Portrait of An Artist As A Baker

Pity party officially OVER. Time for The Dish madcap hilarity and hi-jinxity!

I am quite the serious artist. I work mainly in sculpture. Oh, I’ll dabble in watercolor, but my first love is in the primitive desire to mold something out of some resistive medium. Take pie dough, for example. Yesterday, while making The Birthday Pie (so incredibly boring), I found myself with a lump of leftover dough. Instinctively, my hands began to shape the pliable Pillsbury into life. Because it was the Spousal Unit’s birthday, I had the brilliant inspiration, nay, the GENIUS idea to sculpt a bust of his likeness. Slowly, deliberately, his countenance came to life in my talented hands. I was struck with angst occasionally (much like Michelangelo during the David phase), but ultimately the brilliance burst forth! It’s an incredible likeness. I used cake decoration for the eyes and hair, but that was my only concession to anything but the raw power of the dough. The candy eyes capture the depth of his soul perfectly!

Behold….”Man on His Birthday”

Birthday Pie – “Apple Caramel Filling in a Pillsbury Pastry Adorned by Afro-American Dancers”

Ingredients:

Pie pastry for two crusts – I’m sure you have a good recipe. If not, Google – there’s about 2 bazillion recipes out there. Me? I used refrigerated Pillsbury dough because I’m cranky AND lazy. Actually – don’t judge! It’s not bad! Especially if you have the need to sculpture!

About 6 cups golden delicious apples, cored, peeled and sliced
1-2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
¼ cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon nutmeg
¼ teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla
4 tablespoons heavy whipping cream
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
½ cup caramel ice cream topping

Milk for brushing top crust
1 tablespoon turbinado sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.
2. Place the sliced apples into a large bowl and sprinkle with lemon juice. Toss gently.
3. In a small bowl, combine the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt. Stir into apples
4. Stir in the heavy whipping cream and vanilla. Stir gently to coat apples.
5. Melt 4 tablespoons of the butter over medium heat in a large heavy sauté pan. Add apples and cook for 1 minute. Stir in the caramel sauce. Continue cooking, stirring occasionally for 6 more minutes or until apples are a bit tender.
6. Fit bottom crust into deep dish 9” pie pan. Turn cooked apples into shell. Top with other pastry crust – seal and crimp. Slash steam vents, brush with a little milk and sprinkle turbinado sugar/cinnamon mixture over top.
7. Bake in preheated oven for 15 minutes. Remove pie and cover edges of pie with strips of foil to prevent burning, lower heat to 350, and return to oven for 45 minutes. Remove foil during last 7-8 minutes of baking.
8. Cool on rack for at least half an hour before serving.

Since it was a birthday, it was necessary to decorate. I just love these two jiving hip-hoppers. I got them to decorate a cake I made a few years ago for an old man turning 72. Of course, it made no sense, which heightened my pleasure at watching his reaction!

It was almost as good as putting a Rabbi on top of a toddler’s bunny cake!

You can find the most awesome decorations at Pretty Party Place!!!!

This is how it always ends up, doesn't it?

Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone.

No, I wasn't in Bali last week, opening my day spa. I wish!

For most of last week, I was at my parent's house, helping out with my Mom, who is in the very final, heart-breaking stage of Alzheimer's. My sister came from San Francisco, and we spent a very good time with my Dad at his favorite Mexican food dive. (Jenny F - "El Charro"!) We also cleaned out the kitchen and pantry, getting rid of jelly jars from the 70's, eight million coffee cups (mostly painted gifts from the all the grand kids), and generally trying to be useful in a hopeless situation. We are very blessed that she can stay in their home, with 3 excellent rotating care-givers and Hospice. I found a telling letter from my Mom to her Aunt - she is relating her...um...anxiousness...about her daughter's (me) propensity for not being...er...responsible. I think this was when I was planning to leave college, go off to some third world country with some hare-brained scheme, and generally being an ass. But, of course, she always sent me off on my wild tangents with gritted teeth support (and a check for $100), no matter what. No one else has quite understood me so unconditionally as my Mom. And no one else in my life restrained from saying "I told you so" like my Mom. She knew I was wrong and ridiculous, but she always told me to "do what you want, you'll never know otherwise".



Anyway, I'm just not in the mood for creative cooking. Or blogging. So I thought I'd post the wonderful email I got from Shanti, who runs Whipstone Farm, where I get my weekly dose of CSA nirvana. She sends an email every Monday, before pick-up on Tuesday. You might find it informative and inspiring. I sure the hell didn't know about turnip tops, did you? Just reading this makes me feel chipper! And like a farmer! I also found out that my great-great-great grandfather grew all the hay for the horses at Army forts in Northern Arizona during the conflict with the Apaches in the late 1800's. That must have been some scary ass agriculture! And I think it's a big, bad deal when I find a tomato slug.



"Well, it has been a busy week, and the future holds more of the same! We are finally transplanting all the warm crops out and hopefully this finicky weather doesn't decide to turn cold again. We had a small crew of volunteers yesterday (about 5) and with a full day, hopefully by the end of today we should have all the peppers (and maybe the eggplants) set in the ground, with the tomatoes, tomatillos and melons to follow in the next few days. Cucumbers and summer squash (seeded about 1 1/2 weeks ago) are already poking their little leaves out of the ground.
Following is the list of veggies in your CSA bag this week:

Japanese salad turnips

Radishes

Beets (Red or golden)

Head lettuce

Swiss chard

Cilantro

Dried chiles (Chile de arbol)

Spinach

Some thoughts on the vegetables: The turnips will have awesome tops this week. They are great raw in your salad or sauteed and put in with your cooked turnips. But remember to remove your tops from your roots before your store them in the fridge (this goes for the beets and radishes too). The radishes: we have a few different types out there, some red, some pink, and then the easter eggs. Easter egg radishes are a mixture of red, purple, pink and white and for some reason I just love the analogy in the name. The radishes are getting a little spicier. Radishes are best in taste and texture in the spring, and as the weather gets warmer they get spicier. Some people love them this way, though. We will still have radishes on and off for the next month, but by July, it is just too hot. Some other ideas for eating radishes. Sliced thin on buttered bread (these radish sandwhiches are dainty and almost fit for a tea party - maybe the kids will go for them). Or, slice radishes, cucumbers, maybe avocado or tomatoes and add some olive oil, vinegar and salt, they make a good base for a non-lettuce salad. The chiles you will be getting are dried from last season, they are small red peppers that store great. They are called nippon taka or chile de arbol peppers (you will see little bags of these in the mexican section of the grocery store under this name). They are spicy, but not too spicy (the really spicy ones will be showing up later in the summer). I use these peppers all winter in salsa. I just take a can of tomato sauce, add a few cloves of garlic, about 3-10 chiles depending on your heat preference, and a little water and blend it up. Place the salsa in a bowl and add chopped green onions and cilantro (which you are getting this week too). It isn't the same as salsa with fresh tomatoes but it tastes pretty good. The lettuce: we call all lettuce that isn't cut baby stuff "head lettuce". Some people refer to iceberg as head lettuce and get confused by our terminology. But we don't grow that tasteless iceberg junk, so when you see head lettuce on the list, it could mean any number of different kinds of lettuce that are full grown and all connected at the base. This week there will be green romaine and red and green summer crisp (also called bativian) to choose from. You will be seeing all of these varieties often this summer as they do especially well in the Arizona heat. Many other varieties of lettuce just can't handle the heat at all; they get bitter and they bolt too fast. Everyone knows romaine makes great Caesars salad. The summer crisp also has a very crunchy rib to it, which I personally like a lot. They make great lettuce wraps. Just cook up a little stir fry, put a hefty spoonful into a lettuce leaf and wrap it like a little burrito. Make a dipping sauce with things like soy, miso, or whatever. It is a really fun dish.That's it for now. Remember your bags and don't forget we have Rebecca Routson's eggs for sale. (I will be elaborating on the benefit of these eggs next week!)"







I'll post tomorrow about the stupid apple pie I'm making for my husband's birthday today. Not a nice frosted, cute cake, but a pie. What is it about these damn pies??? I can't make a pie to save my life, but that's all anyone ever wants from me. Pie!

Phooey!!!!