February 29, 2008

I'm a multi-millionaire!

Flash! I just got this nice email for a Mr. Idris Useni!

"Dear Catherine,
Suddenly you got this mail and may be doubting and wondering how I got your mail contact. Well, I got your contact from an operator of an internet services in the Chambers of Commerce and Industry here in Abidjan, Cote d' Ivoire, hence I decided to write you, though I did not mention the transaction to him.First of all I want you to Know that this is not a scam mail.Because based on what is going on all over the internet world, people find it very difficult to believe things like this any more.If you can guarantee me from your own side, your trust,honestly I will be able to work with you, i will be happy if that is done by you.I Mr Idris Useni ,an accountant with one of the local banks here in Abidjan, the Republic of Cote d'Ivoire I am contacting you on this business of transferring the sum of eight Million US$ (US$8 million) into a safe foreign account and it must be very confidential. I solicit your urgent assistance for the transfer of these funds into your Bank account.I wish to inform you that we discovered the said amount of money during our last audit work in the month of April 2006. Myself and two others of my colleagues discovered this money belongs to one MR Kazu Bakayoko, a very rich farmer who died some four years ago with Kenya airlines plane crash in Kenya on july 2003. Mr. Bakayoko was on board with his entire family including his next of kin to the his account, since then nobody has come for claim of these funds.We therefore solicit your assistance to come out as the next of kin to Mr. Bakayoko. As soon as you agree to do so, we will arrange all formalities to transfer the money to your bank account . Note that all the modalities of this transfer are RISK FREE.We want to make the following points clear for you so that you can have a better understanding of why we are contacting you.(1) As civil servants, we are not permitted to operate or own a foreign account while in office due to CIVIL SERVICE CODE OF CONDUCT.(2) Our present financial resources will not be sufficient to process and procure all documents and formalities from varoius Ministries here, hence the need for a reliable foreign partner abroad is required for financial assistance as the case may be.(3) You will be forwarded as the next of kin of the fund. Your assisting percentage will be as agreed when you finally get back to me. PLEASE DO REPLY ME VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS ONLY IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN ASSISTING ME IN THIS TRANSACTION;

Best regards.

Mr.Idris Useni."

Wow…8 million dollars. How exciting. I’m thinking I’ll send Mr. Useni a nice batch of fudge for his efforts on my behalf. You guys think fudge is a good idea? I mean, I’m imagining that folks in the Cote d’Ivoire just don’t have access to good chocolate...some nice Guittard chips or some Scharffenberger? I'm guessing there's a lot of stress there due to coups, plane crashes, and unpicked arugula. Fudge always is a good gift for people needing a bit of of lift.

My reply to Mr. Useni:

Dear Mr. Useni,
First of all, I am sorry for the loss of the rich farmer guy, Mr. Bakayoko, in the plane crash. And with his entire family! Wow…that’s awful! I didn’t know there were airlines in Kenya. I mean, I thought Southwest covered that route. Anyway. What did he farm? Arugula? Eight million dollars is a lot of money for a farmer!

Yes, it’s ok for you to transfer eight million dollars to my account. That is really going to help my overdraft situation. Let me send you the account number and also my social security number as soon as I hear back from you! And you probably need my passport to verify it’s really me, so I'll send that too. Oh, the picture is really bad, don’t pay attention to that! That girl at the passport photo place was such a pill! Between you and me, I think she was just jealous because she didn't get to go anywhere! Also, please send your mailing address! I’d like to send you a thank you gift! Some fudge! For you and your civil servant/ministry buds. Any nut allegies?
Awesome news, thanks so much! Can’t wait to buy an island!
Your friend,
PS…dude, you need to use spell check!

Cote d’Ivoire “Thank you for 8 million dollars!” Fudge

Makes 48 squares

1 (7 oz) jar marshmallow cream
1 ½ cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup evaporated milk
¼ cup butter
¼ teaspoon salt
2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
1 cup milk chocolate chips
½ cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Line a 8” x 8” pan with aluminum foil. Set aside.
2. In a large saucepan over medium heat, combine marshmallow cream (nuke this in microwave for a few seconds to help get out of the jar!), sugar, evaporated milk, butter, and salt. Bring to a full boil, and cook for 5 minutes, stirring constantly, and scrapping sides of saucepan to bring the sugar crystals down into mixture.
3. Remove from heat and pour in chocolate chips. Stir until chocolate is melted and mixture is smooth. Stir in nuts and vanilla. Pour into prepared pan. Chill in refrigerator for 2 hours until firm. Cut into squares.


Emiline said...

Congrats! Could you lend me a million? I could used some cash.

Omigosh! I love you! This was the best.

I actually deleted my old email address (last night), because I was getting so many. I have a new one now.

Who would believe this? I mean COME ON.

Sue said...

My mother used to make these! I am filing this recipe away for a bad, bad day...

The spell check comment was hilarious.

NOTE: You need to use the special non-melting chocolate that the army uses for its rations in hot places. Regular chocolate chips just wouldn't hold up.

Dhanggit said...

wow!! even you were not spared by this con-artist "million dollar" letter :-) i receive regularly letter of this type in french version of course (exactly the same but the characters changes) ..i love your sportsmanship in playing with this guy hahahaha i never had the guts to answer back much more baking a sweet dessert like this!!looks like i found what i'll bring for our picnic tomorow :-)

Cakespy said...

No way! $8 million! Wow, glad they felt ok doing it all through an unregistered email address. ;-) But, the fudge is an 8-million times over keeper! :-)

Catherine Wilkinson said...

You can have 2 million! And all the arugula you can eat!

It's an oldy by goody recipe...pms day fudge! LOL..I'll check on the chips...I can probably afford them now!

In French! I'd like that! Perfect picnic fudge, easy to do, so rich and creamy. When I get my 8 million dollars, I'm going to hire a full-time candy maker!

yeah, 8 million is a little less than what I'd like, but I can do some things....

Bellini Valli said...

Too funny Catherine. I need to buy some swamp land in the Southern States can you lend me the cash:D The fudge is a decadent treat by the way and worth every penny:D

Tracy said...

Great post! I hope Mr. Useni enjoys his fudge!

Jenny said...

Those emails seem to sneak into my email every month or so. For some reason I always open the darn things and can't believe these people think we're dumb enough to fall for it!

Your fudge looks divine and definitely 8 million bucks worthy!!

Anonymous said...

With the number of similar e-mails i've received i'm probably worth $80 billions by now. I'm buying you a Boeing 747 for your birthday Catherine. Just send me some fudge pleaaaase!

Heather said...

You are such a cut-up, Catherine! Don't you know that Kenyans prefer truffles? Good luck getting those millions now, missy!

Marianne said...

Gosh, I feel jipped ..where is my 8 million???? Seems with iMac(no ad intended) I don't seem to have that problem...my husband is about to kill his Vista computer....you are the best, I love your twisted humor.....ps my son is in the Air Force....been many places including the "sand box"......and by the way, watched the food network challenge...bet you were busting to get a few smart remarks out!!!!!!

Catherine Wilkinson said...

oh, I am thinking about my own private island...with a private chef and private shoe store.

Well, I hope he does too! It's a fair trade, I think!

Oh, the fudge is ok, pretty basic, but tasty. Tonight is the BIG night...can't wait! Woo! Are you fixing mac and cheese AGAIN??

zen chef,
Listen, I'd rather have a Lear if it's all the same to you! To get to my private island. You can come and be my chef!

damn. Well, I'll just roll that fudge into little balls, dip them in some chcoolate and collect my 8 million, then!

when Kerry Simon said he tasted something "medicinal", I had to bite my tongue from saying, "yeah, it's the LSD".

Deborah said...

You are too funny! Oh, how I wish someone would want to give me that much money!

The fudge looks great!

PheMom said...

Hehehe! That was awesome! Nice going (and great looking fudge)

Catherine Wilkinson said...

listen, if you want, I'll forward your blog to that guy from Kenya! Maybe his got some extra cash!!!

(great name, btw!)...funny, huh?
What are those people thinking???

Creative Commons License
"The Dish" by Catherine Wilkinson is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 United States License.