain mixture into small measuring cup or bowl, pressing with back of spoon to extract syrup. Discard seeds.
5. Spoon about 2 tablespoons of the cream cheese into each shell, while still on baking sheet. Top with 3-4 raspberries. Place the tops back onto baking sheet (along side of shells), top side down, and return to oven for about 5 minutes, or until filling is warm and shells and tops are completely golden brown.
6. To serve, place warm tartlet onto plate and drizzle warm raspberry syrup around, as you see fit. Top with a sprig of fresh mint.

*When I take this tomorrow, I’m just serving them cold, with the syrup drizzle over the top. I think they’ll be just as good. And anyway, my Dad’s oven makes a weird noise, and I’m afraid it’s going to blow up. And THEN where will we be, uh, Pops??? The days of pies are OVER!

Tout Sweet!

2008-03-19T15:36:00.005-07:00

Ok, sometimes I feel light and fluffy. And syrupy sweet! Wee! It’s almost Spring! It’s not often, so enjoy my foray into sweetness and light. I’m sure I’ll be back into the complicated culinary darkness soon enough. Something with prunes, bloody meat and a tantrum.

All I can say is that I had a bottle of blackberry brandy left over from an ill-fated bundt cake experiment, a bag of frozen blackberries (there are no nice ones in the stores here yet…and I’m not buying them from South America….my man, Al Gore and I think that’s way too much petro to get some blackberries up to Arizona, for Pete’s sake!) and some leftover ricotta. And a lemon.

These are very pretty cookies. Little jewels. And did I mention light and fluffy? The syrupy glaze is wonderful and next time I’d make double the amount and save some for waffles. Or ice cream. Ok, maybe ice cream with the cookies and syrup all over both.

Oh, btw…they are messy. I’d put them on something to catch the drips when you dip them…and they’re fragile. They behave and taste better if you let them sit overnight. These aren’t cookies you’d stack in a cookie jar. Unless you want a lemon-ricotta-blackberry glop of mess.

They’d be perfect on a lovely glass plate, artfully arranged, as a light dessert, perhaps with a glass of Port, say, um…2003 Croft. Yes, indeedy, these are dessert cookies, not lunchbox cookies. Very delicate and exquisitely colored.

Cause that’s how I roll today…all sweetness and light. Rainbows, puppies, Smurfs, and dragonflies. That’s me.

Lemon Ricotta Cookies with Blackberry Brandy Glaze

Makes about 32-36…I lost count, cause I ate a bunch of them

For Cookies:
½ cup butter, softened
1 cup granulated sugar
1 egg
8 oz ricotta cheese
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 tablespoons freshly finely grated lemon zest
2 cups all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda

For Glaze
1 cup blackberries (mine were frozen, unthawed)
1 cup granulated sugar
½ cup blackberry brandy (for non-alcoholic cooks, try some blackberrry syrup, used for flavoring coffee)

2 tablespoons butter

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease/parchment baking sheet(s)
2. Cream together sugar and butter in large bowl.
3. Beat in egg. Stir in ricotta cheese and vanilla. Add lemon zest and blend well.
4. In small bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and baking soda with a fork.
5. Add in manageable increments, the flour to the butter/sugar mixture. Mix well.
6. Drop by rounded teaspoonfuls onto prepared baking sheet. They don’t spread much, so about 2 inches between each one.
7. Bake for 8 – 10 minutes…they don’t brown – check by tapping with finger. Should just barely give.
8. Cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes, then move to wire racks to cool completely.

While cookies are baking and cooling, make the glaze:
1. Mix blackberries, sugar, and brandy in medium sized saucepan. Bring to boil over medium heat. Reduce heat slightly and continue to cook until reduced to about 1/2 cup or a thick syrupy drip.
2. Remove from heat and strain into shallow bowl. Add the butter while mixture is still warm and stir to incorporate.
3. Turn cooled cookie upside down and dip into glaze. Turn right side up and place on something to catch the drips (foil, etc.). Let “set up” for several minutes. Plate and serve.

Proust in a Potato Chip

2008-03-18T07:01:00.004-07:00

Wow. I think my genetic code is revolting against my secret ambition to be a fabulous cook. Finally, the cans of cream of mushroom soup, jars of Miracle Whip, and corn dogs are rising up in a revolution of remembrance of things past. MKF Fisher, I am sadly…not. I might as well go be a chef for Britney Spears.

While I have in my background some amazing attempts, yea, verily, some astounding successes in culinary creativity…I am, in the end, a Hostess Ding Dong.

Witness my latest descent into backwater swill! The Potato Chip Crab Cake!

Oh, mightily did I resist! Come hither, oh great book of Julia Child! Deliver me from the cultural bane of banality! I call on the benevolence of Bourdain! With frantic fingers searching Epicurious, I search for crab cake epiphany! Smote my childhood memories with the mighty silicone spatula and banish my lazy butt into Sandra Lee purgatory! But I could not resist. I am weak. I have cans of crab. Bags of potato chips.

I am hungry.

And “Everybody Loves Raymond” is on in 10 minutes. (the one where Marie makes a sculpture that looks like it needs underpants).

Purgatory Potato Chip Crab Cakes

Makes 6 absolutely delicious patties of perfect crunchy, salty, remembrance of your Mom

2 ½ cups of potato chips (before crushing) – at least get a GOOD brand, for God’s sake!
1 pound lump crabmeat, drained, picked at to remove bits of shell
½ cup tartar sauce
1 ½ tablespoon Dijon mustard
Freshly ground black pepper to tastes
About 2 tablespoons butter, cut into 6 slices
Lemon wedges, for serving

1. Preheat broiler.
2. Crush the potato chips in a medium sized bowl. Add the crabmeat, tartar sauce, mustard, and black pepper. Mix well. Form into 6 hamburger type patties. Top each with a pat of butter.
3. Place on foil lined baking sheet. Broil until browned. Serve with lemon wedges.

*I did redeem myself very slightly by serving (serving…that’s funny…like this was on actual plates, using actual manners!) with homemade mayonnaise. Really, there’s just no excuse for NOT making your own…even for a hillbilly like me!

Behold the Potato Chip of Total Nature! Redemption is mine!!!!

Red Rocks and Butterscotch Bars

2008-03-17T08:43:00.008-07:00

Spring has sprung a leak…a dusting of snow this morning. Still, the birds are dating and I love watching the puffy red-headed boys check out potential cribs and chase the dorks away from their ladies.

I had a most wonderful long weekend with my sister, who lives in the San Francisco area.

(That's Sister Moon above...I don't know where Brother Sun went...probably for a psychic reading)

They’ve had major rains this late winter, and she was completely and utterly tired of non-stop gloomy mist and dogs that couldn’t go for a walk. So we headed to Sedona, one of the best places on earth to look at the sun and watch middle-aged guys in ponytails earnestly discuss their angst and ogle the teenaged girls getting their skinny latte’s with extra whipped cream. It was beautiful – sunny, mild, perfect for hiking, and dozing in front of a huge bronze eagle in an art gallery, pretending we were part of the exhibit. We ate nachos on the patio of a Mexican restaurant, gourmet Italian in a Tuscany kinda bistro, and corn nuts in the car.

Then curled up in our pajamas in the hotel room and watched some messed up HBO show with Gabrielle Byrne and Dianne Wiest called “In Treatment”. A cheery new show that brutally dissects people with a whole bunch of issues. Nothing like despair and unrelenting self analysis to top off a nice weekend in the red rocks! Thanks Lori, now I’ll have nightmares for a week.

Back home, I look in mild concern at my blog, which is feeble and neglected. Dang, I need to cook/bake something at least half way interesting. But all I can muster up are these disgustingly rich dessert bars. Too much health and navel gazing in Sedona! I need me some butter and sugar and drippy ice cream sauce. And to yell at my husband about the trash still not taken out for 3 days without a big therapy session ending in tears. Ah, home sweet home.

These are adapted from something I’ve made over the years, each time doing something different. They tasted a little dusty this time, so maybe add some cream or extra butter to the oat crust and topping. These actually are pretty good keepers, and good for a nice long hike, smashed in the bottom of your backpack. Cause you all should be thinking about a nice spring hike.

Butterscotch Caramel Oatmeal Bars

1 ¾ cups quick or old-fashioned oats
1 ¾ cups all-purpose flour
¾ cup packed brown sugar
½ teaspoon baking soda
¾ cup (1 ½ sticks) butter, melted
12 oz package butterscotch chips
1 cup dry roasted peanuts, chopped
1 cup Mrs. Richardson’s butterscotch-caramel ice cream topping

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease bottom of 9” X 13” baking pan.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine the oats, 1 ½ cup of the flour (reserve the ¼ cup), brown sugar, baking soda. Stir in melted butter. Mix well. Reserve 1 cup of this mixture and set aside. Press remaining mixture into bottom of prepared baking pan.
3. Bake for 12-15 minutes or until golden brown. Mix the butterscotch chips and peanuts in a bowl. Scatter over top of oatmeal crust.
4. Mix ice cream topping with the reserved ¼ cup flour and drizzle over chips and nuts. Sprinkle with the 1 cup reserved oat mixture.
5. Bake for 20-22 minutes or until bubbly on edges and golden brown. Cool in pan on rack, then refrigerate until firm. Cut into bars.

Love Fest

2008-03-10T08:55:00.008-07:00

I have something like 802 nieces. They are all lovely girls. Diverse, beautiful, talented and spirited - a bevy of bodacious babes. One of my very favorite nieces, Renee, just got married Saturday. Cousin Bubba TORE UP the dance floor.

When Renee and Dave were planning their wedding, I barged right in and “we” (meaning me – the big mouthed, bossy Aunt) came up with the idea of a “dessert table” – rather than one big,(expensive!) wedding cake. And because they were keeping an eye on their budget and because this family includes some great bakers, I "suggested" (insisted) they have a “potluck” table of desserts. Each family member or friend would bring their favorite or best dessert, enough to serve 12-24 (depending on dessert) people. I "offered" (took over) to coordinate this effort – which, at times, was like trying to herd cats. But everyone was enthusiastic and jumped right in, creating some very wonderful and memorable desserts. I made cards to be displayed in front of each dessert, naming the sweet treat and who contributed it. It was a great success – everyone loved the idea and the guests got to sample many different desserts. Renee and Dave also had a small, beautiful “personal” wedding cake and matching cupcakes made by one of their supremely talented friends that were the centerpiece of the table. The dessert table had such a warm, personal, and fun feeling. I’d definitely do this again.

The suggestion I made to family and friends was to try to keep their desserts easy to handle in a buffet line – no pies, messy cakes, etc. Brownies, cupcakes, cookies, bars, fudges, fruits, anything that could be easily picked up and carried away worked best.

Family and friends brought their desserts right to the reception, and we displayed them on the table, which was already decorated with the cards, candles, flowers and platters. So many people commented on how much they loved the idea and that they were going to “steal” the idea! Knock yourselves out – this isn’t rocket science or patented! Just figure out the number of guests, calculate about 2-3 pieces of dessert for each guest, and send out mass email to friends and family laying it out. Have them RSVP what they are bringing, how many it will serve, and then have fun figuring out weddingish names…”Nana’s Perfect Love Pizzelles”, etc.

Here’s a recipe for some very awesome soft gingersnaps with a buttercream frosting that I made…so easy to make and they went fast! I didn’t even get a picture of them at the wedding…but you can imagine pretty much what gingersnaps look like, with a creamy frosting, can’t you??? There IS a picture of some Barbie cupcakes, made just for the tiny flower girls, which, naturally threw them into a tizzy as they tried to pick out their own personal favorite. Flower girl fight!!!

“Going to the Chapel of Love” Frosted Gingersnaps

2 ¼ cups all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon baking soda
¾ teaspoon ground cinnamon
½ teaspoon ground cloves
¼ teaspoon salt
¾ cup unsalted butter, softened to room temp
1 cup granulated sugar
1 large egg
1 tablespoon orange juice
¼ cup dark molasses
Sugar to roll the dough balls in (about ½ cup)

1. Sift together (for me that means tossing with a fork!), the flour, ginger, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt in a medium sized bowl. Set aside.
2. In a large bowl, beat the butter and 1 cup sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in the egg. Stir in the orange juice and molasses. Gradually stir in the flour mixture. Refrigerate dough for about 30 minutes.
3. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
4. Shape dough into slightly larger than a walnut size balls. Place the “rolling” sugar on a plate and roll the dough in the sugar. Place on ungreased (I definitely would use parchment paper) baking sheet, about 2 inches apart. Press down dough balls with the back of spoon, flattening slightly.
5. Bake for 8-10 minutes (slightly browned and cracked). Cool on baking sheets for about 5 minutes, then transfer to wire racks to cool completely before frosting. Store in airtight container.

Buttercream Frosting
1 box confectioners’ sugar
1 stick unsalted butter, softened
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
¼ cup whipping cream
¼ teaspoon cinnamon (optional)

Beat all ingredients together in bowl until light and fluffy.

Vegetables and Nuts

2008-03-05T12:32:00.004-07:00

It’s that time of year to sign up for your CSA! Don’t be a goober and forget to do it (like I did last year) until it’s too late and there are no more shares available in the farm of your choice! It’s the best way (unless you have your own prodigiously producing garden!) to get fresh vegetables, fruits, herbs, flowers, etc. in a very sustainable, community oriented way.

I’m probably preaching to the choir here, because most of you already do this or are aware of it – but just wanted to remind you to sign up ASAP…these shares can sell out fast. “My” own farm is Whipstone Farm….check out their website! I can’t wait for my first pick-up! You’ll be seeing lots of recipes using “my” garden fresh vegetables and herbs in the coming spring and summer months.

On another completely random, unrelated note, yesterday I did a short TV (local station in Phx) interview/demo with my prize winning cupcakes. My good pal, Jenny from Picky Palate warned me about people that sometimes get a bit …enthusiastic….and then try to contact you personally. And I've had people, unknown to me, write or call, to request a recipe or whatever...that's ok, and most people are polite and complimentary. Well, I got my first “hello, I’m a freak, and I’m calling to see if you’d be interested in my freakness” call this morning.

At first I thought it was my sister, who already pranked called an hour before. She tried to change her voice and said “I want to get into your muffin tins”…hahahaha…very funny – no wonder I’m the favorite.

Anyway, my land line rings and it’s a heavy breather, telling me he saw the show and he wants to know if I’m single. Again, I think it’s one of my hilarious friends, and I’m playing along (“yes, I’m single, hang on, I just have to go shoot my husband”) but as this goes on, I realize I have a certifiable nut on the line. So I hang up and ponder this turn of events. I mean, that was just a dopey 3 minute cupcake demo! Being the total hamster that I am, I enjoy the brief attention some of this cooking stuff brings, but I’m not liking this…invasion. People can reach you too easily, even if you take precautions. I’ve got to come up with some good ideas. Like a big whistle, so I can deafen the little twerp on the other end of the line. Anybody deal with this ever before?

Seriously, I need some input!

Me, Anthony, and some grout

2008-03-02T18:38:00.004-07:00

I’ve wanted to make this recipe for quite some time. The idea of sealing the casserole with“dough like grout” really appealed to me. It seemed rustic and primitive, like something a cook in Provence would do while chasing chickens out of the kitchen. Plus I love crafty, gimmicky techniques in my kitchen. Blow torches, hammers, screwdrivers, you name it, if it really belongs in a garage or an kindergarten class, I’m interested. Making a “caulking material” sounded messy and fun.

And, of course, Mr.Bourdain is one of my super heroes, of cooking AND writing. Such amazing talent with a veneer of derelict-ness that sends me into a tizzy. He’s like the Tom Robbins of cooking. My best friend can’t abide him – says he is “offensive”. Well, so? Really, does anyone like a "defensive" guy???

I love his books, his cooking, his travel shows.

His cookbook “Les Halles” is the only one I actually keep right in the kitchen. I look at it frequently, while waiting for something to boil, bake, or soak. It’s motivating. I’ve learned a lot from it, even without cooking the actual recipe I’m reading. I’ve made quite a few of his recipes, all tremendously good. But this leg of lamb…it just kept calling to me. I’ve always had a phobia of sheep. It stems from some Basque sheepherders, who were keeping their herd on my Dad’s field during the winter. They tricked me into eating some sheep’s blood soup. I was 10 years old and not quite ready for something that exotic. Plus, they told me they would cook my Shetland pony if I didn’t get moving. No wonder Spain is in such a pickle!

So, while in Costco the other day, buying the usual cart of crap I don’t really need (you know - 6 tires, a case of Starbuck’s Cappuccino, printer paper, a gallon of artichoke tapenade, and fleece socks) I looked at their lamb and there was a very nicely sized (about 4.5 pounds) leg of lamb. It was time to get over my fear of sheep.

Ok, Anthony, let’s do this thang!

I’ve adapted the recipe to the actual size of the leg of lamb I bought… Anthony’s meat is much larger. No bun intended. Oh please, someone grout my mouth!

“Gigot de Sept Heures” (Seven Hour Leg of Lamb)

Ingredients:
1 leg of lamb, about 6 lb (mine was 4.5 lb)
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced (kept that the same)
20 whole garlic cloves, peeled (that too…love the garlic)
¼ cup olive oil
Salt and pepper
2 small onions, thinly sliced (I used 1 medium sized onion)
4 carrots, peeled (I used 4 small carrots, but didn’t peel them)
1 bouquet garni (no cheesecloth in the hizzy, so I just threw the bay leave, thyme sprigs and parsley right in there)
1 cup dry white wine (I used a cheapo Sauvignon Blanc, cause I don’t drink a lot of white wine)

1 cup flour
1 cup water (this is the fun part…supposedly…more later!)

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Using a paring knife, make many small incisions around the leg and insert a sliver of garlic into each of the incisions. Rub the lamb well with the olive oil. Season lamb all over with salt and pepper. Place it a Dutch oven (I used my trusty orange Le Creuset) and add the onions, carrots, whole garlic, bouquet garni, and wine. Put the lid on the Dutch oven

2. In the medium bowl, combine the flour and water to form a rough “bread dough”, mixing it well with a wooden spoon. Use the dough like grout or caulking material to create a seal that connects the lid to the Dutch oven. Place the Dutch oven in the oven and cook for 7 hours.
3. Remove the Dutch oven from the oven and break the seal. Ideally, that leg of lamb will be “so damn tender that you’ll be able to eat it with a spoon”. (in Anthony’s own words!)

Ok. Everything went swimmingly until I mixed up the flour and water. Dough? What dough? It was like a thick pancake batter. I added more flour, but just couldn’t get it to behave in a way that would be appropriate to get a good caulk. Frustrated, I sealed the casserole with a double layer of foil, then placed the lid on top. Maybe someone has tried this with better success and can let me know what happened to my Play-Doh???!!!!

Also, decreased cooking time to 5 ½ hours. Came out perfect. Delicious. I really could have eaten it with a spoon. Very successful pot of meat!

I served this with smashed red potatoes (with their jackets and a little sour cream and butter), roasted green beans (tossed in olive oil, salt and pepper, 400 degrees for about 20 minutes) and a great little jalapeno-mint sauce to spoon over the falling apart lamb.

Jalapeno-Mint Sauce

2 tablespoons sugar
½ cup water
¼ cup rice vinegar
8-10 oz jar of jalapeno jelly
1/3 cup fresh mint leaves, minced
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice

Combine the sugar, water and vinegar in a small saucepan. Heat over medium heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Take off heat and whisk in the jelly until well combined. Stir in the mint and lemon juice. Refrigerate to cool and thicken slightly. Spoon over meat and potatoes. Yum.

So, I’ve conquered my fear of lamb….this was an amazingly simple and astoundingly delicious rehabilitation. I just want to figure out how to do the damn grout!

I'm a multi-millionaire!

2008-02-29T13:42:00.006-07:00

Flash! I just got this nice email for a Mr. Idris Useni!

"Dear Catherine,
Suddenly you got this mail and may be doubting and wondering how I got your mail contact. Well, I got your contact from an operator of an internet services in the Chambers of Commerce and Industry here in Abidjan, Cote d' Ivoire, hence I decided to write you, though I did not mention the transaction to him.First of all I want you to Know that this is not a scam mail.Because based on what is going on all over the internet world, people find it very difficult to believe things like this any more.If you can guarantee me from your own side, your trust,honestly I will be able to work with you, i will be happy if that is done by you.I Mr Idris Useni ,an accountant with one of the local banks here in Abidjan, the Republic of Cote d'Ivoire I am contacting you on this business of transferring the sum of eight Million US$ (US$8 million) into a safe foreign account and it must be very confidential. I solicit your urgent assistance for the transfer of these funds into your Bank account.I wish to inform you that we discovered the said amount of money during our last audit work in the month of April 2006. Myself and two others of my colleagues discovered this money belongs to one MR Kazu Bakayoko, a very rich farmer who died some four years ago with Kenya airlines plane crash in Kenya on july 2003. Mr. Bakayoko was on board with his entire family including his next of kin to the his account, since then nobody has come for claim of these funds.We therefore solicit your assistance to come out as the next of kin to Mr. Bakayoko. As soon as you agree to do so, we will arrange all formalities to transfer the money to your bank account . Note that all the modalities of this transfer are RISK FREE.We want to make the following points clear for you so that you can have a better understanding of why we are contacting you.(1) As civil servants, we are not permitted to operate or own a foreign account while in office due to CIVIL SERVICE CODE OF CONDUCT.(2) Our present financial resources will not be sufficient to process and procure all documents and formalities from varoius Ministries here, hence the need for a reliable foreign partner abroad is required for financial assistance as the case may be.(3) You will be forwarded as the next of kin of the fund. Your assisting percentage will be as agreed when you finally get back to me. PLEASE DO REPLY ME VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS ONLY IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS TRANSACTION;

Best regards.

Mr.Idris Useni."

Wow…8 million dollars. How exciting. I’m thinking I’ll send Mr. Useni a nice batch of fudge for his efforts on my behalf. You guys think fudge is a good idea? I mean, I’m imagining that folks in the Cote d’Ivoire just don’t have access to good chocolate...some nice Guittard chips or some Scharffenberger? I'm guessing there's a lot of stress there due to coups, plane crashes, and unpicked arugula. Fudge always is a good gift for people needing a bit of of lift.

My reply to Mr. Useni:

Dear Mr. Useni,
First of all, I am sorry for the loss of the rich farmer guy, Mr. Bakayoko, in the plane crash. And with his entire family! Wow…that’s awful! I didn’t know there were airlines in Kenya. I mean, I thought Southwest covered that route. Anyway. What did he farm? Arugula? Eight million dollars is a lot of money for a farmer!

Yes, it’s ok for you to transfer eight million dollars to my account. That is really going to help my overdraft situation. Let me send you the account number and also my social security number as soon as I hear back from you! And you probably need my passport to verify it’s really me, so I'll send that too. Oh, the picture is really bad, don’t pay attention to that! That girl at the passport photo place was such a pill! Between you and me, I think she was just jealous because she didn't get to go anywhere! Also, please send your mailing address! I’d like to send you a thank you gift! Some fudge! For you and your civil servant/ministry buds. Any nut allegies?

Awesome news, thanks so much! Can’t wait to buy an island!
Your friend,
Catherine
PS…dude, you need to use spell check!

Cote d’Ivoire “Thank you for 8 million dollars!” Fudge

Makes 48 squares

1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow cream
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup evaporated milk
¼ cup butter
¼ teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup milk chocolate chips
½ cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Line a 8” x 8” pan with aluminum foil. Set aside.
2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, combine marshmallow cream (nuke this in microwave for a few seconds to help get out of the jar!), sugar, evaporated milk, butter, and salt. Bring to a full boil, and cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly, and scrapping sides of saucepan to bring the sugar crystals down into mixture.
3. Remove from heat and pour in chocolate chips. Stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth. Stir in nuts and vanilla. Pour into prepared pan. Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours until firm. Cut into squares.

Tagged and Bagged!

2008-02-29T10:07:00.005-07:00

Jenny from The Picky Palate has tagged me. This is a first. I'm not sure how I feel about being tagged...I've read that some bloggers find it annoying. But I'm thinking it's pretty fun. I mean, I'm my favorite topic, so any excuse.....I mean, just 5 things??? I could spend hours discussing my fascinating self....just ask my husband!

I'll have to give some thought to who I'll tag, and that will be in a future post.

Here goes:

1. When I was 8 or 9, my grandmother taught me to handicap the horses at the races. She would send me on “spy” missions down to the stables to find out from the trainers and jockeys which horse was doped or which one was hot. I was a good little bookie, in my braids and little Levi’s….nobody thought twice about me asking questions about the "pretty horses"….we had a very good run, winning money for my college fund, which she kept stuffed in her alligator purse, all in $20 and $50 bills. I'm still pretty good at pickin' the ponies!

2. We once had a pet baby elephant for a couple of days, after my Dad and his derelict friends stole him from a Shriner’s parade and brought him home in the back of pick-up for “the kids”. We named him, what else? – Dumbo. We were heartbroken when the police came.

3. I used to work as a cook and oarsman for an expedition company. One time I had to cook a monkey to feed clients, because Guatemalan revolutionaries stole our food. Howler monkey tastes like smoky chicken.

4. I once went for a “ride” in an Israeli fighter jet with a really hot Israeli fighter jet pilot. Wow, that was my first crush on a real man (he had an eye patch! he'd been shot!) and not some college bozo with a turned up collar and a Chevy Nova.

5. Someday, I really want to catch someone hurting a child or someone helpless and totally beat them senseless.

"Simply Irresistible"

2008-02-25T14:05:00.008-07:00

This is my entry to a reallllly cool Blogging Event...."Eat to the Beat!" Check it, peeps!
Food and music - woo hoo!

Remember Robert Palmer? Kinda hot! Maybe not to you whippersnappers, (Emiline), but back in the day, I totally rocked the spandex….pretending I was a 'Robert Palmer girl'. Too bad the babysitter and the kids laughed so hard when I came downstairs in my red lipstick and slicked back hair. And it didn't help when I took a header in my 4 inch heels. While dancing. And doing air guitar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3geoXOdnJQ

And how about these ooey gooey puppies, eh? Looking pretty rockin’?? They are SO "simply irresistible" and, (because you all know what a lazy, sketchy, and paranoid baker I am), VERY easy. Nothing can go wrong. Except getting the butterscotch caramel syrup in your hair. That was messy. And NOT very Robert Palmerish.

Oh, dear Lord, what kinda of deluded 80's memories am I serving up these days????

I used my Texas sized muffin pan – because Texas goes with shoulder pads, spandex dresses, and…oh, never mind. These are just big ol’ irresistible Robert-Palmer-girl-over-the-top muffin cakes. And you MUST use Mrs. Richardson's topping...it's the best.

"Simply Irresistible" Banana and Butterscotch-Caramel Muffin Cakes

Makes 6 – I really suggest the “Big Pan”

For Muffin Cakes:
6 tablespoons butter, softened to room temperature
½ cup brown sugar, packed (light or dark, whatever)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
½ cup cake flour
½ cup all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon ground allspice
½ teaspoon ground nutmeg
2/3 cup smashed overripe banana (about 1 small one)
1/3 cup sour cream
1-2 tablespoons milk, as needed

For Filling and Topping
1 jar Mrs. Richardson’s Butterscotch-Caramel Ice Cream Topping Sauce
½ cup heavy cream, whipped
2 medium nice bananas, sliced very thinly
About 3 oz good dark chocolate (I used Sharffen Berger), shaved

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line a 6 hole muffin tin (Texas!) with paper liners or grease with butter and dust with a little flour.
2. In a medium sized bowl, beat together the butter and sugar with an electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, beating well after each one. Beat in the vanilla.
3. In a small bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, allspice and nutmeg.
4. Add the banana and sour cream to butter mixture.
5. Stir in the flour mixture, just mixing in and not beating too much. Add milk if necessary to obtain a nice banana bread type batter.
6. Divide mixture among baking cups and smooth with spatula. Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown and springy to the touch.
7. Remove to rack, cool for a few minutes, then remove muffins to cool completely before filling.
8. Cut cakes horizontally into three slices. Re-assemble cakes with caramel and 4 banana slices on the bottom and middle layers. Place top layer.
9. Fold 3 tablespoons of the butterscotch caramel topping into the whipped cream – don’t over mix, it will appear streaky, which is good!
10. Dollop the top of each muffin cake with whipping cream and top with chocolate shavings.

And Now For A Commercial Break....

2008-02-21T17:10:00.005-07:00

Notice the awesome new header above??? The fantabulous Emiline made it for me! She has been sick, in bed, bored, and was probably high on Nyquil, so she designed this cool new masthead for me. Thanks, Emiline...I love it! One of the best reasons I have for blogging is connecting with such talented, generous, and thoughtful other bloggers. That, and the food. The glorious food that makes me want to lick the computer monitor at times. It's stuptifying (word?) how many prolific and talented cooks and bakers there are! One great blog leads me to hundreds of others. The only limit on blog hopping is the time I have to cruise around and sample the goods. Truly inspiring and really really fun.

Tomorrow, our nephew Aaron plays Tiger Woods in Accenture Match Play Championship. If you can, tune in. And send him good vibes. He's a great guy. He CAN beat Tiger. He's got the good guy mojo going on! If he beats Tiger I am going to bake him a cake. I'm going to call it "Tiger Woods is a Loser Cake"...ok, not really, that's not very nice. Maybe just a nice Double Chocolate Layer Cake with Gananche Frosting. Yeah, that's the ticket! Tiger will be SO jealous! Go Aaron!!!!

Does Kerry Simon know Scones????

2008-02-20T14:33:00.006-07:00

Whew. Good to be home. It’s really really really tough laying around on a cushy chaise lounge by the pool, in 71 degree sunny weather, with my I Pod stuck on mediation music. Really exhausting...you know what I mean?? I need a nap.

Ok, so now that I’m back to reality and pending snow showers, I felt like a little something that would support my butter habit. So, who likes scones??? Raise your hands, please! Oh, I see….some of you seem to be pretending that you are all into health and stuff, and scones aren’t on your diet! That’s crazy. EVERYONE NEEDS A SCONE NOW AND THEN. With lots of butter. There’s no other way. Some uppity British waiter once made a face when I asked for butter for my scones. He said a "proper scone" only requires jam. Yeah...well, let’s just remember the American Revolution, shall we, pal? We won the right to put butter on everything.

These scones are awesome. I love ginger. Candied ginger. And butter. Did I mention that? And I do believe that Nancy Silverton knows a thing or two about baking. These were the best selling scones in her renowned “La Brea Bakery” in LA. You will love them. End of story. Just mix, bake, slather with butter. This recipe makes 8 perfect scones and you’ll eat all of them with a silly smile on your face.

And just think of how all that butter will make your hair shiny!

Nancy Silverton’s Ginger Scones

Makes 8

2 ¼ cups unbleached pastry flour or unbleached all-purpose flour
1/3 cup granulated sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon finely chopped or grated lemon zest
1 ½ sticks (6 oz) unsalted butter, cut into 1 inch cubes and frozen
4 ½ oz candied ginger, finely chopped (see Notes below) into ¼ inch pieces to equal 2/3 cup
¾ cup heavy cream, plus extra for brushing the tops of the scones.

Adjust oven rack to the middle position and preheat to 400 degrees.

In the bowl of a food processor fitted with the steel blade or in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the flour, sugar, and baking powder.
Pulse or mix on low to incorporate. Add the lemon zest and butter, and pulse on and off, or mix on low, until the mixture is pale yellow and the consistency of fine meal.

Transfer the mixture to a large mixing bowl and stir in the ginger. Make a well in the center and pour in the cream. Using one hand, draw in the dry ingredients, mixing until just combined.

Wash and dry your hands…dust with flour. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured work surface and gently knead (see Notes) a few times to gather it into a ball. Roll or pat the dough into a circle about ¾ inch thick. Cut out the circles, cutting as closely together as possible and keeping the trimmings intact.

Gather the scraps, pat and press the pieces back together, and cut out the remaining dough. Place the scones 1 inch apart on a parchment lined baking sheet.

Brush the tops with remaining cream.

Bake for 12-16 minutes, or until surface cracks and they are lightly browned.

Notes: I use my handy dandy kitchen shears to cut up the sticky ginger – much easier than chopping with a knife. You don’t really “knead’ the dough as much as sort of gather and press and coax gently into shape. It’s kinda crumbly, but it’ll press together. You can use a 3 inch cookie cutter or wine glass to cut the scones. Using 3 inch cutter, you will get exactly 8 scones!

This is my super awesome niece, Katie Ross (the Boss) Modesitt....she loves scones, shopping, strawberry (virgin) daiquiris, and swimming!

Television Hilarity!

2008-02-15T09:22:00.005-07:00

Well, I’ll be leaving town tomorrow morning early. Gone for the long weekend. No cooking this weekend!

Going to meet my sister in Palm Springs for some sun (she lives in San Francisco and it’s been pretty gloomy and wet up there...not to say snowing here!) and to hide out. For good reason – I’ll be making my national television debut on Sunday evening. The new Food Network series “Ultimate Recipe Showdown” – mine is the first show, “Chicken”. Sunday, February 17, 9 pm Eastern. It is better that I cringe in private. My husband will have his best buddy over to watch at home….I don’t think I could stand to have my pal Mike say, “wow, why do you look so….electrocuted?”

And my sister, Lori, was the one who stuck it out with me throughout the taping. She calmed me down when I was shaking so bad, I could have had an unfortunate "Saturday Night Live" Julia Child/knife incident! She told me which outfit looked like “you’re not wearing THAT, are you???” and wiped the lipstick off my teeth. I couldn’t have survived the experience without her!

While I’m apprehensive of how I’ll appear a fool, the actual experience of doing it was wonderful. I LOVED my fellow contestants – all so talented and gracious. You’ll see Michelle Anderson along with me – she won the National Chicken competition last year (and $100,000!) so she knew a thing or two about cooking chicken....nothing like just a little competition! And I had a soft spot for Lauren, the darling, super talented young woman from New Orleans. She is just wonderful. Everyone was wonderful! And be sure to watch my good pal, Jenny Flake of "The Picky Palate" when her show airs, “Comfort Food”. I just think Jenny is the best thing since sliced bread. So kind, talented, and level-headed…she’s been a sort of mentor for me and I’ve so appreciated her input and support.

The Food Network and High Noon staff were just terrific. From producers to cameramen to our prep assistants, they were professional, supportive, and fun to do this with. I spent a lot of time laughing, which went a long way to helping me not pass out. And Guy Fieri….he was not only hilariously funny, he was helpful (I mean, doing the live shoot, he saw me start to do something stupid, and his commentary put me back on track!), and just a really nice guy. I was nervous and freaked out, but I wouldn’t have traded this experience for anything.

I hope you all enjoy the show. It’s a good concept and I think it will be pretty entertaining.

And by entertaining, I just hope you laugh WITH me instead of AT me!!!

Mike, you listening?????

2008-02-14T14:54:00.004-07:00

Happy Valentine’s Day, all you love bugs! I have a little treat for you! This is fast, easy, delicious. Not even any baking! These gems are kind of a cross between a cupcake and a huge piece of candy. What would you call that – a cupdy?? Or cakecan??? I just call them wonderful. They remind me of a chocolate popcorn ball…they’re messy, gooey, chocolate-all-over-your-face good. If you make them for your kids, they will probably clean up their room.

I guess I’ll share them with my husband. Valentine’s Day is a rather touchy subject since the year he presented me with a Shop-Vac. I mean, I like a Shop-Vac as much as the next person, but there’s something about an appliance that picks up dirt that doesn’t bring to mind – romance. At least he put a red bow on it. And then there was the year, early on in our marriage, when he was working very long hours and we didn’t plan anything special for Valentine’s. He came home, dead tired, and woke me up at 10:30pm with a bouquet of flowers. I was so touched – he remembered! But then I read the card…”To Wanda, Love Harold”. Whaaaa???? Turns out he didn’t have time to go anywhere to buy flowers. So he flagged down a florist late that night, while he was driving home, and asked if he had any “spares”. The guy had one bouquet in the back of the truck and he couldn’t find the address to deliver it. So my husband bought it from him, neglecting to check the card.

So here’s to you, Harold. Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Wanda

No-Bake Chocolate Candy Cakes - "Cupdies"!

Makes 12

5 – 2 oz Milky Way bars
4 tablespoons butter
3 ½ cups crispy rice cereal (Rice Krispies)
1 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips, melted
1 teaspoon vanilla

1. Line a 12 –cup muffin tin with paper baking cups.

2. Chop 4 of the candy bars coarsely. Cut the remaining bar into slices.

3. In a medium saucepan, place the chopped candy bars and butter – heat over medium heat, stirring until melted and smooth.

4. Stir in the crispy rice cereal.

5. Stir the vanilla into the melted chocolate chips (I melt them by placing in microwavable bowl, and nuking on high for 10 seconds, stirring, then nuking again in 10 second increments, stirring after each, until melted).

6. Press the candy bar/cereal mixture into baking cups. Spread with melted chocolate. Top each with sliced candy bar. Refrigerate 30 minutes or until set.

Party Like It's 1989

2008-02-13T07:17:00.002-07:00

For this week’s Papa Dale Pie Project, I’ve made a pecan tart. It’s a 1989 Martha Stewart recipe, from a calendar. Evidently, back in 1989, I needed calendars to bake. From what I remember, each month of this calendar had a recipe below a photograph of the benignly smiling Martha, baking whatever was the month’s specialty with absolute authority and perfection.

Back in those days, I also made my own curtains (and matching Easter dresses for my girls and bow ties for the boys…they still haven’t forgiven me), roasted a leg of lamb every weekend (with mint that I grew in the garden, of course!), stenciled the garage door, put up a Christmas tree decorated with handmade birds nests (by me, not the birds), and painted the hamster cage with pastoral scenes (he died…from lead poisoning, I suspect). In short – I was out of my ever-loving mind. I spent much of those Martha years, running around making bunny rabbits out of radishes. Boy, was I glad when she went off to prison…I needed a REST.

I much prefer these years of sloth and unrelenting self-indulgence. Ice cream right out of the carton with a spoon! Bisquick! Brownie Mixes!! There’s not a damn homemade placemat in sight! The crystal French sorbet dishes? Martinis!!!! And I didn’t even go to prison!

To her credit, this pecan tart of Martha’s is just the bomb. It’s not as sweet as a traditional pecan pie, and the hint of citrus is just perfect. And, I get to use my beloved rectangle tart pan. I just love that pan. I bought it especially to make this tart back in 1989. I don’t know if it just looks…tidier…or what. If I can cram a pie crust into it, I’ll do it. The servings just look so elegant. Not all pie-y with fruit guts spilling out all over the plate. Nice and neat.

Just like 1989 me and Martha.

Martha Stewart’s Pecan Tart – circa 1989

Makes one rectangular tart (or a plain ol’ pie…but, really…would Martha do that????)

1 unbaked pate brisee (or basic pie crust) tart shell
4 large eggs
1 cup packed dark brown sugar
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ cup molasses
¼ cup light corn syrup
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and cooled
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Grated rind of 1 lemon or orange
1 ½ cups chopped pecans
About 1 ¼ cups perfect pecan halves (and when Martha says “perfect”, you better get perfect!)
1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.
2. Put the eggs into mixing bowl and beat with a fork. Blend in the sugar, salt, molasses, and corn syrup. Stir in the butter, vanilla, and lemon or orange rind, mixing until thoroughly blended. Add the chopped pecans.
3. Pour the filling mixture into the pastry shell and neatly arrange the pecan halves in rows on top. Bake for 45-50 minutes, until the pastry is lightly browned and the filling is set. Let the tart cool on a rack before cutting and serving.

I'm So Fishy

2008-02-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am always messing around with savory sauces or butters. Particularly those

that can compliment salmon. Ever since a heart surgeon told me he eats salmon

every MORNING for BREAKFAST (!) because he believes so strongly in the health

benefits, I’ve strived to add lots of fresh salmon to my diet. It’s easy for me

because I just love salmon. I am so boring and predictable at restaurants

because I always go for the salmon. I could be sitting at the most fabulous

steakhouse in the country that serves big fat juicy prime rib and I’ll say, “Well

then, I’ll just have the salmon, please!”

This is a recipe that’s been around my kitchen for some time. I cannot remember
where it came from…it’s scratched on the back of an old grocery receipt. With
gum stuck to it. That probably came from the bottom of a long-gone-to-
Salvation-Army purse. And I most likely copied this from a magazine in a
waiting room, because I’m too paranoid to just rip the dang page out. Like, what
are those nurses going to do?? Bill me? The way medical costs are, I should get
free subscriptions to every magazine in the reception room for at least 5 years.

This butter recipe is breeze to throw together (as long as you remember to do it ahead, so the butter has time to freeze) and it’s just delightful on salmon. My husband thinks it’s a tad too “caper-y”, so if capers aren’t your thing, decrease the amount you use. It makes plenty, so just keep the leftover in the freezer for the next time you have salmon. Like maybe for breakfast! (Let’s just forget about the fat content in the butter, shall we?)

“Salmon with Caper-Anchovy Butter”

4 garlic cloves
3 anchovy fillets (I drain them first – and use the leftovers in tuna salad)
2 tablespoons capers (again, drained)
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon Cognac
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley (I’ve used cilantro with good results)
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
½ cup (1 stick) butter, at room temperature

Blend first 7 ingredients together in food processor. Add butter and process until well-blended. Season to taste with salt, if desired (I think it’s salty enough with the anchovies!). Form the butter mixture into about a 9 inch long log and wrap with plastic wrap. Freeze until firm, at least 1 hour. Let butter soften slightly before using.

Broil or grill salmon steaks or filets as you like. Transfer to plates. Cut butter into ½ inch thick slices and top each piece of salmon with 2 or 3 slices. Serve hot.

*I served this with olive oil and salt roasted asparagus and tomatoes with a little feta cheese thrown on top during the last 10 minutes of roasting....right in there with the salmon. Yum.

(I'm betting this would be terrific with a variety of other fish as well...maybe even boring old prime rib)

The Sweetest Thing

2008-02-11T14:29:00.000-07:00

Our son leaves for Iraq in about 6 hours. We have spent the last several days (which explains the lack of posting exquisite recipes and witty commentary) completely devoted to him, and we then took him back to his base to prepare for his departure. Luckily, that was Camp Pendleton, near San Diego, which gave us opportunity for some beautiful beach time!

He has already served one tour in Iraq…that tour was relatively safe (if there is such a thing!) and pretty uneventful. But this tour is more intense…and his job and mission is very dangerous. However, I am finished crying and wringing my hands. What he needs from me now is packages of gum, toothbrushes, hard candy for the Iraqi kids, wet wipes, and cookies that don't crumble. That part is easy! I'll be a cookie bakin' fool!!!! The harder thing is to keep my head up and live each day in a happy mood and not worry. He would not like it AT ALL if I became all weepy, walking around sighing, blathering away about him…he’d be so embaressed if he knew I was writing this! But I am so proud of him and want to shout out what a great, great man and son he is.

AND….I’m finally posting my win in the Cake-Mate “Mother of All Bake Sales” contest. Mine are the "French Bakery Vanilla Cupcakes". There were 5 grand prize winners…just look at those beauties! I especially liked Beth Royals submission….so creative! We each won $1,000 PLUS an additional $1,000 to be donated to charity of our choice, which, for me, will be “Make-A-Wish Foundation”. This is a surprising win for me, mainly because I am not that great of a baker and also because this is a very simple recipe – the cupcakes are good, but I think I won because I used lots of the sponsors decorations in a pretty cute way. They were adorable and easy. I’m especially pleased with this win because it’s not often that a charity also benefits.

(This is my picture that I submitted...the one up top is a pic that the Cake-Mate people did...obviously, better photographers!)

So, life IS pretty sweet….I’ve got a son that sends my heart to the moon! And I get to make cupcakes with Barbie decorations that won some cash for a great charity! I guess it’s all in how you look at things, huh???

I wonder if Marines like cupcakes with flowers??? Hmmmmmm

"Sweet!!!"

2008-02-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I entered a Vidalia Onion contest. I luvvvv me some Vidalia Onions! My wonderful late father-in-law used to order a crate of them in the spring from Georgia or some southern State or another (where is Al Gore from??), and he’d give us lots of them, which I would eat just raw, in a mayonnaise sandwich. Sounds disgusting, right? Well, you just haven’t LIVED RIGHT until you have an onion sandwich! Which reminds me of nephew Bobby’s anchovy sandwiches…but, I digress.

So, I entered the contest, and to my great delight I was in the top 10. I got a groovy little onion trivet! Who can claim that, huh??? It’s cool!

The winning recipe submitted by Kelly McWherter from Texas intrigued me. “Sweet Vidalia Sliders” It sounded so good. Anything with meat, brie cheese, and onions is captivating. So I kept that recipe close, thinking I’d cook up those little sliders sometime.

We didn’t have a big deal planned for Super Bowl, but I’ve been so busy and distracted, that I NEEDED to get in the kitchen and fiddle around. I thought Kelly’s recipe would be perfect for Super Bowl viewing. So I tucked my husband into the couch with his remote and comforter, and got to it. And, wowza! That Vidalia Onion Committee knew what they were doing! Those are some AWESOME little burgers! We loved them and (totally out of character for me) I wouldn’t change a thing. Maybe smash them down a bit to cook faster, but nothing else. I’ve cooked a few winning recipes from other contests and frankly, (no sour grapes, I promise) some just don’t seem to be that special. But this one is a keeper.

Congratulations, Kelly! You flat out earned that win! Rather than post the recipe here, I’ve linked it above…saves bandwidth! I’m all about saving the environment, you know.

BTW, my recipe is down toward the bottom of the page...my trivet winning “Caramelized Vidalia Onion Waffles with Smoked Salmon and Lemon-Caper Sour Cream Sauce"

"Not Just A Hunk of Meat!"

2008-02-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

I have been awfully hard on the spousal unit in previous posts. And I feel rather bad about it. I fear that you might assume he’s kind of a Neanderthal dork. Not so! He’s a swell guy, a devoted husband, a stellar Dad, smart as a whip, and my best friend. That’s probably why I can make such fun of him…and he even laughs right along with me. A less secure man might whine about my…tales of domestic mishaps. Of course, that's impossible, cause I couldn’t be married to a wimp that whined. I am the only whiner allowed in the house. That’s why he’s so wonderful. He totally “gets it”…I’m a high-maintenance nut and he’s accepted it. We have a great life together. We’ve raised 4 amazing kids, been through all kinds of life-altering events, both exhilarating and heart-breaking, nursed each other through sicknesses (both psychic and physical) and he still chases me around the house, me shrieking like a banshee. He listens to my crazy ideas (“say, how do you feel about me climbing Kilimanjaro?), takes the dead mice out of the traps (I’m sobbing, “Ratatouille, Ratatouille!), irons his own shirts (and mine), and takes care of the boogie man. He loves us with passion, intelligence, absolute devotion, patience, and best of all, great humor. There is no one who can make me laugh harder.

And, did I mention – the guy can flat out cook? Well, actually he’s best at cooking meat. He can sear, braise, grill, and sauté anything that once had a heartbeat like none other. I always defer to him in that department. He’s a pro! I’m so bossy and opinionated in the kitchen that sometimes I forget just how great a talent that is. I struggle with meat…how long, how thick, what temperature? It’s a great mystery to me. But he always gets it right with very little effort or panic.

He’s been talking about making “his” Reuben sandwich for some time. Yesterday he announced that I needed to “get out” and let him take over the kitchen. So I’m going to share the making of his Reuben…and it was delicious. Nothing all that complicated….but with his unique way of doing the brisket and building the sandwich, I think it was probably the best ever.

Just like him. Unique and totally delicious – the best ever.

Reuben Sandwich

Serves 4 with corned beef leftover for hash the next morning

1 corned beef brisket w/ the pickling spices, cooked according to package or some other good recipe you might have.

A couple of potatoes, unpeeled, cut up in big chunks (you might throw in more, if you plan on corned beef hash the next day!)

3 or 4 carrots, unpeeled, cut up in big chunks

1 can (15 oz) Bavarian Style Sauerkraut with caraway seeds (he insists on Libby brand)

Butter for buttering the bread

1 bottle of Thousand Island dressing (Kraft…again he has specific brands he likes!)
1 loaf Schwarzwalder rye bread (Orowheat)

Several slices good Swiss cheese (I like Boar’s Head - he didn’t really have an opinion)

1. Cook the corned beef brisket as directed. When done, remove to cutting board, cut in half, (with the grain) and let rest of a few minutes. Throw the potatoes and carrots into the cooking water and bring to boil and cook until tender, about 15 minutes, about the time you need to rest the corned beef.
2. Meanwhile, heat the sauerkraut in a medium sized saucepan until simmering. Drain in a colander very well, pushing out all liquid with back of spoon. Keep warm.
3. Heat a large sauté pan over medium heat. Slice the corned beef (against the grain) into ½ inch thick slices. Layer the corned beef and cheese onto slices of bread and put together. Butter one side and place buttered side down into hot pan. Cook like a grilled cheese sandwich, flipping and buttering the other side when first side is nicely browned. Flip again to finish.

4. Take sandwich apart, and pile on the sauerkraut and squirt on the Thousand Island dressing to taste. Put sandwich back together again.
5. Cut and serve on a plate along side with the boiled carrots and potatoes.

Yes, he's Irish. He's very pale and loves potatoes and beer.

Hiatus

2008-02-02T11:34:00.000-07:00

I've been reallllllly busy for the last two and will be for the next two days, hence....I've self-diagnosed myself with "blog attention deficit disorder"! Anybody got any cooking ritalin?

I've got a couple of realllllly good recipes ready to rock and roll, and hopefully can get to it soon!

So enjoy the weekend! Do something realllllly fun, like....stand in front of the television during Super Bowl, and recite some poetry.

Later, gaters!

"Al Gore is a slacker and I made apricot pie"

2008-01-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

My internet was goofy all day yesterday and finally went totally down today. "They" said it was a tower down because of the storm.

I blame Al Gore. I mean, if he invented the darn thing, you'd think he'd keep it going!

But oh no, he's too busy going all over the place trying to make everything better for our planet. Hey Al, first things first, ok pal??? You can't make the environment better if we can't email all our friends to stop buying Dixie cups!!!

I could read email on my Blackberry, but I cannot, for the life of me, type on those itty bitty keys very fast, so I couldn't communicate. I'm back up, which is great, because I'm kinda addicted to cyberspace. I mean, what is the purpose of life, if you can't forward jokes???

For this week’s “Papa Dale Pie Project”, I’ve made an apricot pie. Now, I was stumped on how the heck I was going to make an apricot pie, with no fresh apricots – even though my Dad said canned ones would “be fine”. It didn’t sound likely, in fact it sounded kinda horrid. So I decided to call on the experts….the wonderful Norita Solt, who has won something like 2 zillion ribbons in the Iowa state fair over the years. She had some very good ideas and also very generously contacted Louise Piper, another very proficient prize-winning pie baker, who had a simple recipe using canned apricots. Bakers - the most amazingly generous chemists in the world. Thank you, ladies – you’ll made the world’s foremost pie expert (my Dad) very happy!

I'll take it to him tomorrow morning...I know it will be wonderful.

Louise Piper’s Apricot Pie

Pastry for a 9” two-crust pie
½ cup granulated sugar
3 tablespoons cornstarch
¼ teaspoon salt
3 – 15 oz. cans apricot halves, well drained and cut up a bit
1 tablespoon lemon juice
2 tablespoons butter

Line a pie plate with bottom crust.

Combine the sugar, cornstarch and salt in a large bowl. Fold in cut, drained apricots and lemon juice.

Pour into pie shell. Dot apricots with pieces of butter. Cover top with pastry (either lattice style or cut vents in top) and crimp edges. Bake at 375 for 40 – 45 minutes or until nicely browned.

Cook’s Notes: I did add a scant teaspoon of freshly grated nutmeg to the sugar mixture. After I drained the apricots, I used kitchen shears to cut the apricots a bit smaller. I also patted them dry as possible with paper towels, so as not to be too mushy. I brushed the top crust with a little milk mixed with a dash of vanilla, then sprinkled granulated sugar over the top. I also needed to cover the crust edges with strips of foil (I use the “quick release” foil so it won’t stick!) to avoid over browning. Those store-bought tin pie edge covers never work for me. I like to cut 4 or 5 foil strips, about 4 inches in length and 2 inches wide, and make my own. Way better.

"Focaccia"

2008-01-28T13:56:00.000-07:00

When I am feeling under the weather, (which I am, can’t you hear me whining from here????) I want to make bread. There’s something about the softness of the flour, the warmth of the kitchen, the smell of baking…it’s so comforting. Even kneading helps! Of course, I’m spreading all my germs all over everything, but maybe the baking killed them. Who knows? Anyway, I also hooked up my Bose speakers (finally) to the stereo and I recommend kneading bread to “GusGus”.
I’m just sayin’….you should CHECK OUT THESE GUYS!

I haven’t made my Focaccia in a while – I used to make it every week when all the kids were home. The little savages would eat all of it in about an hour. It’s extremely easy and like all bread recipes, lets you attend to other important things while the dough is rising or resting. I mean, I did, like, 10 Sudoku puzzles!

Additions to the dough are up to you. I almost always add sautéed garlic and chopped chives. The toppings - you can go crazy….since there are 4 breads to a batch, you can do something a little different on each one. Today one had rosemary and sea salt, one had sliced tomatoes and finely grated Pecorino Romano, one had just the cheese, and one had thinly sliced shallots. Be sure to use a fruity olive oil for the brushing…makes a big difference. And I always sprinkle my breads with sea salt after baking. But I’m a salt freak. If I could have a salt lick in my living room, I would. Moo.

Focaccia

Makes 4 flat rounds

1 tablespoon dry yeast
4 cups warm water (we’re talking baby bottle warm)
3 tablespoons olive oil
About 6 cups bread flour OR 2 cups whole wheat flour and 3 cups bread flour
1 ½ tablespoons coarse kosher salt
GOOD extra virgin olive oil for brushing Focaccia

1. Fill a large mixing bowl with hot water. Let stand for a few minutes, then pour off water. Add the 4 cups warm water to bowl. Sprinkle the yeast over the water and let stand for 5 minutes.
2. Stir in the olive oil
3. Add half (3 cups ) of the flour and stir until it is all incorporated. Add salt and any additions you wish (see notes below).
4. Beat the batter (at this point, it’s like a thick pancake batter) until dough is elastic and grabs the spoon when you lift it. Stir in more flour to make a soft dough and mix until mixing becomes difficult.
5. Cover bowl with damp towel or plastic wrap and place in warm spot – let rise until doubled.
6. Sprinkle dough with handful of flour, enough to remove the stickiness on the surface.
Punch down dough, deflating it. Pour dough out of bowl onto a well floured surface. It will be pretty sticky, so cover your hands with flour and use a light tough. Cut (I use a dough scraper to do this) into 4 pieces. Knead each piece until dough is homogenous, adding more flour as necessary to keep surface dry and not so sticky. Maintain a soft dough and avoid the temptation to add more flour. Dust each piece lightly with flour, and set aside for about 15 minutes, to allow the dough to relax.
7. Preheat your oven now, to 400 degrees. Prepare 2 baking sheets by generously oiling them with olive oil. When ready, place 2 pieces of dough onto each baking sheet, pat and gently stretch each piece of dough into a disk, about 1 inch thick. Brush generously with olive oil. Let rise until puffy, 15-30 minutes.
8. If you have chosen to do so, sprinkle dough with toppings. Then dimple the dough with your fingertips. Brush tops with olive oil again. Bake in preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, until browned (check the bottoms too!) If baking both sheets in same oven, switch positions halfway through baking.

9. After breads are removed from oven, brush once again with olive oil and sprinkle with coarse sea salt, if desired.

*If you are adding garlic or onion into the dough, sauté first in the olive oil, let cool, then add when oil is to be stirred in. Other additions could be finely minced fresh rosemary or sage, freshly grated Parmesan or Pecorino Romano cheese, or pieces of dried tomato in oil.
* For toppings, sprinkle dough before you bake with one or more of the following…very thinly sliced onions or shallots, crumbed sage or rosemary leaves, finely minced garlic, Parmesan cheese, freshly ground black pepper, sea salt, thinly sliced, seeded tomatoes.

The picture below is one I took of a huge hawk sitting on my tree, outside my upstairs bedroom window yesterday. He was bedraggled and wet from the storm. I went outside to talk to him, but he didn't have much to say. He was pretty miserable, I think. So I got him a hot dog and put it below the tree. I think he liked it. Isn't he beautiful??

"Love, Honor, and WHAT!?!?

2008-01-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

The Scene: A dark and rainy day. A man. A woman. Standing in the kitchen. The man is restless, talking, hungry. The woman is listening with her usual good cheer and patience. She is sniffling, hair in a deranged ponytail, and in her robe, because she has been fighting a cold for a couple of days. But she gazes with adoration at the man.

He: “So, when you are going to make that beef stuff again???”

She: (with a light background of harp music and chirping birds) “Why, darling, whatever do you mean?”

He: “You know! That stew that woman, uh, what’s-her-name, makes? Bare Feet Princess? Whatever food show you watch all the time – the really good meat stew! Come on, that stuff is good! I’m really hungry!”

She: (cute little clouds of happiness and rainbows surrounding her angelic face) “Why sweetheart, I think who you mean is, “The Barefoot Contessa” and you probably are remembering the "Beef Bourguignon"! I’ve made that a number of times and you loved it!”

He: “Yeah. Whatever. Make that.”

She: (tiny feathers of angel wings sprouting from her shoulders) “Why, my pumpkin, I would be so honored to prepare that for you! Shall I get you a beer and rub your feet before I begin? And then, while you’re napping on the couch with a bag of Fritos on your stomach, I’ll start a load of laundry and then I’ll run to the supermarket in this pouring rain to get all the ingredients and I will also get you some hunting magazines, 12 Snicker bars, and some Slim Jims – is that ok, my peach popsicle??”

Background noise of flying wooden spoon hitting a soft surface and then....a yowl.

Fade to the man and woman walking into Olive Garden, mid-afternoon. Man is looking a bit....under the weather. He is holding umbrella over the woman’s head and mumbling.
The woman glances up and smiles ever so sweetly. He holds the door open for her. They disappear into the restaurant. (Hallelujah chorus in the background.)

For all you kitchen saints out there, I offer this insanely delicious Beef Bourguignon recipe from Ina Garten. (from the book below) This is such a pleasure to make and serve…it really deserves a…very appreciative audience. If you get my drift.

Ina would never put up with any husband nonsense, I just know it. She’d just go out to dinner with one of her decorator pals.

“Beef Bourguignon – Ina Garten (The Barefoot Contessa)”

Serves 6

1 tablespoon good olive oil
8 ounces dry cured center cut applewood smoked bacon, diced
2 ½ pounds chuck beef, cut into 1-inch cubes
Kosher salt
Freshly ground black pepper
1 pound carrots, sliced diagonally into 10inch chunks
2 yellow onions, sliced
2 teaspoons chopped garlic (2 cloves)
½ cup Cognac
1 bottle good dry red wine such as Cote du Rhone or Pinot Noir
2 cups beef broth
1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
4 tablespoons unsalted butter at room temperature, divided
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 pound frozen whole onions
1 pound fresh mushrooms, stems discarded, caps thickly sliced.

For serving:
Country bread or Sour Dough bread toasted or grilled and rubbed with garlic clove.
½ cup chopped fresh parsley

Preheat oven to 250 degrees.

Heat the olive oil in a large Dutch oven. Add the bacon and cook over medium heat for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the bacon is lightly browned. Remove the bacon with a slotted spoon to a large plate.

Dry the beef cubes with paper towels and then sprinkle them with salt and pepper. In batches in single layers, sear the beef in the hot oil for 3 to 5 minutes, turning to brown on all sides. Remove the seared cubes to the plate with the bacon, and continue searing until all the beef is browned. Set aside.

Toss the carrots, and onions, 1 tablespoon of salt and 2 teaspoons of pepper in the fat in the pan, and cook for 10 – 15 minutes, stirring occasionally, just until the onions are lightly browned. Add the garlic and cook for 1 more minutes. Add the Cognac, stand back, and ignite with a match to burn off the alcohol. Put the meat and bacon back into the pot with the juices. Add the bottle of wine plus enough beef broth to almost cover the meat. Add the tomato paste and thyme. Bring to a simmer, cover the pot with a tight fitting lid and place it in the oven for about 1 ¼ hours or until the meat and vegetables are very tender when pierced with a fork.

Combine 2 tablespoons of butter and the flour with a fork, and stir into the stew. Add the frozen onions. Saute the mushrooms in 2 tablespoons of butter for 10 minutes until lightly browned and then add to the stew. Bring the stew to a boil on top of the stove, then lower the heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Season to taste.

To serve, toast the bread in the toaster or oven. Rub each slice on 1 side with a cut clove of garlic. For each serving, spoon the stew over a slice of garlic bread, and sprinkle with parsley.

If I feel better tomorrow,

I'm making this. I may share.

"Leek and Cilantro Pesto Tart"

2008-01-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

One of my very favorite books I have discovered this year is “At Mesa’s Edge” by Eugenia Bone. It is part cookbook, part memoir, but mostly a wise, witty, and warm look at how one very talented cook connects to a new land and way of life she had no idea she would fall in love with. Before she came West, Eugenia lived in NYC, writing and cooking for Gourmet, Food and Wine, Saveur, and other high-falutin’ publications. The last thing she dreamed she would be doing was chasing cows out of her garden, fly-fishing, and picking wild mushrooms.

Her husband fell in love with and bought a small ranch in western Colorado and before she knew it she was renovating an old ranch house, wrestlin’ skunks, and trying to figure out how to live “out west”. It’s a very enjoyable read, particularly because she is willing and able to change her perceptions and adapt to the regional way of raising food, hunting game, and getting along with the neighbors, some of whom are prickly characters. The recipes are wonderful. Today I made Eugenia’s very delicious “Leek and Cilantro Pesto Tart”. Get this book. Cook these recipes. You will be a better cook for it. It made me more determined to find my own place where I can fish in the morning, pick peppers from my garden in the afternoon, then sit on a porch and ponder the mountains in the evening. I’m working on it. My husband and I are searching for a small ranch ourselves.

In the meanwhile, I’ll just be jealous of Engenia and her tart.

“Leek and Cilantro Pesto Tart” by Eugenia Bone (from the book, “On Mesa’s Edge”)

4 large leeks (I needed to use 5) washed well and sliced into thin rounds (6 cups)
5 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 large egg
1 cup all-purpose flour
½ - 1 teaspoon cold water, as needed
3 large egg yolks
1 cup heavy cream
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup fresh cilantro leaves
¼ cup pine nuts
¼ cup olive oil
1 (I used 3!) large garlic clove, peeled

Preheat oven to 350. Butter a 9 inch tart pan. (I used a rectangular tart pan – I love that shape!)

Heat 1 tablespoon of the butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. Add the leeks and cook until they are soft, about 15 minutes, stirring frequently to be sure they do not burn.

To make the pastry, cut the remaining 4 tablespoons butter into pieces and place in a food processor with the egg and flour. Pulse to blend until the dough forms a ball, or a lot of tiny soft balls, about 1 minute.. Add the water if the dough is not coming together. Wrap the dough in wax paper (I used plastic wrap) and refrigerate it for about 30 minutes.

In a large bowl, whisk together the egg yolks and cream. Add the cooked leeks and salt and pepper to taste and combine.

In a food processor or blender, combine the cilantro, pine nuts, olive oil, and garlic until the mixture is a nubbly (What a great word!) puree. Add salt to taste.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out the dough (I let mine warm up a bit before rolling) by pressing in the center of the ball with your rolling pin and slowly pressing outward in all directions. (Or the shape to fit your tart pan – mine was long and narrow) Place the dough into the pan, and press gently to fit. Pour in the leek mixture. Spread the cilantro pesto over the top as best you can (it doesn’t have to cover the entire top).

Place the tart on a baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes or until the top is just beginning to brown and looks puffy and a knife inserted in the middle comes out dry. Allow the tart to sit for 5 minutes before cutting and serving.

"A Day Late and a Pie Short"

2008-01-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

Did you know that yesterday was NATIONAL PIE DAY????

And, being the goober I am, I FORGOT to bring my Dad a pie when I went to visit yesterday. There was hell to pay. To make amends, I took him out to lunch and bought him a ”Cinnamon Brandied Bread Pudding with Blackberries” at his favorite lunch restaurant, Crackers. It was a pretty awesome dessert. Even though it wasn't pie. On National Pie day. I should be flailed with a pastry brush.

AND he made sure I understood that next week, I was to bring a pie - an apricot pie. Apricots? In January? But he said he’d take “canned” apricots. Ok, anybody got any ideas for canned apricot pie? I am so pie-challenged.

This morning as I was dancing around singing Al Green and fantasizing that Randy Jackson called me, “dawg”, it occurred to me that I haven’t yet thanked Jenn "The Leftover Queen" for including me on the most awesome Foodie Blogroll! I mean, I could get lost for DAYS reading all the amazing blogs and being mesmerized by such talent. I have to put some sort of limit on myself, or I won’t get any pie makin’ done! But do check out the Foodie Blogroll, over on the right, down a bit….there are some seriously great cooks and writers sharing a wealth of knowledge and expertise. Thank you, Jenn!

2008-01-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

A weird thing happened on my deer hunt in October.

Let me preface this story with some self-defense. I respect anybody’s distaste/dislike for hunting, but am mystified by those who eat slaughterhouse beef shot full of hormones then angrily judge my choice to shoot my own meat when possible.

Anyway, on this hunt I shot a very nice buck, but I’ve never seen one still in velvet that late in the season. Usually deer shed their velvet late summer, before the rut, and by the time hunting season rolls around, their antlers are completely devoid of any velvet. However, this buck was in full velvet, like it was still summer! We had never seen anything like that! At first, I thought “global warming – dang, if Al wasn’t right”! However, when I spoke to the taxidermist and asked if he knew what was going on, he had an interesting answer for me. Essentially, I shot a gay deer. His testicles never really…hmm…got busy, and he wasn’t at all interested in female deer. So his antlers never got the signal to shed, hence to rut and date the ladies.

I’m probably going to hear from GLAAD, aren’t I?

But meat is meat. I am a non-gender-biased cook! I have a freezer full of the best organic venison! Beautiful roasts, steaks, ground meat for all kinds of dishes, spicy jerky…the purest, healthiest protein available. The only thing better (to me) is fresh elk meat, but I didn’t fill my elk tag this year.

“Ol’ What’s His Name” has been hounding me to make a venison stew of some kind, something different than my usual chili. I love a potato soup, so I came up with this soupy stew. It’s definitely one of those stove-top concoctions that is best on a cold winter night, with warm biscuits and then baked apples for dessert. If you don’t have venison, ground beef would work just fine.

“Alternative Life-Style Venison Stew with Potatoes and Crispy Leeks”

6 large red potatoes, unpeeled, cut into bite-sized pieces
1 qt. beef stock (you may want to throw some salt in there, if the stock isn’t salty enough)
4 slices bacon, cut into ½ inch pieces
1 tablespoon olive oil
4 large leeks, washed well, trimmed and thinly sliced (white part only)
1 small box button mushrooms, sliced
1 pound ground venison (or ground beef)
1/2 teaspoon allspice
1/2 teaspoon rubbed sage
1 teaspoon salt (or more…venison needs salt!)
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 cup whipping cream

1. Place cut potatoes and beef stock into large stock pot. Bring to boil then lower heat slightly and simmer until potatoes are fork tender, about 20 minutes.
2. Meanwhile, while potatoes are cooking, heat a large skillet over medium heat. Add bacon and sauté, stirring often, until bacon is crispy. Remove with slotted spoon to paper towels to drain.
3. Add olive oil to skillet and then add leeks. Sauté, stirring often until leeks are just turning brown and starting to crisp. Stir in the mushrooms and continue sautéing until mushrooms are just brown on edges. Remove leeks/mushrooms to plate, cover with foil to keep warm.
4. Add venison to skillet, crumbling with wooden spoon and sauté until meat is well-browned all over. Add the allspice and sage, stir. Add vegetables back into skillet, along with the crispy bacon, and stir to combine. Cook until potatoes are tender, and then add meat and vegetables to stockpot.
5. Bring soup to simmer, add salt and pepper and correct seasonings if necessary. Add cream and continue to cook until soup is back to simmer.
6. Ladle into bowls and serve immediately.

"Say, honey, gay deer isn't half bad!"

2008-01-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

I don’t know if this is as much a recipe as an experiment that ended well.

I was at a wedding shower yesterday and had too many truffles, cupcakes, hot cocoa (cute idea…several types of cocoa with an assortment of toppings which was nice, because the shower was outside and it was chilly) so once I got home I was in the mood for something savory and cheesy. My husband is on some sort of nutty health kick (which means he’ll be done with it in a couple of days as soon as I make a dessert he loves), so it was just my daughter and I. I had some nice baby Brussels sprouts, so I knew I wanted to use them. Added a carton of fresh spinach tortellini, a little Alfredo sauce (from a Bertolli jar) and some slivers of prosciutto (I need to talk to someone about my obsession with prosciutto). I LOVE roasted Brussels sprouts – to me, that’s only way to eat them. I wondered about the taste combinations, but, wow….the Brussels sprouts with the Alfredo sauce was GOOD. I think the slightly sulfuric taste of the sprouts mellowed by the creamy Alfredo sauce worked! Next time, I think I’d use plain pasta, like a penne, because I don’t like it when water collects in the little folds of tortellini – even with thorough draining, a little leaks out and spoils that cheesy bite.

My daughter really liked this, and she’s a tough critic. When I stand in the kitchen and say..."hmmmm, I wonder...", she usually takes off.

So sometimes, rummaging around the refrigerator pays off. It beats a bag of Cheetos!

"Roasted Baby Brussel Sprouts with Pasta and Alfredo Sauce"

About 2 cups of baby brussel sprouts
1 tablespoon olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
1 small carton spinach tortellini
½ cup Alfredo Sauce (I like the Bertolli brand of jarred sauces very much)
A handful of prosciutto, slivered
A little finely grated Pecorino Romano

1. Preheat over to 400 degrees. Line a small roasting pan with foil. Trim and halve the brussel sprouts. Place in lined pan and drizzle with the olive oil. Salt and pepper to taste. Shake pan to coat with oil. Roast in preheated oven until sprouts are turning brown on edges, about 20 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside.
2. Meanwhile, bring a pot of water to a rolling boil. Add salt, then tortellini. Cook according to package directions, usually about 6 minutes. Drain well.
3. Microwave the Alfredo Sauce (covered…you know what happens if you don’t!) in a small bowl for 40 seconds. Stir, and repeat until hot.
4. Place drained tortellini on a plate and top with sprouts. Spoon sauce over the top. Pile slivers of proscuito on top and sprinkle with Peconrino Romano. Serve at once.

Serves 2.

"The Fix Everything Cake"

2008-01-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

This is the “family birthday cake”, “fall down and scrap both knees cake”, “sorry my kid put bb’s through your window cake”, “I got a new pair of shoes cake”, and our family’s general all-around “make things a whole lot better cake”.

It’s a variation on the classic Italian Cream Cake, which is found in about a zillion cookbooks and websites. It’s pretty foolproof, delicious, easy to freeze, and wonderful to give as a gift. I hope you get a chance to bake and enjoy it. It might even get you out of trouble!

Coconut-Hazelnut Three Layer Cake

Serves: a lot of people

For Cake:
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
½ cup Crisco
2 cups granulated sugar
5 large eggs, seperated
2 teaspoons hazelnut syrup (the kind you use in coffee drinks)
2 cups cake flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup fresh buttermilk
2 cups flaked coconut
½ cup chopped hazelnuts

For Frosting:
½ cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, melted
1 8 oz package cream cheese
2 teaspoons hazelnut syrup
1 box powdered sugar
½ cup flaked coconut, lightly toasted*
¼ - ½ cup chopped hazelnuts, lightly toasted*

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Prepare 3 round 8” cake pans by either using parchment paper or greasing lightly and flouring the pans.
2. In large mixing bowl, cream together the butter, Crisco, and sugar.
3. Beat in the egg yolks and hazelnut syrup.
4. In a medium mixing bowl, sift together the flour, baking soda, and salt.
5. Add the dry ingredients alternately with the fresh buttermilk to the sugar/butter/egg yolk mixture. Mix well.
6. Stir in the coconut and nuts.
7. In deep cold bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form. Fold into cake batter carefully but completely.
8. Pour batter into prepared cake pans. Bake for approximately 30 minutes or until golden brown and springy in the middle of cakes.
9. Cool for 10 minutes in pan, and then remove cakes from pan to cool completely on racks.

To prepare frosting:
1. Place melted butter into medium size mixing bowl. Add the cream cheese and work into melted butter with a wooden spoon. After incorporating butter and cream cheese, switch to electric beater and add the hazelnut syrup and powdered sugar. Beat until glossy and smooth.

To assemble cake:
1. Place first layer, rounded side down, on cake platter or plate. Frost sides and top lightly. Repeat with second layer and third. Frost cake thickly up the sides and on top. Frosting will be soft and gloppy, giving the cake a definitely “rustic” finish! This ain’t fondant stuff! Top cake with the toasted coconut and hazelnuts, sprinkling some of the nuts around the bottom of cake.

* I toast the coconut and nuts (separately) in a large skillet over medium-low heat, shaking pan to keep browning even. Watch carefully, so they won’t burn! Remove from heat when exact browning color is achieved, and turn onto plate to cool.

I made this cake last night because our son is home for a short leave from his Marine base…he leaves for Iraq in a few weeks. I think he’ll probably eat this whole cake by himself.

I’m calling this one “my son is my hero cake, so that’s why I’m crying cake”.

Mac, with one of his littlest cousins, Megan